The weekend.

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This weekend was lovely.  It was busy busy busy on Saturday morning….getting cars serviced, library stops, shopping and all the admin of our lives. But it was fine.  We were together.

Also on the cards was getting a new set of worksheets done for HB.  Lol, the guy at the printing store even asked if I was a teacher.  I am determined to help my child if I can.
I have been working on being gentle with my baby, because he is my baby. The worksheets are great, because for the days I do not have the patience to be nice, he can quietly do a worksheet. The nice thing is that they are like games, not worksheets.
Sunday we enjoyed a lazy lunch/afternoon at one of local dams.  The picnic was lovely, and we really had to drag HB home. He is such a nature child.  He loves being outside and it is a pity we do not do it more often.
Honeybear loves the library and I still need to get him to understand that there is a limit on the number of books we are allowed to take out.  I am so happy he loves the library as much as I do.  I have, unfortunately, finished my two library books over the weekend.
Honeybear needs more confidence.  I am trying to help him.  He often will not try something because he is too afraid to get it wrong.  Telling him is OK to make mistakes does not work.  I try to push him a little so he can see that he can do it too.
I get him to read words after we have a read a book.  This way he can see that he can do it too.  I have also taken to leaving him alone with his work, so that he has to try it alone. It feels like that whole “let your child cry it out” sleep training. I tried the cry it out once, Hubby and I were so traumatised, we never tried it again. We try to let HB lead the way.  I tell myself it is a development thing, just like learning to walk.  You can help and guide, but you cannot force.
He is back in his own room again.  For how long, I do not know.  He keeps ending up back in our bed, and to be honest, I prefer him in our bed.  I worry less.  Hubby has accepted that I will walk between our rooms during the night, because I am nuts like that.
Honeybear is getting better with the reading thing…whether this is translating to the classroom, I try not to worry about.  We have already made that decision to let the process of the psychologist take its course and time. I am concerned with keeping my child nurtured.
Telkom is driving me nuts, but they it periodically, so nothing new there. Overcharges on our account, I am not prepared to pay.  Apparently I signed up for a new contract…they must produce this contract, because I certainly have not.
Back to work.

Live nice.

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Yesterday I had a huge Mummy fail.  I still feel so bad about it.  I know we all do it and I will do it again….

I have been emotional about everything.  I don’t know why.  Perhaps it is starting the pill after having a break for a month or I am going nuts or ….whatever, but I have been all over the place.  Yesterday I was feeling a little frazzled and figured a good 45 minutes exercise would help.  So this was the plan in my mind.
However, when I fetched HB from school he was wet. I asked him what happened and he said that he went to the toilet and he wet his pants because he could not get them off fast enough.  So I explained this was fine, but he needs to tell his teacher and I showed him the spare clothes in his bag.  I told him these things happen but number one is perhaps go to the toilet before he gets desperate and then if he gets wet, there are spare clothes in his bag, and he can ask his teacher for help to change.  Pretoria is freezing cold at the moment and wet jeans cannot be good.
He has only wet himself once before and that was also the same situation, where he waited too long to go to the toilet.
By the time we get home, I had to wash and change him immediately because it is freezing cold.  So no time for either one of us to have a break, like we usually do.  We usually take 20 minutes for ourselves before we need to do anything, when we get home.  HB also gets a snack to get him to dinner time.
I was tired, he was tired, and I just ranted at the poor child.  I did not shout, but I ranted at him enough to make him cry.  It was horrible.  I was a horrible mother who just made her little child cry because things were going on that had nothing to do with him, but he happened to be there.  I am the adult…and adults should know better.  Adults do not do that to children.  Adults do not make children cry over stupid stuff.  Wetting your pants when you are not even six years old is stupid stuff.  You grow out of it.  What set the rant off was when I found he had not cleaned up properly after going to the toilet because he was in too much of a hurry to get back to play.  He is a child and kids do this.  Not adults and adults should not lose control like that. Yes I did not shout or smack but I did make him feel bad enough that he cried.  And toilet accidents is a definite thing you do not make kids feel bad about.  I know this, but I did it anyway.
Yes we made up and cuddled and got over it because he is a sweet child and forgives me.  I explained mama did a bad thing today and we do not do that to each other.
I have made excuses for myself, but still, we do not do that.
I spent a good part of the evening crying and feeling like a failure.  I still feel like a failed mother. I know I am good most of the time, but it is episodes like yesterday that stick in the mind and you realise that when the times get tough, you fall apart.
Learn from me ladies, we have to be nice to our children, not just take care of them.  We have to be nice to these precious little bodies, because being nice and good to them is more important than packing the correct lunch box or educational crafts or pretty clothes.
Being nice and living nice and good will ensure that when you are the end of your string, there will be reserve string waiting to help you get by.

Dates and other stuff.

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Hubby and I had our meeting with the educational psychologist this morning.  The relief I feel is so good.  She said to us that she has not spoken to the teacher as she prefers to work without preconceived notions. (I feel better).  She asked us questions about Honeybear and the type of child that he is and all the little things to get to know our little boy from our point of view.

Then she went on to tell us how she would go about her assessment.
The first thing was to meet with us, then Honeybear and also to specifically observe him in class and with his friends.  Also, it would take a few weeks because she had to get to know our child and understand the person he is (big sigh of relief). She also mentioned that sometimes these problems are nothing more than a personality clash between teacher and child ( I am so glad she mentioned that)
After this meeting I feel like I should have sessions with her, as she is so calming and seems to understand the worries and anxieties I feel as a parent.
She asked that we prepare Honeybear for meeting with her next week, and the one thing we might have to do is a bloodtest to rule out physical issues that may be impacting on his classwork.  She did say it would be something that may come, not sure at this stage, and she would help prepare him, should the need arise.  Having them draw blood is not going to be easy for me.
Anyway, I feel better about this whole thing and let us see what happens.
Tomorrow we have the soccer morning and I do not look forward to it.  It is such a long morning for all of us and by the second match we all want to go home and the kids do not want to play the third match.  It is being hosted by another school and they really do not serve nice coffee in proper glass/ porcelain mugs/cups. I know it sounds silly, but you need the coffee to get you through the morning.  It starts early and I just cannot drink out that white polystyrene cup.  I must remember to take my own coffee.
Our school sets up coffee tables with cookies and cups and saucers and mugs and water with lemon and  ice.  Tea and coffee and choices about the type you want.  I guess we are a little spoiled at out school.  It is soccer after all, not a coffee bar.
Honeybear and I are on our own, as Hubby is working this weekend.  I do not mind the time on our own, as it is mothers day and we can do our own dates for the weekend. I am thinking, movie picnic this evening, and then after soccer we may both need a nap.  I am going to make pancakes for Sunday breakfast ( I have a pancake monster on the weekends).  And perhaps a proper outdoor picnic for Sunday afternoon.
Hubby and I have instituted date nights.  Proper ones (it is home or Spur, but at his stage babysitting is just too expensive to on a regular basis).  We wait for Honeybear to go to sleep and then we can watch a grownup movie.  The advantage of the home/Spur date is that we the first part of the evening is a whole family date.
Consciously spending time together is good for all relationships.

Oats and tea

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I have been reading quite a bit about this whole overnight soaked oats thing and decided to give the peanut butter one a try.  Nothing can go wrong with peanut butter, I love the stuff. Added the oats, milk, yoghurt and peanut butter….it was OK.  I was disappointed because I was expecting creamy yumminess and ended up with icky oat soup.

I understand it was my fault, and perhaps I should try again  with less liquid.  Please no one say chia seeds.  If you read the internet, you cannot make overnight oats without chia seeds.  It is like the miracle ingredient. I am not buying chia seeds, because I do not want to.
This morning I cooked my oats in the microwave, left it to cool and them added the frozen berries and yoghurt and the creamy yumminess I was expecting was there.  It was cold and fruity and lovely.  I think I am going to stick with my cooked version.  It is getting to winter and hot oats will probably be better.
Note, I used to hate oats, I would gag just at the smell.  I would never touch the stuff.  However, I have grown to have a peaceful relationship with oats.  I cannot, in good conscience, make Honeybear eat oats every morning if I refuse to touch the stuff myself.
I am hoping the oats will also work its miracles on me and drop my cholesterol a bit.  I seem to have genetically  predisposed high cholesterol.  Not dangerously high at this stage, but on its way there. All of my Dad’s side of the family have heart disease, every single one of them.  Looks like I may be joining the crowd.
On the oats, I also cannot eat it without something sweet.  Without the sweetness I struggle to get it down.  So I always end up adding fruit to make it nice.
On a  good note, I have managed to cut sugar completely out my tea (and other beverages).  It has been eight months.  Tea has always been my thing.  I love it.  If I am stressed, it makes me happy.  If I need to relax, I drink tea.  If something is wrong, I drink tea.  However, without the sugar I have been struggling, as I do not like it.  Eight months later, I have managed to like it again. I will not lie and say I love it, because I still miss the sugar, but I can like it and relax again.
Also, I now drink more rooibos than I used to.  Maybe because rooibos is better without milk and sugar in the first place.  But I think it is also, because rooibos is nothing like my normal tea and I can drink it without unhappy memories.
Yes I know I am a bit nuts.  Tea…..I love you.

The hope springs again.

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Hi Ladies, thank you for all the comments on my previous post. I appreciate the support I receive here, and it gives me hope I am not alone in this parenting jungle.
I have been so mixed up about this whole thing with Honeybear and school.  And then you have a moment when everything settles itself and you worry no more.
I was chatting to my Mom and telling her about it all, when it came to me.  There are only 120 days of the school year left.  That is not a long time in the larger scheme of things.  Honeybear will move to a different class.
So we have decided let him go to the psychologist and if she suggests he needs further sessions, we will be happy to agree.  She is a professional after all. The psychologist, as part of her assessment, will observe Honeybear in the classroom environment too. After the whole thing, the psychologist will also speak to the teacher about the ways in which she needs to interact with my child.  I am fully confident there is nothing for us to worry about.  Also, we then have two independent professionals who are able to also help the teacher, not just Honeybear, and when it comes to school readiness for Grade 1, the teacher is not the only one who will make the decision about Honeybear.
Hubby and I are meeting the psychologist later this week ( I mailed her myself, as I do not want the referral to come from the teacher only, with her  view only). Also, I think meeting her, will help us understand her methods and how impartial she is likely to be, and if the best interests of Honeybear remain at the forefront.
Further, I was chatting to one of the Moms and she let me know that the other parents in the class have been complaining about the teacher and all the therapies she keeps recommending our children need.
I have also told the teacher that after the assessment with the psychologist, we all need a meeting, and I will ask the prep head of school to be a part of that meeting too. This way there are no misunderstandings or thoughts that Hubby and I are ignoring a problem with our son, because we are too whatever.
A plan of action makes us all feel so much better.
I want Honeybear to love learning and going to school.  He loves it now,and I do not want him to lose it because a young teacher does  not yet have the experience ti deal with different personalities.
His previous teacher was older and the nicest lady ever.  Even when she told you that there was something going with your child, she did it in a way that was hopeful, not in a manner that made you think that there was no way out of this thing.