I constantly mean to write, and then never seem to find the time to actually write the post.
The last post, was not a real post, it was an old draft that seemed to have posted itself. Thank you ladies, for not forgetting me.
There seems so much going on, and I guess I have been feeling overwhelmed. My mom was very ill, and she is recovering now, but I don’t think she will be properly well again. I wish she would take it easier. My dad was completely lost without my mom while she was ill. I went and stayed with him while she was hospitalized. It was tough. I worry for them, having seen him fall apart while she was so ill. I don’t think he is strong enough to be without her.
HB is doing so well at school. He made me feel like such a proud mummy today. Today, I was that mom that other mom’s wish they were. I had moms pat me on the back. They had to perform a poem, and my baby was brilliant. I was surprised, because he is such a shy boy and hates performing, but he was brilliant.
Hubby…. We are not doing so well there. He is a workaholic. In that it feels for me, that he chooses his work over family all the time. He misses things he promised to be at, he is constantly late, we seem to have no time to just be. I am frustrated and tired of being the only one filling in. School, house, social. It feels like I cannot rely on him. To be very honest, I feel like I would be happier, if we were not together anymore. I would know I was the only one to do stuff. I keep expecting him to be there, and then I feel let down.
I know I contribute to the above. I have been working a lot, trying to get my own practice running. But I feel like I need help. If I am only sleeping 3 hours a night to get the work out, I am expecting him to be there to fill in, but he is not. I need him to make sure HB is not left alone, but he is not there. If he said he would do something, I expect him to do it. Right now, he is not doing it. He is at work a lot and when he is home, he is on his phone about work. And on his 2 off weekends, he still goes in to work.
He is antsy to get back to work if we are out. I am ready to give up. I guess giving up would be the easy solution, but I am tired of fighting with him and I am tired of waiting for him to get home. I am tired of doing it alone, when someone promised to be there.
I also think, for now, I need to give up for dream of my own practice, because the time investment, without support is going to destroy me. So, this weekend, I will finish up the things I committed to, and then no more new work.
I told hubby that I am the point of no more. I am not trying to give ultimatums, but I am tired.
HB knows something is going on, related to papa’s work. I don’t want to damage my child.
I guess I should be brave enough to post this.