Unprofessional.

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I was furious today.  I am one those people who research everything.  It makes me feel better to have as much information as possible.

On this whole thing about HB having maybe problems at school we decided to go with the non-invasive test first and we will not do the ones requiring needles.
I phoned around and eventually made an appointment with the audiologist recommended by the psychologist. I called I checked and I checked again yesterday that this is not a hearing test but a specific test for auditory processing disorder.  I also made it clear I need a written report.  I also made it clear why we were having this test.
It just about killed me that I could not be there for the appointment, but Hubby is his parent too.  Then hubby says she says she cannot do the test.  I speak to her over the phone and she tells me audiologists cannot do these tests.  I was very upset and asked why did she not just say that upfront and now we must pay for a hearing test we did not want because we have a hearing screening every single year for HB and we know already that his hearing is fine!!!! She just did a hearing test! Like what on earth are you doing, when we said we did not need one.  I was livid. Anyway we received a 15% discount and now I am still waiting for the report.  Wasted time and money for something wrong, by someone who should know better.
She, as an audiologist should know what is within her scope and if she can do it.  Anyway, called another audiologist who then told me, of course they can test HB for APD.  I was clear we had already made this mistake once and was told audiologists cannot do the test (when I know very well that they are they only ones who can make a definitive diagnosis).  She explained that not all of them have the capability in terms of knowledge, but yes only an audiologist can make such a diagnosis.  And she also offered a discount since we had already paid for a hearing test we did not want in the first place.
This time, I will take him for the test myself because I cannot just sit and wait to hear.  I am too much of a control freak.
I was so upset that the people we rely on make such idiotic statements, that they do not check who they are seeing for an appointment, that they are just about the money.
I never charge clients for something I cannot do.  I also do research before I see a client to make sure I do have understanding before I see them.  I expect all professionals to be the same.  I have also returned money if I could not do what they needed.
I could have made the correct appointment with the correct professional if she was honest and upfront the first three times I called her office.

Inside their minds.

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My little one things I am so clever.  He has this thing for science experiments and we did one over the weekend.  He is so amazed by the fact that I could do a science experiment.  I am not sure what he thinks about his mother specifically, but science experiments was not on the list of things I was supposed to do.

This had me thinking:  What do our children think about us?  HB thinks the following:
  1. You need pancakes, I am the one you call.
  2. Mama is a witch, in that I can do magic. ( I led him on here)
  3. Mama is good for hugs.
  4. You want sweeties, ask Mama, as she will likely give them.
  5. Mama reads stories well (Papa reads so deadpan, I don’t blame the child).  I do voices and sound effects.
  6. Mama writes everything the right way.
  7. Mama has handkerchiefs and stuff inside her bag.
  8. Looking for something, ask Mama.
  9. Mama knows nothing about science experiments (surprised him on that one)
  10. Mama does not know how to play soccer (surprised him on that one)
  11. Mama works in an office and loves it (he sometimes threatens to punish me by not allowing me to go to the office…I don’t love work that much).
  12. Mama does not know how to turn on the Wii (I led him on here)
Sometimes I wish I could read his mind.

Feedback.

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We had the feedback meeting with the educational psychologist and I am a little confused.  Everything that she said is nothing new to Hubby and I.  We know the child we have. So why did we have to do all this?

He gets easily frustrated, but it is possibly a temperament thing and not a problem.  It is also something he will grow out of and is not a problem. If he is still having the same issue at Grade 5, then we need to worry.
She has not noticed any ADHD markers  etc.
She noticed he mispronounces some things (which I already chatted to the speech therapist about at the beginning of the year and she said it is age appropriate mispronunciation, nothing wrong).
She said he is highly creative and imaginative. Which possibly means he daydreams and does not always listen, but again she says it is not a problem, just the person he is.
She says he does not always follow all instructions, because he is young and young children tend to selective hear.
Mama shouts…which I already know.  And Mama has rules…which I already know.  But HB also mentioned that Mama gives many hugs and kisses and also allows breaking of rules.
The cats bother HB when they fight (they bother me too, and the one is a kitten so it needs time to be broken in and I cannot see how this is affecting HB’s performance in class).
She mentioned that he mixes up sadness and anger.  OK, but it is something he will work out, and we should increase his vocabulary so he has the words to express in between feelings. Like irritation, frustration.
He is a child who feels intensely.  Again, not a problem, but the person he is.
He needs to learn to share better.  Yes we have only one child so he is not used to sharing, but she suggested more playdates…which is something we can do. Again this is not an earth shattering revelation or problem.
The only thing she mentioned was that maybe he could have an auditory processing problem…but she is not really sure that he has this problem.  She will talk to the speech therapist (who I have already spoken to) and we can do some tests at the hearing centre.  We know he can hear perfectly well, perhaps he is not processing it very well.  But this is conjecture, nothing we really know.
Also, she has does not really know why he had the meltdowns he has had at school. The teacher told her about it, but it is so completely out of character that she cannot comment on that.  She will observe him further in class and she will get the teacher to fill out a questionnaire.
She says HB is aware of the fact that he does not always finish his work and feels like he is not intelligent enough in some areas, but that he also feels he is good at some things.  It breaks my heart.
At  the end of all this:
We are going to get him tested for some kind of auditory/sensory processing disorder.
Get him tested for allergies.
Help him expand his vocabulary so he can express the subtle feelings.
Mama will be conscious about shouting and try her very best to do it less.
Model behaviour to deal with feelings.
I almost feel like we are going on a witch hunt to find something wrong with this child.  He likes the time with the psychologist and since we are not paying for it at this stage, we are happy to let him continue with her.  She is not hurting him and she seems like a genuinely nice person.
I am not a perfect parent and I welcome any constructive comment on being better.

I am angry at the world.

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Things that are bothering me right now:

  1. The school:  I just need them to get with the programme.  We pay huge amounts of money for them to teach our child, and I expect that if I follow the rules they set out, they too need to follow the rules.  I have let my dissatisfaction be known to them.
  2. The psychologist:  We all have personal lives and I understand that sometimes life happens.  When life happens and it affects my professional environment, I go out of my way to accommodate the meeting, etc. I have missed. She is not doing that and is making her personal problems my problems and is not accommodating the inconvenience she has caused in my life.
  3. Nissan: I had my car fixed there, only to find that the idiot technician/mechanic did not properly test drive the car.  They just let it run on whatever machine they have, which runs straight, not turns, hence they did not pick up the problem that they have now caused. And then the service advisor tells me the two parts are not related, like I am an idiot.  Of course the wheel bearings and CV joints are in the wheel hub, which they opened up and interfered with. I am female, not an idiot. I am not a mechanic, but I am not an idiot. Car had one problem and you fixed it, and now it has another problem, I do not need to be a mechanic, or male to work that out.
  4. Our local professional institute:  As per my previous blog, they have no thought of being inclusive. And while the manager is very competent, she drives me insane when she talks to us like we are five year olds, learning to read.
  5. My FIL: He is in my space.
  6. My Hubby: He is on call and every time that phone rings in the middle of the night I want to destroy it.  I just need to sleep without interruptions.
  7. The Trustees where I live:  They do not know the first thing about anything and think that being a trustee has given them autonomy over the complex. As soon as you disagree with them, they pull out the “We are the trustees, we know better and it is about majority vote”  Like really?  It is my money you are supposed to be spending, get out of my way.
  8. Myself:  I need to stop being so angry at the world and just let it go.
  9. The cats:  One is tearing up the place, the other has no backbone.
  10. The caretaker: He keeps sending bulk messages about stupid stuff.  I have now blocked him, because I cannot deal with that.  I do not need anyone else’s religion or political views forced down my throat.
  11. My sisters:  I have a job which I work at very hard and I am good at.  Stop calling me a plan drawer, it is offensive.

I am so negative about everything.

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I do not often bother with these types of things, but since I have become a news junkie and had my eyes forcibly opened at my last job, I notice a lot more.

There was a two day conference organised by our local institute.  It was something I had been looking forward to for a while.  It was going to be one of those inspirational conferences, the type I love.
The reality of the world we live in, is that racism and sexism is a real thing. The institutes have been pushing women in the field, which I fully agree with.
Out of 19 presenters, there were only two woman, one Indian man, and one of the women happened to be black.  Really?  Do we really call ourselves inclusive?  Is this array of speaker all that could be mustered?  Surely if we are trying to encourage woman in the profession, we should give them more opportunities, and I know very many woman who would have had a lot to offer at this conference. The other reason that I paid such close attention the line up, was that at the last conference, one of the speakers had pointed out the skewed makeup of almost all white male speakers.
I am not saying that white males have nothing to offer, of course they do, but so do women and people who are not white.
I am an Indian female, and there are not very many of us in our profession. Everytime I go to a site meeting or just about any meeting for that matter, I have to earn respect on that team, which is just taken as given for the males in the team, no matter what their age.
I have been at meetings with a student (who I take along as a learning experience for him) to find that he will be addressed instead of myself. It is assumed he is the white male, so he must be the one who knows everything, when it is very obvious this child only started shaving in the last few years and does not even have the confidence to stand up straight. The attitude comes from men of any race.
At my last office, I was shocked to find that they considered black people not good enough to work there and it was something they would never consider.  Also, the males were paid more than the women and while the women did not receive increases because of the uncertain economic climate, the men receive yearly salary increases. Even white males with lesser qualifications than the women were paid more for less work responsibility. I was shocked, sad and left there. They are the reason why BBBEE still exists.
The joke of the whole conference was that it was to promote ideas and thinking outside the box.  If only they had thought outside the box when putting the presenters together.