Category Archives: Just random stuff

Employing domestic help.


One of the big reasons I do not employ someone to help me with housework, is that I have extreme guilt.  I cannot fire them.  I seem unable to tell them when they are doing something wrong and then just live with it, because I cannot bring myself to say it.

I also feel under huge pressure to make a proper breakfast and lunch and offer tea.  It gets too much and then I end up not employing someone in the first place.
Now I really need the help, because the weekends are too busy to get the proper cleaning done, and really the house is looking a tad sad.
I also would like someone to clean during the week while we are not there, but again I feel huge guilt for making them walk from the main gate to our house.  On weekends, I fetch whoever from the taxi and then drop them off at the taxi after.  And then I feel the need to give them dinner to take home, because they have been working all day for me.  I have also been I told I pay too much and to be honest I cannot afford to pay those rates anyway. I also do not know how much is too long a day, and then end up letting them go before they finish everything.
Employing someone to help with housework, basically stresses me out to no end.  A friend told me I need to stop with this stuff.  It is employment and the women do not feel they need all the things I think they should have.
I also feel bad for letting whoever come clean up alone, and end up cleaning along with them, because I feel bad about it, hence they need to be there when I am at work, so I do not end up doing all the housework anyway.
Is there is a group for stupid people like me?  Are there lesson I can get somewhere?  Weirdly enough, I have no trouble criticising and redlining work when I am at the office.  In fact, I can be quite harsh.

Need to be more grateful.


Today I feel sad…I grew up with Linkin Park.  I loved and still love Linkin Park.  One of my regrets is missing their concert when they came to perform in South Africa.  I was mother to a nutty toddler and going to a concert was not one of those things that it was possible to do.  I had to be a good mother and not do those things anymore (I have since revised that view…because mothers are still people).

Hubby and I have different tastes in music, but Linkin Park was the one band that we both loved. Linkin Park music was the music that I used, and still use to get through deadlines.

I remember watching the second Transformers movie, and listening to that Linkin Park track in the Imax theater was amazing.

It always surprises people to hear I am such a fan.  A good girl like me, now a mother, does not listen to that music.  Linkin Park used to put my toddler to sleep.

I was very sad to see that Chester Bennington (lead singer of Linkin Park) apparently committed suicide yesterday.

It brings thoughts to my mind….we never know the terrible things that go on in the heads of other people.  He was famous, six kids, a successful life, but beneath all that is the sexual abuse, a broken family, drugs and alcohol and someone who looked like he was past all that and making a good life.  He was obviously troubled.

Another case:  I am frustrated with HB’s situation at school and the apparent disregard from the people we pay to help him…and one of those people who seemed to have it all, does not have it all.  I thought…wow, she is successful, beautiful kids, her own business…only to find out that she is going through a tough time.  I feel bad about that snotty email I sent to her now…though even if there is crap in your life, you still need to do the things people have paid you to do.

I am thankful for the life we have.  We have a beautiful healthy child.  Besides the stuff at school, he is fine.  I have a caring husband who loves us and is there for us.  I have a home we were able to buy, two cars, two cats, and a huge loving extended family who are there for us.  We have friends we can rely on.  We have jobs we are happy in.  We are healthy, loved and really…living a life of privilege.  In this day and age where people are so troubled they commit suicide because things seem so bleak, we have hope.  We have food and shelter and we are not grateful enough.

I am angry at the world.


Things that are bothering me right now:

  1. The school:  I just need them to get with the programme.  We pay huge amounts of money for them to teach our child, and I expect that if I follow the rules they set out, they too need to follow the rules.  I have let my dissatisfaction be known to them.
  2. The psychologist:  We all have personal lives and I understand that sometimes life happens.  When life happens and it affects my professional environment, I go out of my way to accommodate the meeting, etc. I have missed. She is not doing that and is making her personal problems my problems and is not accommodating the inconvenience she has caused in my life.
  3. Nissan: I had my car fixed there, only to find that the idiot technician/mechanic did not properly test drive the car.  They just let it run on whatever machine they have, which runs straight, not turns, hence they did not pick up the problem that they have now caused. And then the service advisor tells me the two parts are not related, like I am an idiot.  Of course the wheel bearings and CV joints are in the wheel hub, which they opened up and interfered with. I am female, not an idiot. I am not a mechanic, but I am not an idiot. Car had one problem and you fixed it, and now it has another problem, I do not need to be a mechanic, or male to work that out.
  4. Our local professional institute:  As per my previous blog, they have no thought of being inclusive. And while the manager is very competent, she drives me insane when she talks to us like we are five year olds, learning to read.
  5. My FIL: He is in my space.
  6. My Hubby: He is on call and every time that phone rings in the middle of the night I want to destroy it.  I just need to sleep without interruptions.
  7. The Trustees where I live:  They do not know the first thing about anything and think that being a trustee has given them autonomy over the complex. As soon as you disagree with them, they pull out the “We are the trustees, we know better and it is about majority vote”  Like really?  It is my money you are supposed to be spending, get out of my way.
  8. Myself:  I need to stop being so angry at the world and just let it go.
  9. The cats:  One is tearing up the place, the other has no backbone.
  10. The caretaker: He keeps sending bulk messages about stupid stuff.  I have now blocked him, because I cannot deal with that.  I do not need anyone else’s religion or political views forced down my throat.
  11. My sisters:  I have a job which I work at very hard and I am good at.  Stop calling me a plan drawer, it is offensive.

I am so negative about everything.


I do not often bother with these types of things, but since I have become a news junkie and had my eyes forcibly opened at my last job, I notice a lot more.

There was a two day conference organised by our local institute.  It was something I had been looking forward to for a while.  It was going to be one of those inspirational conferences, the type I love.
The reality of the world we live in, is that racism and sexism is a real thing. The institutes have been pushing women in the field, which I fully agree with.
Out of 19 presenters, there were only two woman, one Indian man, and one of the women happened to be black.  Really?  Do we really call ourselves inclusive?  Is this array of speaker all that could be mustered?  Surely if we are trying to encourage woman in the profession, we should give them more opportunities, and I know very many woman who would have had a lot to offer at this conference. The other reason that I paid such close attention the line up, was that at the last conference, one of the speakers had pointed out the skewed makeup of almost all white male speakers.
I am not saying that white males have nothing to offer, of course they do, but so do women and people who are not white.
I am an Indian female, and there are not very many of us in our profession. Everytime I go to a site meeting or just about any meeting for that matter, I have to earn respect on that team, which is just taken as given for the males in the team, no matter what their age.
I have been at meetings with a student (who I take along as a learning experience for him) to find that he will be addressed instead of myself. It is assumed he is the white male, so he must be the one who knows everything, when it is very obvious this child only started shaving in the last few years and does not even have the confidence to stand up straight. The attitude comes from men of any race.
At my last office, I was shocked to find that they considered black people not good enough to work there and it was something they would never consider.  Also, the males were paid more than the women and while the women did not receive increases because of the uncertain economic climate, the men receive yearly salary increases. Even white males with lesser qualifications than the women were paid more for less work responsibility. I was shocked, sad and left there. They are the reason why BBBEE still exists.
The joke of the whole conference was that it was to promote ideas and thinking outside the box.  If only they had thought outside the box when putting the presenters together.

The weekend.


This weekend was lovely.  It was busy busy busy on Saturday morning….getting cars serviced, library stops, shopping and all the admin of our lives. But it was fine.  We were together.

Also on the cards was getting a new set of worksheets done for HB.  Lol, the guy at the printing store even asked if I was a teacher.  I am determined to help my child if I can.
I have been working on being gentle with my baby, because he is my baby. The worksheets are great, because for the days I do not have the patience to be nice, he can quietly do a worksheet. The nice thing is that they are like games, not worksheets.
Sunday we enjoyed a lazy lunch/afternoon at one of local dams.  The picnic was lovely, and we really had to drag HB home. He is such a nature child.  He loves being outside and it is a pity we do not do it more often.
Honeybear loves the library and I still need to get him to understand that there is a limit on the number of books we are allowed to take out.  I am so happy he loves the library as much as I do.  I have, unfortunately, finished my two library books over the weekend.
Honeybear needs more confidence.  I am trying to help him.  He often will not try something because he is too afraid to get it wrong.  Telling him is OK to make mistakes does not work.  I try to push him a little so he can see that he can do it too.
I get him to read words after we have a read a book.  This way he can see that he can do it too.  I have also taken to leaving him alone with his work, so that he has to try it alone. It feels like that whole “let your child cry it out” sleep training. I tried the cry it out once, Hubby and I were so traumatised, we never tried it again. We try to let HB lead the way.  I tell myself it is a development thing, just like learning to walk.  You can help and guide, but you cannot force.
He is back in his own room again.  For how long, I do not know.  He keeps ending up back in our bed, and to be honest, I prefer him in our bed.  I worry less.  Hubby has accepted that I will walk between our rooms during the night, because I am nuts like that.
Honeybear is getting better with the reading thing…whether this is translating to the classroom, I try not to worry about.  We have already made that decision to let the process of the psychologist take its course and time. I am concerned with keeping my child nurtured.
Telkom is driving me nuts, but they it periodically, so nothing new there. Overcharges on our account, I am not prepared to pay.  Apparently I signed up for a new contract…they must produce this contract, because I certainly have not.
Back to work.