One of the big reasons I do not employ someone to help me with housework, is that I have extreme guilt. I cannot fire them. I seem unable to tell them when they are doing something wrong and then just live with it, because I cannot bring myself to say it.
Today I feel sad…I grew up with Linkin Park. I loved and still love Linkin Park. One of my regrets is missing their concert when they came to perform in South Africa. I was mother to a nutty toddler and going to a concert was not one of those things that it was possible to do. I had to be a good mother and not do those things anymore (I have since revised that view…because mothers are still people).
Hubby and I have different tastes in music, but Linkin Park was the one band that we both loved. Linkin Park music was the music that I used, and still use to get through deadlines.
I remember watching the second Transformers movie, and listening to that Linkin Park track in the Imax theater was amazing.
It always surprises people to hear I am such a fan. A good girl like me, now a mother, does not listen to that music. Linkin Park used to put my toddler to sleep.
I was very sad to see that Chester Bennington (lead singer of Linkin Park) apparently committed suicide yesterday.
It brings thoughts to my mind….we never know the terrible things that go on in the heads of other people. He was famous, six kids, a successful life, but beneath all that is the sexual abuse, a broken family, drugs and alcohol and someone who looked like he was past all that and making a good life. He was obviously troubled.
Another case: I am frustrated with HB’s situation at school and the apparent disregard from the people we pay to help him…and one of those people who seemed to have it all, does not have it all. I thought…wow, she is successful, beautiful kids, her own business…only to find out that she is going through a tough time. I feel bad about that snotty email I sent to her now…though even if there is crap in your life, you still need to do the things people have paid you to do.
I am thankful for the life we have. We have a beautiful healthy child. Besides the stuff at school, he is fine. I have a caring husband who loves us and is there for us. I have a home we were able to buy, two cars, two cats, and a huge loving extended family who are there for us. We have friends we can rely on. We have jobs we are happy in. We are healthy, loved and really…living a life of privilege. In this day and age where people are so troubled they commit suicide because things seem so bleak, we have hope. We have food and shelter and we are not grateful enough.
Things that are bothering me right now:
- The school: I just need them to get with the programme. We pay huge amounts of money for them to teach our child, and I expect that if I follow the rules they set out, they too need to follow the rules. I have let my dissatisfaction be known to them.
- The psychologist: We all have personal lives and I understand that sometimes life happens. When life happens and it affects my professional environment, I go out of my way to accommodate the meeting, etc. I have missed. She is not doing that and is making her personal problems my problems and is not accommodating the inconvenience she has caused in my life.
- Nissan: I had my car fixed there, only to find that the idiot technician/mechanic did not properly test drive the car. They just let it run on whatever machine they have, which runs straight, not turns, hence they did not pick up the problem that they have now caused. And then the service advisor tells me the two parts are not related, like I am an idiot. Of course the wheel bearings and CV joints are in the wheel hub, which they opened up and interfered with. I am female, not an idiot. I am not a mechanic, but I am not an idiot. Car had one problem and you fixed it, and now it has another problem, I do not need to be a mechanic, or male to work that out.
- Our local professional institute: As per my previous blog, they have no thought of being inclusive. And while the manager is very competent, she drives me insane when she talks to us like we are five year olds, learning to read.
- My FIL: He is in my space.
- My Hubby: He is on call and every time that phone rings in the middle of the night I want to destroy it. I just need to sleep without interruptions.
- The Trustees where I live: They do not know the first thing about anything and think that being a trustee has given them autonomy over the complex. As soon as you disagree with them, they pull out the “We are the trustees, we know better and it is about majority vote” Like really? It is my money you are supposed to be spending, get out of my way.
- Myself: I need to stop being so angry at the world and just let it go.
- The cats: One is tearing up the place, the other has no backbone.
- The caretaker: He keeps sending bulk messages about stupid stuff. I have now blocked him, because I cannot deal with that. I do not need anyone else’s religion or political views forced down my throat.
- My sisters: I have a job which I work at very hard and I am good at. Stop calling me a plan drawer, it is offensive.
I do not often bother with these types of things, but since I have become a news junkie and had my eyes forcibly opened at my last job, I notice a lot more.
This weekend was lovely. It was busy busy busy on Saturday morning….getting cars serviced, library stops, shopping and all the admin of our lives. But it was fine. We were together.