Category Archives: Woman

Life as just me and my personal journey

Random bits and pieces.

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I looked up now, it is one of those lazy Friday afternoons.  Everyone is sitting plugged into their PC via earphones.  Lost in their pre-weekend world.  Doing little tasks and waiting for the bell to ring.
Hubby and I had a fight last night.  We made up before bedtime, but it is not nice to fight with your husband.
I am seeing Honeybear’s speech therapist next week.  I need a proper chat with her as to where we are going with this.
There is a kiddies birthday party coming up and I realise I need a gift budget.
We are having a Ninja Turtle birthday party for Honeybear. I am looking forward to it, as this is an easy one to plan.  I will start buying the bits and pieces early and invite my parents too.
I want to go visit my parents next week, hopefully I can swing the long weekend.
Our wedding anniversary approaches in a few days…9 years (we are old!)
I am looking forward to my sister visiting next week.
What will I cook?  Something traditional or something new (for my sister’s family).
I love the menu planning and freezer meals we did.  We are almost at the need of April and we still have meals to eat. (2 months).
I like having time to myself.  A lot of time.  I like to be by myself.
Honeybear and I had a Mom and son date day about 2 weeks ago.  Completely unplanned, but one of those days that will stick in my mind.  He loved it too and I love that we can appreciate things together like that.
Had dinner with friends this week.  It was so great to see everyone and to catch up (we all used to work together at some point but have moved or not moved).
I am planning on a family weekend.  Time to be us together.
I am upset with my Dad, but I need to let it go.  He is older, living in a different time from me and does not always understand me.
I am worried about my youngest sister.  I wish I could make things better for her.
I have turned into a good cook.
Perhaps I need to invite my cousin over this weekend.  She is a good person.
I need to adopt a child.  It is the thing in me, which comes back over and over.
Does hubby want to adopt…No.  *sigh*

Reading problem.

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I am going nuts I think.  I just cannot stop reading and reading and reading and it is taking over everything.  I have a reading problem.

I was reading Marcia’s blog  about the number of books read in a year and I read a lot.  I only realised it when I commented there.  And this weekend I remembered….

I read and read and lose myself in books when I am troubled.  Last year was a year of turmoil for me, in terms of work and getting used to big school with Honeybear.  Hubby and I seemed to to disconnect for bit too.  Living past each other, with all this stuff going on in our lives.

I am still reading like a crazy woman, and I do feel troubled.  Hubby is working longer hours with his new position and sometimes it is a whole twenty four hours before all three of us connect.  We connect among the routine of our lives, getting ready for work, school, laundry, cricket games…which is not much of a connection.  I am pretty busy working my day job and then my private work and then the PTA, and body corporate…and being a Mom.  I am so excited about HB learning to read, that I have to spend every afternoon with him, making sure he does not fall behind.  Hubby and I are back to stolen kisses and promises to sit down together.  Hubby works one weekend, I work the other weekend…and so it goes.

This all came to me as I sat in a dingy hot office on Friday morning with my latest student. The lady I was trying to sweet talk into helping started dishing out relationship advice to my student and myself.  She divorced her husband after 24 years.  You would think that after 24 years you have it sorted…you must never take things for granted.

She said that they divorced because they never made time for each  other anymore and that she did not understand his love language, and vice versa.  (we were there for 35 minutes, but that is the essence). This has had me thinking, in my weekend frenzy of reading.  Hubby and I need to take a time out.  We need to be with each other again.  I am not sure how I will make this happen. I am going to suck up my pride and I ask my long time friend if she is willing to have three kids for an afternoon, and maybe hubby and I can have an old-fashioned date.

I read because it helps me resolve things, and it helps me escape and it helps me breathe…escapism.

 

 

Changes again.

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Here I am, working out my notice period.  The opportunity came along, I said yes and  have a new job waiting.  The work hours are better, the salary is better and he understands mothers have life outside the office.  That was the biggest selling point for us.

Honeybear is loving school and I love that.  They have started learning phonics and I am looking forward to him reading.  His swimming lessons are worrying because he has regressed so far with the new teacher.  I have tried talking to the teacher, but she is being evasive. I have given her one more chance to be open about the lessons and then I will take it to the principal.  If I spoke to any other teacher about HB, I could have an open conversation with a teacher who understands my concerns and knows how to deal with nutty parents like myself.  The swim teacher seems to forget she is not running a kingdom, but a school for children with parents.

Hubby is also in a new position, which is an opportunity for him to prove himself.  Changes all around us, and I look forward to it.  He is managing his challenge, because it is a challenging position, and I think he will grow a lot here, even if the hours suck.

My house that I am working on privately is going well, and I look forward to the finished product.  I don’t particularly like doing houses, but it is extra money and easy enough to do.  The clients are lovely and they have this little cute toddler and I want to see them love their new house.

I love reading all your blogs, please write more.

 

Decisions

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Where I am now?  It has been a hard year for me in terms of work.  I always seem to be having work issues it seems.  The last place really agonised me.

I left a place I had been at for a long time.  I needed to.  I could not afford to work there because Hubby and I were literally counting the cents. I loved the people and atmosphere, etc…but the money was the deciding factor.

Next place offered the salary I asked, only to be unable to afford anyone’s salary six months down the line.  Also, I found out they were doing not so kosher business dealings.  I had to leave.

The next place was desperation.  Once again everything seemed fine, until they told me how unhappy they were with my work.  I was flabbergasted as I had never been in such a situation before.  I was a broken woman.  So I just found another job and left.  I later found out they were going down the tubes and could not afford salaries.  They did end up washed out, had to close down the business and the owner was shot by a disgruntled client.

My current place seemed great.  I was really happy. I over compensated a bit and worked so very hard, in case anyone thought I was not a good worker.  I was really broken by the previous place telling me they were not happy with me.  It went fine for about a year and then things started to seriously go down hill.  Temper tantrums from the boss.  Shouting and swearing and screaming.  I was so shocked.  I thought it was me, only to think about it more and see that no one should behave in that way.  It is never right.  It happened to everyone (except the favourite).  It is crazy.  No one feels safe.  And then when the one sane boss also lost it, I thought it was time.  I could have no self respect to accept that kind of behavior.  The last straw was being shouted at by the boss for something that was not my fault.  With no opportunity to explain.  The other one sat there and watched, knowing it was not me.  And when it was resolved that it was not me, but him that made this disaster, no apology was forthcoming for the bad behavior. To make matters worse, they told our client that it was me that did everything wrong.  Me?  I did not even work in that office when the disaster was made.  I had raised my concerns and it was pushed away.  To make it worse, other professionals in the field (we work with them)…they think our office is a joke. Our directors are without vision (I was told so directly).  They have no future plan.  The company is stagnating.  What to say when you are told this?  I said nothing because you do not talk bad about your office.

The last week of work, I was called for an interview with another office.  I am so unsure.  All my decisions since I have left the first place have been so far off the mark.  I have researched all I can research.  Why do they need staff?  Are they also crazy and all the staff is leaving?  Are they so successful that they need new people? How do I make the right decisions? Granted, I do not have the job, just an interview.

I have a week left to figure it out.

Volcanos

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The last few weeks….and I cannot wait for them to be over.  I remember how hard I worked this time last year.  It was the heatwave, and I had five weeks, every day of solid site inspections. It was tough, but I did it.
This year is equally as tough, not physically, but emotionally.  The bosses seem to have gone slightly mad this year, and it seems to be worsening as we get closer to the end of the year.  This year has taught me a lot about the kind of person that I am.  I am not good at dealing with the emotional nature of other people.  I am happier when everyone is on even keel, without their emotions spilling all over the place.  I just do not want to know about it.
Makes me insensitive?  My emotions are always on a tight rein.  I generally save my spilling out when I am in private, or with hubby.  He is the only one, actually.  Even he does not see it all….I tend to keep it to myself….and this is why all the emotional stress that spills out in the office is making me so uncomfortable.
I just feel that this is an office environment, and that we need to deal with this stuff outside the office, not over and onto everyone else. It feels like a volcano has erupted all over us and we have to grin and bear it while we are being covered with ash, lava and falling rock.
Well, it is learning experience, and I hope that I discover some tools to help me deal with it.
I had a chat with Honeybear’s teacher yesterday morning about his progress, and she was very confident that he is managing fine and there is no need to keep him back a year.  She said that after the shaky start to the year, he has found his spot and is able to keep up and has achieved the milestones required of him.  She also complimented hubby and I on the home tutoring.  She says it is evident in his class work, that we have been working with him at home (it is good to know we are all managing to get it right).
On a sad note for my little one…his bestie is leaving the school.  The teacher wanted to mention it to me because she said the two are so attached, he is sure to miss her.  He is very protective over this girl, the teacher said to us.  I was never one for besties, so it was nice to see my little one managing where I had failed.  I am sure he will build other lasting relationships, as the kids will grow together.  They are only five!
Our kitchen revamp is almost done and I cannot wait to go cook something with my new stove.  We have been planning this revamp for a year, and it is lovely to see it finally coming together.
Back to grind stone!