I am going nuts I think. I just cannot stop reading and reading and reading and it is taking over everything. I have a reading problem.
I was reading Marcia’s blog about the number of books read in a year and I read a lot. I only realised it when I commented there. And this weekend I remembered….
I read and read and lose myself in books when I am troubled. Last year was a year of turmoil for me, in terms of work and getting used to big school with Honeybear. Hubby and I seemed to to disconnect for bit too. Living past each other, with all this stuff going on in our lives.
I am still reading like a crazy woman, and I do feel troubled. Hubby is working longer hours with his new position and sometimes it is a whole twenty four hours before all three of us connect. We connect among the routine of our lives, getting ready for work, school, laundry, cricket games…which is not much of a connection. I am pretty busy working my day job and then my private work and then the PTA, and body corporate…and being a Mom. I am so excited about HB learning to read, that I have to spend every afternoon with him, making sure he does not fall behind. Hubby and I are back to stolen kisses and promises to sit down together. Hubby works one weekend, I work the other weekend…and so it goes.
This all came to me as I sat in a dingy hot office on Friday morning with my latest student. The lady I was trying to sweet talk into helping started dishing out relationship advice to my student and myself. She divorced her husband after 24 years. You would think that after 24 years you have it sorted…you must never take things for granted.
She said that they divorced because they never made time for each other anymore and that she did not understand his love language, and vice versa. (we were there for 35 minutes, but that is the essence). This has had me thinking, in my weekend frenzy of reading. Hubby and I need to take a time out. We need to be with each other again. I am not sure how I will make this happen. I am going to suck up my pride and I ask my long time friend if she is willing to have three kids for an afternoon, and maybe hubby and I can have an old-fashioned date.
I read because it helps me resolve things, and it helps me escape and it helps me breathe…escapism.
Here I am, working out my notice period. The opportunity came along, I said yes and have a new job waiting. The work hours are better, the salary is better and he understands mothers have life outside the office. That was the biggest selling point for us.
Honeybear is loving school and I love that. They have started learning phonics and I am looking forward to him reading. His swimming lessons are worrying because he has regressed so far with the new teacher. I have tried talking to the teacher, but she is being evasive. I have given her one more chance to be open about the lessons and then I will take it to the principal. If I spoke to any other teacher about HB, I could have an open conversation with a teacher who understands my concerns and knows how to deal with nutty parents like myself. The swim teacher seems to forget she is not running a kingdom, but a school for children with parents.
Hubby is also in a new position, which is an opportunity for him to prove himself. Changes all around us, and I look forward to it. He is managing his challenge, because it is a challenging position, and I think he will grow a lot here, even if the hours suck.
My house that I am working on privately is going well, and I look forward to the finished product. I don’t particularly like doing houses, but it is extra money and easy enough to do. The clients are lovely and they have this little cute toddler and I want to see them love their new house.
I love reading all your blogs, please write more.
Where I am now? It has been a hard year for me in terms of work. I always seem to be having work issues it seems. The last place really agonised me.
I left a place I had been at for a long time. I needed to. I could not afford to work there because Hubby and I were literally counting the cents. I loved the people and atmosphere, etc…but the money was the deciding factor.
Next place offered the salary I asked, only to be unable to afford anyone’s salary six months down the line. Also, I found out they were doing not so kosher business dealings. I had to leave.
The next place was desperation. Once again everything seemed fine, until they told me how unhappy they were with my work. I was flabbergasted as I had never been in such a situation before. I was a broken woman. So I just found another job and left. I later found out they were going down the tubes and could not afford salaries. They did end up washed out, had to close down the business and the owner was shot by a disgruntled client.
My current place seemed great. I was really happy. I over compensated a bit and worked so very hard, in case anyone thought I was not a good worker. I was really broken by the previous place telling me they were not happy with me. It went fine for about a year and then things started to seriously go down hill. Temper tantrums from the boss. Shouting and swearing and screaming. I was so shocked. I thought it was me, only to think about it more and see that no one should behave in that way. It is never right. It happened to everyone (except the favourite). It is crazy. No one feels safe. And then when the one sane boss also lost it, I thought it was time. I could have no self respect to accept that kind of behavior. The last straw was being shouted at by the boss for something that was not my fault. With no opportunity to explain. The other one sat there and watched, knowing it was not me. And when it was resolved that it was not me, but him that made this disaster, no apology was forthcoming for the bad behavior. To make matters worse, they told our client that it was me that did everything wrong. Me? I did not even work in that office when the disaster was made. I had raised my concerns and it was pushed away. To make it worse, other professionals in the field (we work with them)…they think our office is a joke. Our directors are without vision (I was told so directly). They have no future plan. The company is stagnating. What to say when you are told this? I said nothing because you do not talk bad about your office.
The last week of work, I was called for an interview with another office. I am so unsure. All my decisions since I have left the first place have been so far off the mark. I have researched all I can research. Why do they need staff? Are they also crazy and all the staff is leaving? Are they so successful that they need new people? How do I make the right decisions? Granted, I do not have the job, just an interview.
I have a week left to figure it out.