Category Archives: Woman

Life as just me and my personal journey

I am angry at the world.

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Things that are bothering me right now:

  1. The school:  I just need them to get with the programme.  We pay huge amounts of money for them to teach our child, and I expect that if I follow the rules they set out, they too need to follow the rules.  I have let my dissatisfaction be known to them.
  2. The psychologist:  We all have personal lives and I understand that sometimes life happens.  When life happens and it affects my professional environment, I go out of my way to accommodate the meeting, etc. I have missed. She is not doing that and is making her personal problems my problems and is not accommodating the inconvenience she has caused in my life.
  3. Nissan: I had my car fixed there, only to find that the idiot technician/mechanic did not properly test drive the car.  They just let it run on whatever machine they have, which runs straight, not turns, hence they did not pick up the problem that they have now caused. And then the service advisor tells me the two parts are not related, like I am an idiot.  Of course the wheel bearings and CV joints are in the wheel hub, which they opened up and interfered with. I am female, not an idiot. I am not a mechanic, but I am not an idiot. Car had one problem and you fixed it, and now it has another problem, I do not need to be a mechanic, or male to work that out.
  4. Our local professional institute:  As per my previous blog, they have no thought of being inclusive. And while the manager is very competent, she drives me insane when she talks to us like we are five year olds, learning to read.
  5. My FIL: He is in my space.
  6. My Hubby: He is on call and every time that phone rings in the middle of the night I want to destroy it.  I just need to sleep without interruptions.
  7. The Trustees where I live:  They do not know the first thing about anything and think that being a trustee has given them autonomy over the complex. As soon as you disagree with them, they pull out the “We are the trustees, we know better and it is about majority vote”  Like really?  It is my money you are supposed to be spending, get out of my way.
  8. Myself:  I need to stop being so angry at the world and just let it go.
  9. The cats:  One is tearing up the place, the other has no backbone.
  10. The caretaker: He keeps sending bulk messages about stupid stuff.  I have now blocked him, because I cannot deal with that.  I do not need anyone else’s religion or political views forced down my throat.
  11. My sisters:  I have a job which I work at very hard and I am good at.  Stop calling me a plan drawer, it is offensive.

I am so negative about everything.

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I do not often bother with these types of things, but since I have become a news junkie and had my eyes forcibly opened at my last job, I notice a lot more.

There was a two day conference organised by our local institute.  It was something I had been looking forward to for a while.  It was going to be one of those inspirational conferences, the type I love.
The reality of the world we live in, is that racism and sexism is a real thing. The institutes have been pushing women in the field, which I fully agree with.
Out of 19 presenters, there were only two woman, one Indian man, and one of the women happened to be black.  Really?  Do we really call ourselves inclusive?  Is this array of speaker all that could be mustered?  Surely if we are trying to encourage woman in the profession, we should give them more opportunities, and I know very many woman who would have had a lot to offer at this conference. The other reason that I paid such close attention the line up, was that at the last conference, one of the speakers had pointed out the skewed makeup of almost all white male speakers.
I am not saying that white males have nothing to offer, of course they do, but so do women and people who are not white.
I am an Indian female, and there are not very many of us in our profession. Everytime I go to a site meeting or just about any meeting for that matter, I have to earn respect on that team, which is just taken as given for the males in the team, no matter what their age.
I have been at meetings with a student (who I take along as a learning experience for him) to find that he will be addressed instead of myself. It is assumed he is the white male, so he must be the one who knows everything, when it is very obvious this child only started shaving in the last few years and does not even have the confidence to stand up straight. The attitude comes from men of any race.
At my last office, I was shocked to find that they considered black people not good enough to work there and it was something they would never consider.  Also, the males were paid more than the women and while the women did not receive increases because of the uncertain economic climate, the men receive yearly salary increases. Even white males with lesser qualifications than the women were paid more for less work responsibility. I was shocked, sad and left there. They are the reason why BBBEE still exists.
The joke of the whole conference was that it was to promote ideas and thinking outside the box.  If only they had thought outside the box when putting the presenters together.

Random bits and pieces.

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I looked up now, it is one of those lazy Friday afternoons.  Everyone is sitting plugged into their PC via earphones.  Lost in their pre-weekend world.  Doing little tasks and waiting for the bell to ring.
Hubby and I had a fight last night.  We made up before bedtime, but it is not nice to fight with your husband.
I am seeing Honeybear’s speech therapist next week.  I need a proper chat with her as to where we are going with this.
There is a kiddies birthday party coming up and I realise I need a gift budget.
We are having a Ninja Turtle birthday party for Honeybear. I am looking forward to it, as this is an easy one to plan.  I will start buying the bits and pieces early and invite my parents too.
I want to go visit my parents next week, hopefully I can swing the long weekend.
Our wedding anniversary approaches in a few days…9 years (we are old!)
I am looking forward to my sister visiting next week.
What will I cook?  Something traditional or something new (for my sister’s family).
I love the menu planning and freezer meals we did.  We are almost at the need of April and we still have meals to eat. (2 months).
I like having time to myself.  A lot of time.  I like to be by myself.
Honeybear and I had a Mom and son date day about 2 weeks ago.  Completely unplanned, but one of those days that will stick in my mind.  He loved it too and I love that we can appreciate things together like that.
Had dinner with friends this week.  It was so great to see everyone and to catch up (we all used to work together at some point but have moved or not moved).
I am planning on a family weekend.  Time to be us together.
I am upset with my Dad, but I need to let it go.  He is older, living in a different time from me and does not always understand me.
I am worried about my youngest sister.  I wish I could make things better for her.
I have turned into a good cook.
Perhaps I need to invite my cousin over this weekend.  She is a good person.
I need to adopt a child.  It is the thing in me, which comes back over and over.
Does hubby want to adopt…No.  *sigh*

Reading problem.

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I am going nuts I think.  I just cannot stop reading and reading and reading and it is taking over everything.  I have a reading problem.

I was reading Marcia’s blog  about the number of books read in a year and I read a lot.  I only realised it when I commented there.  And this weekend I remembered….

I read and read and lose myself in books when I am troubled.  Last year was a year of turmoil for me, in terms of work and getting used to big school with Honeybear.  Hubby and I seemed to to disconnect for bit too.  Living past each other, with all this stuff going on in our lives.

I am still reading like a crazy woman, and I do feel troubled.  Hubby is working longer hours with his new position and sometimes it is a whole twenty four hours before all three of us connect.  We connect among the routine of our lives, getting ready for work, school, laundry, cricket games…which is not much of a connection.  I am pretty busy working my day job and then my private work and then the PTA, and body corporate…and being a Mom.  I am so excited about HB learning to read, that I have to spend every afternoon with him, making sure he does not fall behind.  Hubby and I are back to stolen kisses and promises to sit down together.  Hubby works one weekend, I work the other weekend…and so it goes.

This all came to me as I sat in a dingy hot office on Friday morning with my latest student. The lady I was trying to sweet talk into helping started dishing out relationship advice to my student and myself.  She divorced her husband after 24 years.  You would think that after 24 years you have it sorted…you must never take things for granted.

She said that they divorced because they never made time for each  other anymore and that she did not understand his love language, and vice versa.  (we were there for 35 minutes, but that is the essence). This has had me thinking, in my weekend frenzy of reading.  Hubby and I need to take a time out.  We need to be with each other again.  I am not sure how I will make this happen. I am going to suck up my pride and I ask my long time friend if she is willing to have three kids for an afternoon, and maybe hubby and I can have an old-fashioned date.

I read because it helps me resolve things, and it helps me escape and it helps me breathe…escapism.

 

 

Changes again.

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Here I am, working out my notice period.  The opportunity came along, I said yes and  have a new job waiting.  The work hours are better, the salary is better and he understands mothers have life outside the office.  That was the biggest selling point for us.

Honeybear is loving school and I love that.  They have started learning phonics and I am looking forward to him reading.  His swimming lessons are worrying because he has regressed so far with the new teacher.  I have tried talking to the teacher, but she is being evasive. I have given her one more chance to be open about the lessons and then I will take it to the principal.  If I spoke to any other teacher about HB, I could have an open conversation with a teacher who understands my concerns and knows how to deal with nutty parents like myself.  The swim teacher seems to forget she is not running a kingdom, but a school for children with parents.

Hubby is also in a new position, which is an opportunity for him to prove himself.  Changes all around us, and I look forward to it.  He is managing his challenge, because it is a challenging position, and I think he will grow a lot here, even if the hours suck.

My house that I am working on privately is going well, and I look forward to the finished product.  I don’t particularly like doing houses, but it is extra money and easy enough to do.  The clients are lovely and they have this little cute toddler and I want to see them love their new house.

I love reading all your blogs, please write more.