And it just gets worse…


Yesterday was the first day back at school and already I have a complaint from Honeybear’s teacher about him. She told me he was kicking another child and refused to apologise.  Then he further refused to participate in the morning activities and birthday party.

Honeybear had already told me he was naughty and that he was so hungry but the teacher would not let him eat because he was naughty.  I was a little upset about the withholding of food but I figured he would be OK.  I left it that until the teacher messaged about the kicking and non participation.
So I asked him and he said he did not kick anyone, which is why he did not apologise.  I think I know what happened.  The teacher accused him of kicking, and told him to apologise, without listening to him try to explain his side of the story.  I was surprised when she said he was kicking someone, because he is not that kind of child.  He is non-confrontational and is more likely to complain and cry.
I messaged the mother of the boy involved and I asked her if she could ask her child what happened. (she is totally unaware anything happened)  Apparently he was not kicked, but smacked and it was not a fight.  The mother explained that her child is overly sensitive and normally exaggerates things, so I should not take it seriously, as she did not believe him herself.  I left it that and did not say anything to her, just apologised.
I asked the teacher if she had seen the incident and she said no, it was not even in her class, the other teacher apparently saw it.  Honeybear said they were walking in a line and the other child was kicking as he walked and he asked him to stop and then I assume they must have started getting upset with each other. No one was kicking anyone else. However, the teacher did not even bother to find out what is going on, because she was not even there.  She just insists Honeybear must tender an apology which he felt was unjustified.  So he starts crying to end in sulks. Added to that, he was hungry and less likely to get out the funk. And he is five years old!!!
Then she messages me about it as if it is a huge deal (the boys were over it by then). She tells me I should really get him to the psychologist because he is not coping and that sessions with the psychologist will help him as he needs.  It was the first day back, you did not listen to him and he is hungry. How do you expect the child to behave?
I told her I agreed to an evaluation, and when that was done, we could all have a meeting about the best way to help my child.
Just writing this I want to cry tears of frustration.  My child is not bad, he does not have behaviour problems.  Strangers stop me and tell me what a well mannered perfectly behaved child he is.  He has spent two weeks in a different school for the holidays and I have had not a single complaint about behaviour.
I also find it nuts that we have moved from him needing help because he cannot cope with the schoolwork to him now having behaviour problems and needs help.  I feel that the teacher has decided he is a bad child and that she is not going to see anything different.  She is just seeing problems when she looks at him, not normal five year behaviour.  I am afraid of what she is going to say to the psychologist at this stage when she does the referral.  He is not a bad child and her experience with him, is completely different from mine or anyone elses.
I am almost upset enough that I am considering moving him to another school, because he is not a bad child, he is just a child and children tend to not listen and do things we consider naughty, because that is what they do.

Random bits and pieces.

I looked up now, it is one of those lazy Friday afternoons.  Everyone is sitting plugged into their PC via earphones.  Lost in their pre-weekend world.  Doing little tasks and waiting for the bell to ring.
Hubby and I had a fight last night.  We made up before bedtime, but it is not nice to fight with your husband.
I am seeing Honeybear’s speech therapist next week.  I need a proper chat with her as to where we are going with this.
There is a kiddies birthday party coming up and I realise I need a gift budget.
We are having a Ninja Turtle birthday party for Honeybear. I am looking forward to it, as this is an easy one to plan.  I will start buying the bits and pieces early and invite my parents too.
I want to go visit my parents next week, hopefully I can swing the long weekend.
Our wedding anniversary approaches in a few days…9 years (we are old!)
I am looking forward to my sister visiting next week.
What will I cook?  Something traditional or something new (for my sister’s family).
I love the menu planning and freezer meals we did.  We are almost at the need of April and we still have meals to eat. (2 months).
I like having time to myself.  A lot of time.  I like to be by myself.
Honeybear and I had a Mom and son date day about 2 weeks ago.  Completely unplanned, but one of those days that will stick in my mind.  He loved it too and I love that we can appreciate things together like that.
Had dinner with friends this week.  It was so great to see everyone and to catch up (we all used to work together at some point but have moved or not moved).
I am planning on a family weekend.  Time to be us together.
I am upset with my Dad, but I need to let it go.  He is older, living in a different time from me and does not always understand me.
I am worried about my youngest sister.  I wish I could make things better for her.
I have turned into a good cook.
Perhaps I need to invite my cousin over this weekend.  She is a good person.
I need to adopt a child.  It is the thing in me, which comes back over and over.
Does hubby want to adopt…No.  *sigh*

How much does a five year old need?


We had our parents meeting and I left feeling like there is no hope.  Last year this time we signed up Honeybear for Speech Therapy.  While I did not feel like the therapy was fully warranted, but I did not want to be one of those parents who ignore problems.  My feelings were right, when the assessment at the end of the year (after months of speech therapy and a new therapist), it was found he has no problems outside what are normal for his age.

I decided, with the therapist’s advice, that he continue for one term into this year, to ensure that he got a hang on the phonics, as this is the first time they are learning phonics, and grounding etc….is important.
This meeting this week, the teacher says he has no speech issues, but she thinks we must keep him in therapy because there he gets one on one help with the therapist. So now the therapy is for phonics tuition?  When we sit at home, there is only two that he mixes up, the b and d.  And the teacher says that is common to all the children.
The teacher suggests that there must be a confidence issue int he class environment which is why he cannot say what he knows in the class.  She also says he starts to cry and stops responding and she has had to take him to lie in the sick room a few times, until he clams down.  The one time, I knew about it, and she also admitted it was an understandable situation of why he was so worked up.  The principal who oversees all the sick room kids, tells me he has only been there once (the one incident I know about).  So is the teacher lying to me?  Why did she not tell me about any of the other incidents like she told me about the one?
She also says he needs to go see the school psychologist. Why?  Because he tends to get shy and sometimes very stubborn.  I agreed, because her reasons were so weak and I wanted to laugh.  I am wondering if she thinks there is something wrong in our home environment and she is looking for a way to send him to the psychologist?
I am at the end of it all.
Every day, I sit with that child of mine and I go through all the phonics, counting, vocabulary…everything.  Everything! If you read his report, he has achieved everything he needs to achieve for his age group.  He is on par with the class, and he also performed better in some areas, like any other child.  He is no Einstein, but he is keeping up…so I cannot see where this comes from.  I was taken aback by the whole thing about the psychologist and speech therapy I never asked her why the report says one thing and she (who made the report) is saying something else. She says he cannot keep up in the class, but then she assessed him, in the report as having achieved all that needs to be achieved this year.
She says he just needs to know the sounds, not be able to actually read words this year, but then she also says that he cannot read the words.  So which is it?  I know he cannot read words, he does not understand that the sounds make up words.  But it is not a thing he needs to know in Grade 0.  Even the speech therapist says that while some kids, the girls especially, are able to read words, it is a stretch to expect him to be able to read in the first term.
I just cannot understand where this all comes from.  I am a good mother, hubby is a good father.  We actually spend time with Honeybear, going through his school work.
I do everything I possibly can to make sure my child is healthy and happy, but it does not seem to work.
I have an appointment with the speech therapist for sometime next week, to understand what the speech issue is.  If it is just phonics tuition, then I am going to stop this.
The psychologist will only happen next term when the kids are back at school.  I feel like we can do nothing right.  My child is fine, but he is not fine. I have even let him come back and sleep in our bed, because maybe he he is not ready to sleep in his own room, and we must be emotionally destroying him because we insist he must sleep in his own room.
When I speak to other parents, of kids in his class and in other schools, Honeybear seems like he is doing everything that they are doing.  He cries the same amount, he is sensitive like they are, he cannot read like they don’t read.  In fact, the reading at the private school down the road only teach reading from Grade 1.  It is not an issue in Grade 0, like my child has in the very first term of Grade 0.
I do understand I am currently being one of those parents I do not want to be.  I refuse to accept that there is something wrong with my child.

Catching up.


It has been a while…but that seems the norm these days.  I have been in the new job almost a whole month and I think it is going fine.  The office is way way way more relaxed than the previous office.  I have had two deadlines in the time I have been there, and even with work under pressure, it was still relaxed.  Deadlines must be met, but neither are they the end of the world.

I still gets loads of calls from the old office and after the end of March, I am going to have to cut them loose.  My friends from there are waiting for a dinner date so we can all catch up.

The new office also gave us all Monday off…had nothing to do with leave.  I think getting into the relationships may take a while, because everyone in that office has worked there forever.  I think that is a good sign, that people stay there.  The old office had a very high staff turnover.

Hubby has had some compliments about the way he is managing his new position.  I think it makes him feel relaxed knowing that he is making a difficult position work.

Honeybear and I spent some good quality time together these last four days.  I think we both needed it.  I have been working so hard on my private work.  I try to work only when he is asleep, but it is not always possible.  I also need to spend time with Hubby.

Things with Hubby is another post.  I love him so much, and he is one of the most caring souls, and I am so lucky to have him choose me.

Reading problem.


I am going nuts I think.  I just cannot stop reading and reading and reading and it is taking over everything.  I have a reading problem.

I was reading Marcia’s blog  about the number of books read in a year and I read a lot.  I only realised it when I commented there.  And this weekend I remembered….

I read and read and lose myself in books when I am troubled.  Last year was a year of turmoil for me, in terms of work and getting used to big school with Honeybear.  Hubby and I seemed to to disconnect for bit too.  Living past each other, with all this stuff going on in our lives.

I am still reading like a crazy woman, and I do feel troubled.  Hubby is working longer hours with his new position and sometimes it is a whole twenty four hours before all three of us connect.  We connect among the routine of our lives, getting ready for work, school, laundry, cricket games…which is not much of a connection.  I am pretty busy working my day job and then my private work and then the PTA, and body corporate…and being a Mom.  I am so excited about HB learning to read, that I have to spend every afternoon with him, making sure he does not fall behind.  Hubby and I are back to stolen kisses and promises to sit down together.  Hubby works one weekend, I work the other weekend…and so it goes.

This all came to me as I sat in a dingy hot office on Friday morning with my latest student. The lady I was trying to sweet talk into helping started dishing out relationship advice to my student and myself.  She divorced her husband after 24 years.  You would think that after 24 years you have it sorted…you must never take things for granted.

She said that they divorced because they never made time for each  other anymore and that she did not understand his love language, and vice versa.  (we were there for 35 minutes, but that is the essence). This has had me thinking, in my weekend frenzy of reading.  Hubby and I need to take a time out.  We need to be with each other again.  I am not sure how I will make this happen. I am going to suck up my pride and I ask my long time friend if she is willing to have three kids for an afternoon, and maybe hubby and I can have an old-fashioned date.

I read because it helps me resolve things, and it helps me escape and it helps me breathe…escapism.