Getting back on the wagon.

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After my blood tests, my diet sort of fell apart.  I just gave up.  I was feeling like what is the point of all this if the main reason I started is not working. We have our freezer cooking weekend, coming up and I was very ready to throw it all in.  I have to admit…it does cost us more to buy the diet stuff than to buy the food we normally buy. It was very tempting. I had all my recipes ready and was about to make the shopping list…and then a little voice said:

“You have been feeling so good about being smaller, you are at you pre-pregnancy weight, don’t you want to go all the way?”

I know my cholesterol did not really excite me.  I do have to go do a proper test (when I am psyched to  do it again, I am not there yet).  The reality is that  my cholesterol may never get better, no matter what I eat.

I have 10kgs to lose and it is taking very long to lose these 10kgs. So I need to not give up hope and just stick with it for now.

I agreed with hubby that I will look over my recipes again and I will make diet friendly freezer meals for all of us.  My challenge (which I look forward to), is to make sure that our grocery budget remains within reason. So my rough ides for now:

  1. Baked chicken wings. Why do chicken wings cost so much per kilo?
  2. Venison lasagne with aubergine replacing pasta and my cauliflower white sauce.
  3. Crustless spinach and mushroom quiche with homemade cheese and eggs replacing the custard bit (that thing that holds it all together).
  4. Egg and veggie (pepper, onions, broccoli, mushrooms) muffins (for grab and go breakfasts).  Do not use brown mushrooms here.  Only white button.  The brown ones tend to make the muffin look brown and disgusting.
  5. Pot roasted chicken and veggies.
  6. Cabbage and mutton curry (reminds me of home).
  7. Butter chicken with homemade yoghurt replacing the cream. I will have flaxseed and sunflower rotis to go with it.
  8. Samp and beans with lamb. This is a whole meal by itself, not the dry samp that you see in the shops.
  9. Homemade fish cakes made with flaxseed “bread” crumbs.
  10. Venison and peas in a tomato based curry without any potatoes.  Hubby and HB can cook rice that day to go with it.
  11. Beans curry made with cow peas. Again, no potatoes.
  12. Veggie soup.
  13. Maybe a veggie pizza, if I feel like it.
  14. Plain roast veggies which we can toast in a jaffle with cream cheese.  I love jaffles…but the bread is not allowed, I will have to use my own flax or sunflower bread.
We just add salad to go.  And I use salad loosely.  HB and I will just eat a chunk of cucumber and tomato and be good with it. Hubby wants more of a production, but then he makes it.

I have left off the pies because I have no suitable replacement for the puff pastry.  I am not keen on cauliflower mash or rice.  It smells strange.

I am open to suggestions.

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Make them leave.

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I was planning on a quiet weekend and then decided to do a playdate.  It was a playdate from hell, well maybe not that bad.

The Mom turned up 2,5 hours late…the playdate was supposed to be over by then, I had one of my headaches and they stayed and stayed and stayed.

The child was so naughty.  He climbed on HB’s desk and took stuff of his book shelf, threw it onto the floor, moved the bed and did who knows what, he played with things I specifically asked him to leave alone (I had moved them up and away…but there was a desk) There were pretzels and juice all over and the child was whiny and irritated me to no end.

I was trying very hard to be polite…the Mom  commented I looked tired, but still did not leave.  I was rude and offered no more coffee…she just made it herself.  I gave up and made the kids pack up the toys, and scolded them all for the disaster and they still did not leave.

I wanted to pull out my eyes and cry, but they still did not leave.  It was 15 minutes to HB’s bedtime and he had not had dinner, before they finally left.

And they just left, without attempting to calm the disaster that was my house.  The Mom even commented on the disaster, but she did nothing about it.  I was so tired and my headache was worse by the end of that playdate.  It is families like these that make me never want to do this again.

How do you get rid of guests who have overstayed their welcome?  How do you say, please leave now, I have had enough.

The goddess.

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So it is week three with our new domestic goddess and a goddess she is.  The first week I made a list and had hubby stay late and discuss it with her…she did the list and a whole heap more.  I was blown away.  After that I decided to dispense with the list because this woman does not need to be micromanaged.  She knows what she is doing and she has a plan. I think I almost love her.  It is as if she can read my mind and extrapolate all the things I want done.

She even organised my kitchen drawers…like I would organise it, if I ever had the time or inclination to do it properly.

We have hundreds of books (I am not exaggerating, hubby and I have a mini library, and HB has his own).  She unpacked the books and dusted under them and on them and put them back on IN ORDER!

I always dreamed about doing the books, but it is such a huge task, I never have.

She picks up our stuff around the house and categorises them, and finds one spot for it.  She does the weird things, without me ever having asked.  I have never asked anyone to dust the shelves or clean inside the fridge or scrub out grout lines….but she just did it.

Thinking about this goddess (who I don’t really see, she only sees hubby sometimes), I think she is great at this house work thing, so I actually think she would do brilliantly in a better paying job.  I don’t think she will stay with us for very long, because her future holds better than cleaning my house.  I will miss her, because she is on my wave length and I almost love her.  I asked hubby to stay late today and to tell her that I almost love her.

The result of having her, is that I actually have weekends to do the things I want to do.  HB and I go out for our little picnics and play dates and I sew and crochet. Hubby and I can just be with each other, without cleaning something.

This weekend I am going to organise my sewing things.  The other thing:  When I invite people over, I do not have to rush about picking up and dusting. I can just invite people over and relax.  I am relaxed over the weekends, I am less snappy and resentful.  I don’t have to clean under the couches and scrub out the bathroom.

This lovely woman has changed my life and I wonder if she knows that she has.  Does she know that she should be running her own cleaning company or any company….she has organising skills, she is not just someone who cleans a house.

Happiness.

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I am looking forward to the weekend.  It has been busy and hubby has been working the last two weekends.  I have no kiddie playdates organised, just one grownup playdate.

I have more beanies to crochet.  Guys, this project of RM’s is the perfect way to increase your skills.  I made some plain ones, which are really quick and easy and then I started out a stitch I have not tried before.  So this beanie project is brilliant to upskill yourself.  I have learned about the correct way to increase stitches, using a stitch marker has changed my life, I have learned how do that swirling cable beanie.  For me, this is a big wow.
I also have some personal sewing…have to take in the waists of my pants so that I don’t have a big pleat at the top.  It is a good feeling to be smaller, even if I am not totally healthier yet.
I promised HB some new gloves…he asked for plain ones.  My little boy is growing up. His teacher sent an email to me this morning to tell me he is doing really well this term and seems to be flying through the concepts.  It warms my heart to hear such positive comments.
Hubby an I agreed this morning that we are only saying good things and no little snappies (because we have started to be a tad cranky with each other….it comes from not seeing each other enough).
I also get to go enjoy some good traditional food with a cousin…I have not seen her in a long time.
I had a call from a friend I have not spoken to for a while and she had such good news to share.  It was good that when she wanted to share something brilliant, she gave me a call.
It is cold and sunny and I feel happy today…so many good things to be happy about.

Now what?

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So after 4 months on this diet, I have gone down 3 sizes, lost 15kgs and…my cholesterol levels are higher than when I started.

I eat way more veggies, I do not eat excessive fats, but I do eat full cream everything.  I do not eat meat excessively either.  My typical day is a flaxseed muffin for breakfast or seed crackers I make myself.  Besides the natural oil in the seeds, the only fat in there is an egg in the muffin.
I eat a salad for lunch with 1 tablespoon mayo.
Dinner is the only meal where things are different and I am not so strict.  It still contains veggies or/and meat…but again, iti s not junk or bought food.  I cook it.
I do not eat snacks.   I do not eat sugar.  In the four months I was on the diet, I cheated four time: 2 mini quiches, a slice of cheesecake (which did not stay long, I was ill after), and one small slice of pizza.
I am not sure what else I should not be eating.  I eat very high fibre already with the seeds and cruciferous veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, broccoli, cauliflower).  Yes, I eat fat, but I did not think it was too much.
I feel like giving up. I feel like going off and making myself a big cup of tea with normal dairy full cream milk and giving up on this whole thing.  I will just go take the statin drugs, with all the side effects it has and the risk of birth defects if I ever get pregnant via an oopsie.
I will just take the drugs, and eat whatever and just give this up, because it is not working.
I love fruit, and I have even given up eating those because of the high sugar.  I was about to start eating berries and melon again, but I just don’t know.  Is this worth it?
I have a family history of cardiac disease and high cholesterol.  So I know there is genetics in here I can do nothing about. I did, however, think that if I tried really hard, I could make a difference and delay those statins until I was a bit older and really not going to ever be pregnant.  I think for me, the risks to a child if I was ever pregnant is the biggest thing.   I am 37 now and I know I do not want anymore children, but the fact is, I can have children still and I do all the things that could make children.  Yes I use contraception, but this is not 100%.  It is very effective, but not 100%, and I do forget sometimes.  I am not ready for tube cuts and tube ties also slip open sometimes.
Hubby is not about to get tubes cut either.
Even though I decided one child is enough (I decided, not hubby…I made him think it is what he wants), sometimes I still want another three kids.