Feedback.

Standard
We had the feedback meeting with the educational psychologist and I am a little confused.  Everything that she said is nothing new to Hubby and I.  We know the child we have. So why did we have to do all this?

He gets easily frustrated, but it is possibly a temperament thing and not a problem.  It is also something he will grow out of and is not a problem. If he is still having the same issue at Grade 5, then we need to worry.
She has not noticed any ADHD markers  etc.
She noticed he mispronounces some things (which I already chatted to the speech therapist about at the beginning of the year and she said it is age appropriate mispronunciation, nothing wrong).
She said he is highly creative and imaginative. Which possibly means he daydreams and does not always listen, but again she says it is not a problem, just the person he is.
She says he does not always follow all instructions, because he is young and young children tend to selective hear.
Mama shouts…which I already know.  And Mama has rules…which I already know.  But HB also mentioned that Mama gives many hugs and kisses and also allows breaking of rules.
The cats bother HB when they fight (they bother me too, and the one is a kitten so it needs time to be broken in and I cannot see how this is affecting HB’s performance in class).
She mentioned that he mixes up sadness and anger.  OK, but it is something he will work out, and we should increase his vocabulary so he has the words to express in between feelings. Like irritation, frustration.
He is a child who feels intensely.  Again, not a problem, but the person he is.
He needs to learn to share better.  Yes we have only one child so he is not used to sharing, but she suggested more playdates…which is something we can do. Again this is not an earth shattering revelation or problem.
The only thing she mentioned was that maybe he could have an auditory processing problem…but she is not really sure that he has this problem.  She will talk to the speech therapist (who I have already spoken to) and we can do some tests at the hearing centre.  We know he can hear perfectly well, perhaps he is not processing it very well.  But this is conjecture, nothing we really know.
Also, she has does not really know why he had the meltdowns he has had at school. The teacher told her about it, but it is so completely out of character that she cannot comment on that.  She will observe him further in class and she will get the teacher to fill out a questionnaire.
She says HB is aware of the fact that he does not always finish his work and feels like he is not intelligent enough in some areas, but that he also feels he is good at some things.  It breaks my heart.
At  the end of all this:
We are going to get him tested for some kind of auditory/sensory processing disorder.
Get him tested for allergies.
Help him expand his vocabulary so he can express the subtle feelings.
Mama will be conscious about shouting and try her very best to do it less.
Model behaviour to deal with feelings.
I almost feel like we are going on a witch hunt to find something wrong with this child.  He likes the time with the psychologist and since we are not paying for it at this stage, we are happy to let him continue with her.  She is not hurting him and she seems like a genuinely nice person.
I am not a perfect parent and I welcome any constructive comment on being better.
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14 responses »

  1. By reading all your comments, it seems like you’re trying to find a problem that isn’t there to be honest. So much of stuff! But I guess I’m not the professional. Shame, this must be so tough to be going through when you KNOW your own child!!

    • I will agree that he is immature compared to some of the kids in his group, but then he is also more mature than others too. Hubby and I have agreed to just let it go for now and do the best we can.

  2. It does sound like a bit of a witch hunt doesn’t it. Like you are trying to find a medical reason for your kid being a kid, if you know what I mean.
    I can see many of the things you mention in Liam, and myself (shout too much, but many hugs) Liam also does not like to share (only kid), feels intensely about most things and has been described by his teachers as being too soft-hearted.
    No one is the perfect parent. We just do what we do, hoping that we don’t scare our children.
    You are a good Mum, don’t doubt that. The trouble you are going through to see if there is anything wrong is a testament to that.

      • Yep, this year his teacher asked us about Liam’s confidence and we said he is very confident, he talks to everyone and isn’t clingy at all, but his feelings are very quickly hurt. This is NOT a bad thing

  3. OMW so many big words for such a little person, what happened to kids just being kids? We try to push and shove them into perfect little adults when they just want to be kids. Sounds to me like he is a normal little boy just navigating this crazy world of ours.

    With the cats, when we introduced a new kitten a few years ago, we played with a kitty fishing rod with both of them, every day for about 5-10 minutes, it helped a ton with the constant growling and fighting.

    Sounds to me like you are doing a great job, I’m sorry to say but I have seen a lot of this (teachers trying to find a problem where there is no problem), and when they get into primary school the teachers asses them to being ADHD when they are just being normal children. Maybe if we try not to push our children to grow up so much they won’t have so many issues, this is one thing of this life that is scaring me, I agree your child must be well behaved and well adjusted, but expecting them to act like an adult, for a young mind that is a bit too much, I’m pretty sure that they will have some issues, they were not meant to adult in their child world.

    Not sure if any of the above makes any sense…

    You just keep doing what you doing, your baby is doing great, don’t let a silly teacher ruin who he is xx

    • Thanks Nats. I think we feel better knowing that there is no earth shattering revelation. We know out child and we will go with the flow for now and try to do our best. Nothing currently will affect him negatively so we are willing to let the sessions continue.

  4. Oh Gosh, I feel like I could be reading my very own script. Few years ago, I was in the same situation, teacher insisting something was “wrong” and by that I mean my kid apparently had ADD, self diagnosed by the teacher. Went all possible routes, eventually she was assessed by a professional who decided what I already knew, she didn’t have ADD, she is just a dreamer. Well the school covered the teacher, and I began to homeschool – difficult decision but had to save the little self confidence my then 2nd grader had left. Diagnosing and medicating kids who are artistic, dreamy or different just seems to be the route to go these days.

    • Hubby suggested that the reason that the psychologist is still looking for something, is because the teacher insists that something is wrong.
      So far, HB still loves school and is very excited about going to school. I was comforted to hear the psychologist say that these attention disorders are over diagnosed and small interventions like letting them stretch or run can work wonders for all kids.
      I salute you on the homeschooling, it is not an easy thing to do and not an easy decision.

  5. I just have this total disconnect between all the role players on the one side and then the teacher on the other. Why don’t you sit down, count the days until the end of the school year and take it day by day. If you have the same problems next year – then act and work it out but it just seems although this teacher has her knife out for a very small child and is in the process damaging him, you and wasting the time and resources of the school. And remember he is sensitive and he can most probably feel that this teacher is negative towards him and therefore he acts out… nobody wants to be disliked.

    • Unfortunately, we cannot let it go, because the teacher has suggested keeping him back a year. I know from personal experience that this can work well with some kids. I have asked that we all have a meeting together with the teacher later this month. So everyone can have their say about this and then we must be done with it.
      There are not many school days left, and even if he is kept back a year, I will not allow him to stay in the same class. His old teacher from last year (in the same school) thinks all this is excessive too.
      The joke is: he is not acting out, which is why the psychologist is a little at a loss. The teacher says he is, but psychologist is not seeing it.

  6. I also mix up sadness and anger 🙂 As in I get angry when I’m probably just sad.

    Seriously thought, I think there’s nothing wrong with your child. He sounds completely normal to me. A bit of this and a bit of that, but that is what personality is.

    I am willing to chat – seriously – the one thing I regret about pre-school is NOT taking Connor away from a teacher who was “out to get him” and that dashed his confidence for a good year or so. And that, internet friend, is what I’m concerned about for your little one. I really think you need to explore another avenue for him (teacher/ or school) because once their confidence is gone, they believe they are not good at things and that stuff takes a long time (if ever) to fix.

  7. What a nightmare this is to unpack! Woowee.
    I agree, it sounds like this teacher and you child are not a good mix; and at least an independent party has come on board, for want of a better description, ‘on your side’. Yes, jump through the hoops, and get through to the end of the year and take it from there. I think your thoughts sound good and you plan is solid. keep nurturing your little soul at home, to give him the strength to deal with his challenges.

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