And it just gets worse…

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Yesterday was the first day back at school and already I have a complaint from Honeybear’s teacher about him. She told me he was kicking another child and refused to apologise.  Then he further refused to participate in the morning activities and birthday party.

Honeybear had already told me he was naughty and that he was so hungry but the teacher would not let him eat because he was naughty.  I was a little upset about the withholding of food but I figured he would be OK.  I left it that until the teacher messaged about the kicking and non participation.
So I asked him and he said he did not kick anyone, which is why he did not apologise.  I think I know what happened.  The teacher accused him of kicking, and told him to apologise, without listening to him try to explain his side of the story.  I was surprised when she said he was kicking someone, because he is not that kind of child.  He is non-confrontational and is more likely to complain and cry.
I messaged the mother of the boy involved and I asked her if she could ask her child what happened. (she is totally unaware anything happened)  Apparently he was not kicked, but smacked and it was not a fight.  The mother explained that her child is overly sensitive and normally exaggerates things, so I should not take it seriously, as she did not believe him herself.  I left it that and did not say anything to her, just apologised.
I asked the teacher if she had seen the incident and she said no, it was not even in her class, the other teacher apparently saw it.  Honeybear said they were walking in a line and the other child was kicking as he walked and he asked him to stop and then I assume they must have started getting upset with each other. No one was kicking anyone else. However, the teacher did not even bother to find out what is going on, because she was not even there.  She just insists Honeybear must tender an apology which he felt was unjustified.  So he starts crying to end in sulks. Added to that, he was hungry and less likely to get out the funk. And he is five years old!!!
Then she messages me about it as if it is a huge deal (the boys were over it by then). She tells me I should really get him to the psychologist because he is not coping and that sessions with the psychologist will help him as he needs.  It was the first day back, you did not listen to him and he is hungry. How do you expect the child to behave?
I told her I agreed to an evaluation, and when that was done, we could all have a meeting about the best way to help my child.
Just writing this I want to cry tears of frustration.  My child is not bad, he does not have behaviour problems.  Strangers stop me and tell me what a well mannered perfectly behaved child he is.  He has spent two weeks in a different school for the holidays and I have had not a single complaint about behaviour.
I also find it nuts that we have moved from him needing help because he cannot cope with the schoolwork to him now having behaviour problems and needs help.  I feel that the teacher has decided he is a bad child and that she is not going to see anything different.  She is just seeing problems when she looks at him, not normal five year behaviour.  I am afraid of what she is going to say to the psychologist at this stage when she does the referral.  He is not a bad child and her experience with him, is completely different from mine or anyone elses.
I am almost upset enough that I am considering moving him to another school, because he is not a bad child, he is just a child and children tend to not listen and do things we consider naughty, because that is what they do.
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7 responses »

  1. bugger that teacher man! report the incident to the headmaster and see how it goes. or the owner of the school, i’m not sure what the setup is there. the fact that he wasn’t given food on account of naughtiness is really worrying and unacceptable, as far as I’m concerned that is neglect. en klaar.

    teachers have such a huge impact on our kids, you can not let this one teach your child that he is bad. if she did not address the situation correctly, she must stand in for her decisions. maybe they can move honeybear to another class?

    REPORT HER. and if you cant find joy, report the school and move honeybear.

  2. Oh goodness, it sounds like she overreated to the whole thing. Like you said, she didn’t see it, the boys were over it and HB was hungry. Any mum knows what a hungry kid is capable of.
    It isn’t good that this teacher seems to have it in for him, if you know what I mean. A teacher like that can ruin a kids passion for school and pretty soon HB will give even more problems because he doesn’t want to go.
    Perhaps a word with the principal? HB is a sweet little kid and well behaved. This is a once off, but I know how you feel.
    Remember last year when a Mum called me and accused Liam of punching her son?

  3. Oh no – it sounds rather strange to me! What about escalating to the principal? And if you don’t feel the need for the referral, should you really be taking him to a psychologist at the teacher’s insistence? Can he not move classes or is there only one class?

  4. Ai man poor little dude.
    Do hope you get this sorted out.
    Sometimes techs just don’t like.our little darlings for whatever reason but let’s hope she can be an adult and listen to your issues and fix her attitude towards your child.

  5. I do think the teacher has labeled him and is not looking at this objectively. If things do not improve soon I agree with the other commentator about escalating it to the principal. But if she doesn’t have Honey Bear’s best interests at heart then maybe she isn’t the right teacher for him.
    (Today I had one kid being kicked and another one being scratched it was hectic!! I did not witness the scratching which was actually worse because I was busy with the kicking incident! Being a teacher is really hard.)

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