Getting over it.

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So the salary thing is working its way out of my life.  I have talked to myself and I also met my old boss yesterday.  We had a nice lunch and it was good to see him again. I think it was good for me to be reminded.  I loved working there but I left because they could not afford to pay a higher salary, or just did not want to.  I did not make a case, I just explained this is what I needed and I loved working there but the salary was not working for me.  We all have a good relationship still and it is nice to know we can have lunch and catch up.

It also reminded me that we need different things at different time in our lives.  I had already decided not to ask about a salary adjustment because I felt that I had already negotiated my work hours in order to fetch Honeybear from school.  Having different work hours is far more important than salary at this stage in my life.  I know they very often do not respect that, but again, I have to ensure that  they do.  I know I work too many free overtime ours, but again, that is something I will have to change.  I still  love my work and this is not a bad office.  However, I think I do need to have the salary chat anyway, just because it is the grown-up thing to do.

The thing that I have not completely let go is the tantrum in the office where I ended up in tears. To be honest, the salary and tantrum together makes me feel disrespected, however, there is enough good things to make the bad things weigh less.

I have pretty much done a good job persuading myself of things.

On another note:  I was surprised to find that my parents and sisters think I am cold and aloof.  I took that into my heart a little.  They know me, I have lived with them, grew up with them and they are my people…and they do not know me.  I am not cold and aloof. I am not unfeeling and hard.

I am shy and highly private. I do not cry in public (unless it is extreme).  I do not open up and tell all because I am afraid of being judged, not because I do not have empathy.

I am the one that gives lifts to strangers.  I believe that they will not hurt me.  I am the one who buys food for the homeless man I see everyday.  I am the one who buys an extra takeaway because I know we are going to drive past that guy near the KFC. I am the one who carries energy bars in my bag so I can dish it out to the beggars at the traffic lights.  I am the one who never spanks her child or any other child. I end up doing endless things for other people just because they asked.

Hubby says people think I am aloof and cold because I do not share.  People think I think I am better than they are because I do not talk so much.  I do not talk because I am shy and reserved and it takes me a long time to get used to people.  (HEHE that is my child I just described, just had an epiphany)

I guess today I feel good about one thing and my heart is a little hurt that I create the wrong perception.  I am not a bad person.

 

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8 responses »

  1. Shame – so sorry to hear that you’re hurting. I think it hurts the most when you get criticism or negativity from the people who are closest to who! And you seem to be a real thinker too so this will probably be something that you’re going to think about for a while now. On the up side, at least you’re feeling something positive and at least it’s the weekend soon soon so you get to spend some time with honeybear 🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. I’m completely with you on that page about doing things for people and people thinking I’m a snob – I’m just so painfully shy.

    Welcome to the Runnermum and Helen club! 🙂

  3. Cold and aloof or protecting yourself? I think the latter. I too would rather stay out of things and seem uncaring to others than get too involved and get hurt.
    Its hard not to care about what others think about us, but like you said, they don’t know the real you. Let them think what they will.
    I know you aren’t a bad person

  4. I can imagine how tough it is to hear from your nearest and dearest. To me you certainly do not translate as cold and aloof but then a lot of more introverted people feel more comfortable communicating in the written format. And I know that you are a good person

  5. Oh it sounds like you need a massive hug, Big Cyber Hugs coming your way. I also sometimes come across as cold and aloof, but because I’m a shy and private person – takes a lot for me to share with someone… We here know that you are a kind-hearted person!
    Sounds like you thought the work thing through, hope things improve for you there.

  6. People who really know you will appreciate the real you. Some of the most hurtful things are said by our family. We can’t choose them, unfortunately. I still remember my sister saying I would make a lousy psychologist when I was studying psychology which really hurt. She said I didn’t listen. I disagree. Sometimes you need close friends to affirm you when others don’t get you.

  7. At the end of the day, people judge any which way – whether you’re a ‘snob’ or an over sharer. All I know is that I find myself caring less and less about other’s opinions of me, and more about what makes me happy and makes me feel good about my life. I refuse to define myself by other’s opinions of me (and there are a lot of those given my career and small town).
    (This doesn’t mean it doesn’t sometimes get to me though)
    Hang in there…

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