Putting things into perspective

Once again I have gone missing.  Well not completely, because I do read the blogs, even if I am like a stalker and do not leave comments.  There has been stuff going on, which I have not wanted to write or talk about, because I do needed time to get my head around.

The first thing was the meeting with Honeybear’s teacher.  He had not been doing so well.  Not wanting to participate in the class group and he does not do all the activities.  He can do it, but it is difficult to judge because he does not participate.  She was kind enough to write us a few sheets of things to practice at home.  We also agreed to an assessment with a speech therapist, because he is not always so easy to understand.

So I was feeling a little bit like a horrible mother, but all was not a surprise, because we know he is a reserved child.  The teacher also felt that he needed time to get used to school as opposed to nursery school.

Work is still crazy busy and in between working crazy hours and weekends I have been teaching Honeybear.  Not sure whether hubby is doing what we discussed and no time to find out.   Not happy with work situation, but let it go at that.  And then work situation became really bad.  I was shouted at in front of the entire office, as part of a huge ranting session at the whole office.  I ended up shouting back, at my boss, and we decided to take it out of the office and into his office.  I ended up in tears and left.  Unprofessional on both our parts but it was what it came down to.  Anyway, after I was less teary we spoke and apologized to each other and tried to explain the issues and resolve it.  I just gave up and accepted it, without feeling like it is resolved.  That ended up with the other director calling me to his office to speak to me, and I ended up crying again (so unprofessional).  He wanted to speak to me to tell me that there is no problem with my work and that they are actually happy with me, and the other director was out of line and took things too far.  Like parents, directors should not disagree in front of staff, but I appreciated the vote of confidence.

Anyway after that I felt pretty irritated, and I have been working to let it go.  It is not working.

Then evaluation with speech therapist and second meeting with teacher.  Honeybear is about one year behind…language difficulty.  A lot to do with the Afrikaans background (in terms of previous daycare).  So we have work ahead of us.  The teacher interview went better and there has been fast improvement and things going better in class.  This made me feel slightly better, that the home practice is really helping.  However, it means we have to spend time with our child helping him and my crazy working has got to stop.

With my current office, there is no end in sight for the crazy working hours.  I was sick and was asked to stay home by doctor.  I ended up working full days at home and going back to work before I was well.

With the time Honeybear needs, and the inflexibility of the office, this is not going to work.  There can be no competition between my work and child.  The office is only getting busier and with the ranting at me and the school problems, I am done with all this.

I cannot just up and leave my job, because even with all that has been going on, I do enjoy my work and I am good at what I do.  Also, we cannot have me without a salary.  For now I have done nothing.  I am not sure where I will find a more child friendly working environment, but I am optimistic our little family will get through my tough spot and all will be fine.

In perspective, my troubles are not that huge compared to millions out there.