Putting things into perspective

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Once again I have gone missing.  Well not completely, because I do read the blogs, even if I am like a stalker and do not leave comments.  There has been stuff going on, which I have not wanted to write or talk about, because I do needed time to get my head around.

The first thing was the meeting with Honeybear’s teacher.  He had not been doing so well.  Not wanting to participate in the class group and he does not do all the activities.  He can do it, but it is difficult to judge because he does not participate.  She was kind enough to write us a few sheets of things to practice at home.  We also agreed to an assessment with a speech therapist, because he is not always so easy to understand.

So I was feeling a little bit like a horrible mother, but all was not a surprise, because we know he is a reserved child.  The teacher also felt that he needed time to get used to school as opposed to nursery school.

Work is still crazy busy and in between working crazy hours and weekends I have been teaching Honeybear.  Not sure whether hubby is doing what we discussed and no time to find out.   Not happy with work situation, but let it go at that.  And then work situation became really bad.  I was shouted at in front of the entire office, as part of a huge ranting session at the whole office.  I ended up shouting back, at my boss, and we decided to take it out of the office and into his office.  I ended up in tears and left.  Unprofessional on both our parts but it was what it came down to.  Anyway, after I was less teary we spoke and apologized to each other and tried to explain the issues and resolve it.  I just gave up and accepted it, without feeling like it is resolved.  That ended up with the other director calling me to his office to speak to me, and I ended up crying again (so unprofessional).  He wanted to speak to me to tell me that there is no problem with my work and that they are actually happy with me, and the other director was out of line and took things too far.  Like parents, directors should not disagree in front of staff, but I appreciated the vote of confidence.

Anyway after that I felt pretty irritated, and I have been working to let it go.  It is not working.

Then evaluation with speech therapist and second meeting with teacher.  Honeybear is about one year behind…language difficulty.  A lot to do with the Afrikaans background (in terms of previous daycare).  So we have work ahead of us.  The teacher interview went better and there has been fast improvement and things going better in class.  This made me feel slightly better, that the home practice is really helping.  However, it means we have to spend time with our child helping him and my crazy working has got to stop.

With my current office, there is no end in sight for the crazy working hours.  I was sick and was asked to stay home by doctor.  I ended up working full days at home and going back to work before I was well.

With the time Honeybear needs, and the inflexibility of the office, this is not going to work.  There can be no competition between my work and child.  The office is only getting busier and with the ranting at me and the school problems, I am done with all this.

I cannot just up and leave my job, because even with all that has been going on, I do enjoy my work and I am good at what I do.  Also, we cannot have me without a salary.  For now I have done nothing.  I am not sure where I will find a more child friendly working environment, but I am optimistic our little family will get through my tough spot and all will be fine.

In perspective, my troubles are not that huge compared to millions out there. 

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18 responses »

  1. Good to see you are still around. Yep we do tend to judge ourselves harshly when something goes wrong in our children’s lives. Don’t beat yourself up like that, they all have some kind of wobble growing up – and more than one as well!

    Ohhh dear the work front – I don’t even know what to say to you. I’m now at the stage where I sit with my door closed at all times, because I just can’t face anybody anymore.

    • No doors here, we work in an open plan office. I am usually pretty good at putting things behind me, but this one is taking a while longer.
      It is encouraging to see, that HB is getting better.

  2. Hi stranger. Oh, sorry to hear HB hasn’t been doing well. It’s hard not to beat ourselves up about how our children are getting on, but I do know you are a fab Mum.
    Kids are like little sponges, HB will get there, they all do eventually
    Goodness, what a blow out at work, but it sounds like you have the support of the director. It’s hard not to get emotional.
    Gosh, big hugs to you. It’s tough when you’re in the moment but I know you’ll make it

  3. That is terrible! The work story. When I hear of stories like this, I am so greatful that I love my job, the environment at work and the people I work with. But my husband has major issues at work and I see the effect that it has on him at home…I cannot imagine how you go home with the baggage and still need to pay even more attention to your littley 😦 Things can only get better (I hope) and like you say, there are other problems in this world much bigger than yours. Sending hugs xxx

    • Yes it will all be fine, fake it til you make it works pretty good. Kids have a way of making you forget the day. I have a gorgeous child that makes me smile everyday.

  4. Ai working Mom gifts sucks so very much.
    Only advice I can give is use anytime you have be it in the car driving with Honeybee, washing dishes,suppertime are all great times to practice stuff…just get creative.I used to do this with all my kids…count street lights,tell me any letters on signs,number plates.All the things they need to know can be done anywhere doesn’t have to be sitting at a desk.
    Good luck and you know what they all survive and your concern is the biggest advantage he has as you are doing the best you can and not ignoring the situation

  5. Nyamazela – a xhosa word which means to preserver through a difficult situation, to ‘druk maar dear’ is all I can offer you. Difficult times, difficult situations. Hang in there.

  6. oh my word, I feel your (work) pain with the crying 😦 I had an episode like that and it was HORRIBLE)

    Love what the previous commenter said about using driving time with Honeybear. Great suggestion.

  7. Ah where did my comment go to? Trying again:

    Gosh that work situation is hell! I do not knwo if I will be able to deal with it but at least you have some great backing. It will be ok

    As to HB – he will be just fine. Give him time and the theraphy. You are being the best mom you can be right now and that will be good enough

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