Too Much.

This is the only place I can say it.  I am not handling it.  This whole working mother thing, with a kid in school.  When it is my turn to drop Honeybear at school, I  am late for work.  It takes a little longer than hour to do the twenty minute trip from school to office.  I am not finding a solution.  I just do not know what to do.

Work is crazy and we have been asked to “put in the extra effort.”  I am not sure how much more effort I have in me.  I cannot work after I leave the office.  I have a whole other life happening outside the office.  The office does not like my other life infringing on office time, and that works both ways.  The office has to respect the fact that my family deserves their time.

Is it different for men and women?  Hubby  is not going through this struggle at all.  He does not understand.  He knows that something is making me unhappy, and keeps coming home with chocolates, etc. to make me feel better.

To be very honest, I feel like hubby has not had to make any changes at all to his working or life.  I have had to negotiate my work hours in order to leave the office and get to the school.  Hubby just does the same work hours.  Hubby needs to work a Saturday, he just works a Saturday.  He needs to go in on Sunday morning, he just does it.  I agonize about taking time away from our family. I agonize about all the work that I have not done and just cannot do.

Then I end up getting snappy with a work colleague trying to micromanage me. It did not go well, and he is tiptoeing around me…which is not right.

I feel on edge all the time.  Will I get there on time.  Is there something else I can do? I just cannot find the answer.

In about three weeks there is half term holidays.  It is a Monday and a Friday but who is supposed to be available for Honeybear.  The holiday care starts at eight and closes at four.  There is no way those hours are workable in my life.  No way.  It is an hour too early both ways.

I have been pulling my hair out trying to find alternative solutions, but I can find nothing.  Nothing.  I can see nothing.  I get more and more stressed as the time approaches.

Yesterday I get told that work programmed for me, 30 days worth of documentation, needs to be done by Monday.  And I had already planned another project over the weekend.  It just cannot be done, no way.  I  am upset that they know exactly how much needs to be done, how many resources available, but just close their eyes and hope for the best.  The them is the directors.  I know they are under pressure, but just telling people to do stuff does not work.  We sit down and programme everyone at the beginning of every week. They are programmed with too much to do already, and then halfway through the week, it is thrown out the window.  I just do not need this stress in my life.

I am careful about making sure everything works in my life, and that I meet deadlines, but I know it is impossible to do this.  Even if I did not sleep for the next few days, there is no way it is going to happen.

I am going to just drop that ball and then deal with it afterwards.  It cannot happen.  It cannot work.

While I write this, I get another project, which needs to be done this afternoon.  Does not matter I need to go fetch my child from school.

It is just plain disrespect for the people we are.  


9 responses »

  1. Oh my goodness, things sound really hectic. I have no suggestions, but your blog has made me terribly grateful that I have an understanding boss. Perhaps it helps that DH and I work together and should one not be at work the other can cover for a few days. We also have the ability to work from home, obviously not everything can be done at home and if it does need to be done it happens after bedtime
    Your work sounds rather unreasonable and perhaps you can take this up with Management? The schools also seem to close rather early. Ours was open from 7am to 5.30pm, even now. Perhaps the schools can give you an extra half hour.
    If hubby has more flexible times perhaps he should start standing in when you have other obligations?
    Good luck, please stay strong

  2. Ai good luck with all of this.Trying to juggle being a working Mom with a school child is super tough.It takes a lot of team work and compromise from both you and Hubbie.Maybe you 2 should have a chat and try to figure it out so both of you can get your jobs done as well as spending quality family time together. I worked full time for any years when BB and MK were small and at school but Hubbie pulled his weight and helped me loads.But that being said I worked really close to both home and school so I could dash home at lunch time or pop in at creche if need be.It takes time to adjust so sending loads of love and hugs.

  3. Ahhh, I have so much to say but I’ll keep it short.

    1. Read my posts on I know how she does it – your two realities can exist side by side – mom and competent professional
    2. Tell your hubby this is the situation and what are WE going to do about it? Do you know men also get leave and so on? Sorry I mustn’t be naughty but we have been telling ourselves that we are the ones who must do everything. Why?
    3. What about splitting the shifts? So hubby takes Honeybear in the morning and you do the collections. That way if you need to work extra you go in early and do your thing every morning.

    My D works from home every Tuesday. That’s my LATE day. I work til I’m done. He is home and he is perfectly capable of putting toast in the toaster and making eggs for supper. Do you know my kids think it’s a TREAT to have toast for supper? (I can’t even!)

    It just takes a bit of reframing.

    My career is important to me and definitely the quality of work I put out, and it’s clear to D too.

    I will tell you this business of him cooking two nights a week took a good few weeks of hard negotiation but I’m shutting my mouth and letting whatever happen, happen. It’s for the greater good 🙂

    Email me further if you want to chat!

  4. Oh boy yes, I think we all struggle with this. And I also felt that I had to change everything – but talk to him, see what he can do . You may be amazed. I have no real advice but am thinking of you – and hang in there

  5. The constant struggle… I know it’s tough, I know it feels unworkable, but take some of the good advice above and use it. And be a little kind to yourself. You’re a good mom!

  6. Oh MC, being a working mom sucks so much and seems like it’s even worse for you with your employer being extremely hard on you. I have absolutely nothing that will make you feel better, just want to let you know I am thinking of you and praying for strength to see you through this difficult period in your life. Always remember you are an awesome mommy and you are doing the best you can do right now. Agree with Charliesbird here above, please be kind to yourself. xx

  7. Have you had the discussion with your directors at work or the people who are setting up the work? Setting people up for failure is just silly in my opinion but if it hasn’t been discussed, then perhaps raise it. Also, are you the only one in the team battling and is it mainly ‘cos you’re trying to split the work and home or if it genuinely work? I keep work and home very separate, it’s a rule. I leave at 4 on the dot, I don’t take work home and I set realistic deadlines…not to say that you don’t! but it IS tough being a mum and having a full day job. And on a lighter note, are you sure we’re not married to the same man, hahahaha. Same happening on this side!!! But I think that Marcia has a point…sometimes we put this on ourselves too…they’re quite capable but like we were discussing in comments on your last post, they can’t always smell it. Maybe you need to try and get him more involved but you actually need to sit and organise accordingly.

  8. Ah I am so sorry about this juggling act. Things are working well for me being a teacher but I have no idea how it will work when Nicky has to go to Primary school. And oh by the way I have to work holidays.
    I can so relate to what you said about hubby’s life hasn’t changed. Hubby has slept most of today while I have been on my feet making food and looking after Nicky!

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