How not to scar kids?


It has been one busy day after another.  Finally had a sit down with both the directors about workload…and nothing can be done really.  Everyone has too much to do and I actually am not sure when there will be more staff.  At least I feel better about discussing the workload with them.  And a good thing came out of it all…they have agreed to adjust my woring hours next year.  This is such a huge relief for me.

Leaving the office a whole 30 minutes earlier will mean we can get Honeybear into the great school we looked at a while ago.  I can fetch him.  So I now need to get my act in gear and pay all the fees etc that I need to for the school.  Since he is young, there is no assessments at this stage, parents just have to be able to pay the fees.  Also, once he is in, he is in.  This school goes all the way up to Grade 12, so I feel like we will be OK.

Hubby and I have been a little unhappy with each other.  I feel he is always at work, and even when he is at home, he is on the phone sorting out work stuff.  I know he has lots to do, and I know there are work pressures, but I know so well, because I have it too. Unfairly maybe, but I feel there should be no competition to family.  If I have to walk out the office door at five, so can hubby.  I said to him last night (maybe said not so nicely) that there seems to be different expectations for me and for him.  I have to be the one to fill in all the gaps when his work takes over, but there is no such give from his side.  I must be the one to leave on time, and I must be the one to organize home, and dinner and Honeybear’s activities.  I want to be there for my child, and I want a nice clean house and a home cooked meal, so I make an effort, and I guess I am feeling like he is not making any efforts anymore, it is expected I must make a plan.

I know he cares, but I do think he needs to get his work into perspective.  Work is important, but so is family and I want him to understand where I am coming from.  I guess it does not help the situation if I say it to him in  a rant.

After you have a child having an argument with your spouse is really difficult. What on earth do you do?  How does one successfully solve your issues, in a calm, non-angry way, without your child hearing?  I am a believer in just talking about everything and getting it sorted out.  While we both do not believe in shouting and rarely do, we do get angry.  I hate for Honeybear to see or hear, and I just do not know what the right way to do it is. We certainly;y do not want to damage the child. It would be better if we are always sweet and not disagreeing, but it does happen, and I guess we are struggling with the best way to deal with it with Honeybear around.

Swimming for Honeybear is going great now.  He suddenly just started doing all the things that the instructor has been trying to teach him.  She did say it just happens one day, and it is the way with kids, but I did not really believe her.  So we have our swimming break through and he will move to the next class in three months.

We were visiting a friend during the weekend, and I was so proud of my child.  The teaching is paying off, and he was such a polite and well mannered child.  The contrast between my friends kid and Honeybear was pretty obvious.  While I am currently being a monster mom, by criticizing her child right now.  She also did comment on it and I would like to think Honeybear is setting a good example to be followed.

She also has a little baby ans while I played with the little one and I was happy to rock her and hold her, I am not broody in the least.  Honeybear will grow up without a sibling for right now, but I am sure he is going to turn out just fine.

My littlest sister is also grown up now.  She and her hubby moved into their very own house over the weekend.  It is amazing how people grow and change and just are able to do everything they need to do.

Back to the grindstone.  Have a great week bloggies!


20 responses »

  1. I SO feel you on the fairness on the homefront. Same issue on our side! And while I do believe in the wife making the home and that there are just some things that I still like to do that are quite traditional (cooking, putting the kids to sleep etc), I do feel like my husband just walks in the door from work (at 7pm I’ll have you know once I’ve fed and bathed BOTH kids), gives the kids a few cuddles then watches tv all night. He even gets dinner served to him. I’m generally quite happy to play my “role” but it does get too much at times.

    • You are way better than I am. I serve no one dinner. Lol. I think if we play the role too much then it becomes the expected thing, and then we are asked why we complain.

  2. Yay for getting work hours sorted so you can get into your school of choice. Hope things run smoothly with the change.
    I hear you on arguing. DH and I seem to argue alot, especially since Liam was born, mainly about disciplinary issues. He disciplines, me not so much. Fortunately neither of us hold grudges and once we’ve had our say it’s over. Although we have our say with sarcastic, snide remarks which is probably not best.
    I think that is just the life of a Mum really. Aren’t we all the same. I mean I leave early to take Liam to swimming and I’m sure it will be the same in big school. I would also like to cut down my hours so that I can attend Liams sporting events.
    Excellent news on the swimming, yippee
    Oh, the only child thing………..leave it at that. One is enough I say. RESPECT for those with more but I don’t think I could handle another one.
    Hugs MC

    • Hi Helen, I have accepted the role of mother is different than the other parent, but sometimes I just want a break from it, and I do not want it expected from me. I am being a little unfair on hubby, because he does try if I ask.
      The work hours is quite the relief for me. We fight about stupid things that are not worth fighting about. So we should just stop.

  3. I’ve also struggled with dealing with me and hubby’s arguments lately, because Mia pipes up each time, “oh no you guys, don’t fight AGAIN” making it sound as though that’s all we do. We’ve decided to do our best to resolve issues when kids are asleep, but I often like to talk things out as they happen… So still not sure how we’ll manage it, hopefully there just aren’t many arguments!

    So nice when one’s child is well-mannered, I also love that.
    Yay that swimming is going well!
    That’s cool that you can confidently say you’re not broody. Nothing wrong with having an only child!

    • I know, I too am a a talker and prefer to just get things sorted out and move on. Honeybear has not quite twigged about us arguing, but I want to control it before he does, and it upsets him. Hopefully we get along better soon. 🙂

  4. Hope things get sorted with work, sounds hectic! But I’m glad things are good for next year. I argue with hubby a lot but for me it’s normal, as long as it doesn’t get really bad. I do most of the childcare but then again I am a stay at home mom, I can’t complain… Not sure about having another child myself but I want to, let’s just see what happens…

  5. What I do know, is that children are resilient, and that they can cope with seeing us disagree. In fact, I think it is quite important for them to see that occasionally mom and dad disagree/have an argument, and that that is ok; they get to see us resolve those issues too, and it helps them learn how to cope with conflict. Yes, shelter them if the fighting is ‘dirty’, but a little bit of disagreement is ok.
    Life certainly throws us curve balls, but yay on the school and the swimming and the manners – mine is all about forgetting hers at the moment!

    • I know that the manners are not forever. It was just rewarding to see that the teaching is getting through somewhere in that head of his. I just hope he remembers them.
      You are right about teaching them to deal with conflict.

  6. I agree with Birdie – kids need to learn how to deal with conflict and we are their first role models. We have really grown so much in dealing with our conflicts since we had Zoe. Before her we had screaming matches, throwing plates and not talking to each other for weeks fights. Now we say what we have to say, sort it out and move on.

    AND we allow Zoe to hear and have her say as well – but she is a bit older than HB. Just to show her that she is part of the process…

  7. We go for breakfast once a month and talk over everything that is bothering us.And its in a public place with no kids it’s productive and things get sorted out quickly.
    Shorter work hours will make a big difference for all of you.
    Can’t comment on the home role as we are both at home all the time as we work from home guess it’s different for us.

  8. Wonderful that your working hours will be adjusted and that Honeybear is going to a new, fantastic school. It must be a relief to know that school is now sorted 🙂

  9. Am so glad you’ve managed to sort something out with your hours 🙂

    Agree with Birdie as well … learning how to cope with conflict is a very important skill that we need to teach our kids. Also I think it’s quite important for them to learn that even people that love each other have arguments and disagreements and it doesn’t mean that you don’t love each other!

  10. I think there is nothing wrong with arguing in front of your child (without shouting). It is important for kids to see how to appropriately deal with conflict. I also feel that it gives them a sense of security to see that even though Mommy and Daddy disagree they still love each other. You’re doing a great job Momma!

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