Oh my…my whole stable life seems to be collapsing and I just do not know how it is happening and what I need to do to save it. I am just a few steps away from being fired.
It has taken me a while to get my head around this and understand what it is happening. I still am not sure why. This morning I was told that they cannot really fire me, so I must think about a way in which we can resolve this situation…because I said I would not resign. I cannot believe I went from having a happy job where everyone was happy to please leave. I cannot understand this. I do not know why it is happening. I have mentioned before I am a little confused about my job description and I am not sure what to do. I get asked to work on something then it gets taken away and it is not my responsibility anymore…then when there are problems it is my fault. Why was I not doing the work…work you specifically asked me not to do. I almost feel setup to be honest.
This morning I made a suggestion about contract law and I had my head bitten off. It was like I was talking nonsense and making up stories and how dare I mention I know more about contract law then a magistrate. I was flabbergasted. I had to study and pass contract law as it pertains to the building industry…a huge part of my work is contract administration (well used to, not anymore). To be honest, that is my strongest skill, administering a contract and ensuring everything runs smoothly on site. I run my own meetings and I am used to running multi-million rand commercial projects. To now be told I know nothing when it comes to a tiny little project of three units really kicks me in the teeth.
I am really sad that this all happened and I do not know why or how.
I assume the company’s financial needs may have something to do with it. However, I cannot help but feel like a failure as a person. The work I do is a huge part of my life. At ten I knew what I wanted to do and I worked towards it. I do not do this job just to earn a salary…it is my passion and my dream. I have always loved my work…yes there are down periods, but I could even live with those happily.
I need to go finish getting my head around this.
On the marriage front, things are not quite resolved yet. We still need to work on managing hubby’s long hours, but in the light of me not having any salary in the first place, I guess we have just left it alone for now.