All I see is dirty dishes

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I think my other ear is now also infected…is that actual possible after 5 days of antibiotics and throat sprays and nasal sprays and ear drops? My sinuses are still completely doing their own thing, and at this point I have given up. I have just learned to live with it, well not completely. I have been cranky.

Hubby and I had a huge fight yesterday, we did sort of makeup, but it is that uneasy sort of peace. I know I am being inflexible but I do not want to bend anymore. I want him to do it my way.

Hubby works really long hours and we do not see as much of him as I would like. I have accepted he must work those hours, but I also made it clear I cannot find it in me to accept any extra hours over and above that. We have had this fight numerous times before.

Last week he drops on me that he must work two weekends in a row. OK…I am not happy, but he says he has two off weekends in row after to make up for it. OK…I do not like it and it will be hard to get through it, but at least we have something to look forward to.

Yesterday he drops on me he has to work late all of this week. That means Honeybear will not see him until next Tuesday. If I happen to fall asleep early, I too will not see him. I lost it then. I am ashamed to say I stopped listening to him and I am still not prepared to listen to any excuses or explanations. In my world there is no reason good enough that he would say yes to those hours. I feel like he should have made up some story if he had to about why he could not work those hours, or at least just be honest about our family time and his inflexible wife.

I feel like a married single mother. I know single parents are going to tell me how easy I have it because I have a partner to rely on, but that is exactly what the problem is.

I feel like I should be able to rely on him, but he is not there. I cannot rely on him, and every minute I ask of him is a fight. It is like sitting down only to find someone has moved the chair. I know he is tired and stressed and me being the way I am is being non-supportive. He probably needs a loving wife who will smile and accept it and just be there to make coffee and listen to him. I am not that wife. I do not want to compromise anymore.

Anyway he spoke to his manager this morning about the hours. I guess this week is fine and that manager will fill in the extra hours, but Hubby says we need to have a long chat and I know exactly what it is going to be….I must accept those hours and the fact they can be heaped on at any time and that leave is a loose term. If I do not accept it, then Hubby will be fired.

I appreciate the position Hubby is in. He has to choose between work and family, and it is not as if we have the luxury of him just giving up his job and sit without a salary. I would still choose family…in fact I did just that. I gave up a job that I was settled in and where I could have moved up just so I could have more time with my family. It can be done.

I hate fighting with my husband and I know anyone would tell me I must just give up and accept it…I am not of the accepting nature. I know that so I try very hard to see the other side…I cannot and do not want to give in. I need to get past all the anger and hurt and resentment and then I can give him what he wants…right now I want him to give me what I want…I want a husband, not someone who just comes by for a bed to sleep in and the only time I know he is home is because there are dirty dishes in the sink.

He is not a bad man and I am not a bad woman…we are just having a crap day because we love each other and today we do not know how to do it properly.

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10 responses »

  1. OH no man, this is so sad. It makes me really greatful that DH works a normal day. We are so lucky that we have each other to “bounce Liam” off so that one can occupy him while the other gets something done.
    I have no advise. I wouldn’t be very understanding either. These work / home issues leave a bad taste in your mouth. What does hubby do that he works such awful hours?
    And at the end of the day you will start feeling resentful because you are doing everything yourself.
    Hugs MC, I’m sorry I can’t offer any help.

    • Thanks Helen…he is a manager at the largest supermarket retailer…which sounds brilliant but retail is a 24/7 industry. So he even gets called at 2am if it his night on call. The one and only day they ever close shop is Christmas day. I know all of this so it is not a surprise, I just feel I little pushed at the moment.
      I know in my head I must be more understanding…but right now I want to throw a tantrum and stamp my feet and then I will be nice and understanding…LOL…I think I feel like a three year old. Hubby needs to turn up with my chocolate bribe and I will stop crying and screaming 🙂

      • It must be so hard though, like you say, feeling like a single parent. I don’t know how they do it. Life is hard enough as it is.
        Sometimes it’s good to go off and have a good old scream and cry about the things we can’t change
        Hugs MC. Sending you virtual choccies and flowers 🙂

  2. Please try the coconut oil pulling for you sinus. I used to be on antibiotics for sinus all the time, since I’ve started to pull the oil, I don’t have a problem with sinus at all.

    Ohhh MamaCat – I feel your pain in regards to Hubby. Hubby was in a high pressured job when Zoe was small and when he was at home he was so tired that he didn’t do anything anyway. Byt vas girl and a big hug.

  3. Physio and especially dry needling works really well for sinus. Gosh, I feel sorry for you – sick and with a working all the time hubby. The crappy part possibly is that he does not have much choice in the issue either

  4. Sorry MC! 😦 No idea how you manage it all on your own … I too would be very unhappy and upset at that kind of situation.
    Hope you and hubby make peace properly … and that you feel better soon!!!
    HUGS!

  5. I feel sorry for both of you – hubby because he is clearly between a rock and hard place, and you, who is living with the consequences of his stressors… Hang in there…

  6. I know all about being a single married mother. It is a very difficult thing, but I promise you if you guys stick together, you can do it! How much visibility does he have on his work schedule? Can you plan for the month? Like work around it so that you maximise the time he has off? I found that we had to make a schedule and actively put in family time, date night, etc in order to make it work. All the best! xxx

  7. Retail SUCKS but someone has to do it :(( I do not envy you. David and I also have arguments when he has to work late (often for things like client dinners/golf days).

    It is very draining having to cope with a child on your own.

    I hope you guys manage to come to a compromise asap!

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