Working mother guilt

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Work has been completely crazy. I am so tired of all the late nights, but I have to do what I think I need to do. Honeybear is turning into a complete brat as a result of my neglect. Yesterday morning it was a fight about everything. EVERYTHING! I was actually relieved to drop him off at school and drive away. Then yesterday evening was a repeat of it all. Lucky Hubby was home at a decent hour and showered with my little monster. He screamed in his bed, I mean our bed, and I was too tired to bother. I ended up sleeping in Honeybear’s room.
We left him to fuss and scream until he fell asleep.
This morning looked like it might be a repeat, but Hubby was there to help this morning, so as soon as Honeybear was dressed and settled with a sandwich, I left for work.
This afternoon I have more work to keep me occupied, so I am hoping I do not have a monster on my hands again. I know he wants more of my attention. Hubby is home late today which means the two of us have to solve all our issues by ourselves.
I have tried to break up the work: I work from 17h00 until 18h30. Honeybear gets to watch a movie while I do this, and we both sit together. Then I spend an hour with Honeybear and put him to bed. I can then work until I am too tired. I thought this was a good plan, but Honeybear is not happy. He does bother me much while I work, but the impossible behaviour seems to tell a different story.
I just do not want to fight with him anymore. The other morning I just went out onto the patio and closed the door. I left my little child to scream his frustration by himself. I know it is bad, but I needed a time to myself so I did not lose control of the situation. I do not like to shout, but I find myself doing it more and more.
I try to let things go, but there are certain non-negotiables. I will let dinner go, I will let cookies go, I will let throwing toys all over go. I will survive a tantruming shopping trip and still buy rainbow cookies. Personal hygiene and bedtime being two things I will not negotiate about.
I am strict about bathing and brushing teeth and bedtime. I need bedtime for my sanity.
I know I may appear as selfish mother, however, I do know my limits. I know when I need to get out and breathe.

On the eating front: The LCHF thing fell apart slightly, though I did not slide too badly, but peas have made it back into my eating…now I have to wean myself off it again. I have an unbelievable love for peas and mealies. However, I did weigh myself. I have apparently lost 11kgs. I actually honestly believe the scale is wrong. I know I must have lost some weight, but not that much. If I was more concerned about what I weigh I would bother to get a more accurate reading.

On the weekend we were at the local dam taking a walk. Honeybear loves to throw stones into the water so we took him to do that. While there we snapped a few photos…I was happily surprised to find I actually liked the photos of me. I remember hating the family photo we had to do for the school earlier this year and the ones taken of me at a kiddies party. I felt I looked huge and unattractive. This weekend I was happy. I can see the difference in me in that I am not so large…and this is a way of eating I know I can sustain. I am hoping the exercise gets easier.
Talking of photos, I saw a picture of a friend who had a baby about a year ago. I saw two photos…the first one she looked so tired and then when I saw her not too long ago, she looked even worse. We all know what it is like that first year and working on top of it all. I felt bad for her. The other day I saw another photo of her…gorgeous! She looked so extremely beautiful…like one of those Moms you see on the cover of a magazine. Wow is all I can say. I need to find out her secret! She is beautiful anyway, but this is one of those photos that make you stop and stare…and I know there is no Photoshopping or airbrushing involved.

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14 responses »

  1. OH man, sounds like things are really rough at the moment. I can only give you a HUGE hug and hope that things will get better.
    I’m trying to get Liam to understand that as soon as he stops listening to me I start shouting and that if we listen to each other, things happen quickly and smoothly and no one shouts, no one cries and no one gets a bum smack (yes, I am known to give a smack when needed)
    I think Liam has only ever missed 3 evening baths since he was born and that ‘s because he was surely in hospital. I insist on having a bath every night. Still sticking to the “calming, soothing” effect it has on babies to ensure a peaceful sleep.
    Ooooh, 11 kgs. I’m not keen on peas, unless they are mixed with something. Mealies I’ll do
    You know, I’ve never been one of those tired mums, but I don’t think it’s because I’m a super mom or anything. Contrary to some of my blogs, I think I’ve just been blessed with an incredibly easy going child
    Have a happy day

    • Thanks Helen…I think it is partly my own guilt that makes me feel bad.
      I am so close to giving in and smacking….which is why I just leave him…I am not sure which is worse, smacking or leaving him alone to cry for a bit.
      Lol, with our fights to get into the bath, I do not think they are serving much of a calming purpose. I know if I offer to let him shower with me, it would be easier, but I sometimes just want to shower alone, and not freeze while I dry him off.
      I love love love peas and could eat it everyday in everything I cook.
      You should definitely count yourself lucky with Liam…I know I have a difficult one. I would not change him ever.

      • LOL, yes, a fight to get them in the bath and a fight to get them out. I let Liam pick a toy to go for a bath, other than the normal bath toys. Last night is was game chips and the night before it was his plastic trains, anything other than a bath toy. I also find that if I make a game of it, like “lets see who can get in the bath first” kind of things it works like a bomb.
        DH just has to go to the kitchen in the direction of a wooden spoon and Liam makes a run for it. Not that he has ever been smack with it, but he obviously knows its “power”, haha
        DH says his younger sister didn’t eat peas when they were little because they made her back sore, LOL, whatever, any excuse not to eat your veggies hey.

  2. Oh I feel for you – it is exhausting trying to work while they act up. To be honest, I just gave up on it. Spent time with them, made bedtime a bit earlier and then worked . I simply could do it no other way. 7 is not to early for bed?

    Another thing though – screen time can cause tantrums. Just believe me on that one and think it through. We all think they like tv, and they do, but sometimes it makes them really miserable. We do very little screen time – often none in the week or as a total out of the ordinary. Give it a shot to rather give him something to play with or something else and see if that works . Who knows? Worth the try?

    • I have taken your advice on the TV and I have stopped the TV for now. SO far we have had no improvement, but I will persevere.
      We tried pushing out the bedtime, but anything past 8pm and he is upset, crabby, and falling sleep in his toys or the couch.

  3. Its tough being a working mom… Jessica also knows when to push buttons and want attention, especially if I have to do some work at home. I tend to leave the work until she’s in the bath and Hubby keeps an eye, or after bedtime, depending on how urgent it is. If it has to be done NOW, then I let her sit on my lap and watch me type – although she ends up pressing buttons etc its easier than her balling her eyes out or tantrum-ing. Also promises to watch photo’s on the PC when Im done sometimes work!
    Its hard keeping control over every situation… somedays we all lose it, and we end up screaming and shouting like wild banshees’… Jessica went thru a few months of testing me especially in the mornings, to the extent that I cry all the way to work, because Im a horrible Mom screaming at my child and fighting. We’ve worked past that, mornings are getting easier, still late, but not as draining!

    Keep the faith – things will get better and easier!!

    Good on you for the 11kgs /any weight loss! Im still trying… hate seeing pics of myself lately – Im just so BIG! Trying to shift the kgs – but not the easiest thing to do! Im just procrastinating, its too cold, Im too tired, always finding something else to do… haha 🙂

    (Lol @ Helen’s SIL not wanting to eat peas because it made her back sore! )

    • I hate myself when I scream…I feel like I am damaging my little child.
      I had all the excuses too, about the weight thing, but one day I decided to take time for me and make me feel better about me.

  4. Well done on your weightloss!

    Don’t feel guilty – I think we all have those days. The retrenchment situation is bearing so hard on me at the moment – I had a screaming fit last night that included Hubby and Zoe – I was actually hoarse after it was over. Still not feeling calm – Hubby says I’m as mad as a treesnake – however he doesn’t use the word mad but one that starts with a F! 🙂

  5. I feel your pain! After T’s tantrum last weekend (which lasted 4 hours!), I am so scared she does that again, and I loose control again! Fortunately, like you, I left the house, calmed down, while husbuddy made peace at home. It’s flipping hard this parenting thing – our children didn’t come with a manual or read that book that tries to tell you how to tame them…
    Well done on those 11kg’s! That’s incredible! Yes, it is a sustainable life style, and I reckon, if you’ve lost that much – peas occasionally aren’t going to hurt!

  6. HUGE hugs MC!! I do hope things settle down for you.
    Kiddies do seem to know exactly when pushing our buttons will really get a reaction. Don’t feel bad … I’ve done the same in the past. Walked away and let them scream til they tire themselves out or til they realise that the screaming is being ignored and calmed down.

    Sjoe on the 11kgs!!! Well done!!
    I really really hate peas!! 🙂

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