Work has been completely crazy. I am so tired of all the late nights, but I have to do what I think I need to do. Honeybear is turning into a complete brat as a result of my neglect. Yesterday morning it was a fight about everything. EVERYTHING! I was actually relieved to drop him off at school and drive away. Then yesterday evening was a repeat of it all. Lucky Hubby was home at a decent hour and showered with my little monster. He screamed in his bed, I mean our bed, and I was too tired to bother. I ended up sleeping in Honeybear’s room.
We left him to fuss and scream until he fell asleep.
This morning looked like it might be a repeat, but Hubby was there to help this morning, so as soon as Honeybear was dressed and settled with a sandwich, I left for work.
This afternoon I have more work to keep me occupied, so I am hoping I do not have a monster on my hands again. I know he wants more of my attention. Hubby is home late today which means the two of us have to solve all our issues by ourselves.
I have tried to break up the work: I work from 17h00 until 18h30. Honeybear gets to watch a movie while I do this, and we both sit together. Then I spend an hour with Honeybear and put him to bed. I can then work until I am too tired. I thought this was a good plan, but Honeybear is not happy. He does bother me much while I work, but the impossible behaviour seems to tell a different story.
I just do not want to fight with him anymore. The other morning I just went out onto the patio and closed the door. I left my little child to scream his frustration by himself. I know it is bad, but I needed a time to myself so I did not lose control of the situation. I do not like to shout, but I find myself doing it more and more.
I try to let things go, but there are certain non-negotiables. I will let dinner go, I will let cookies go, I will let throwing toys all over go. I will survive a tantruming shopping trip and still buy rainbow cookies. Personal hygiene and bedtime being two things I will not negotiate about.
I am strict about bathing and brushing teeth and bedtime. I need bedtime for my sanity.
I know I may appear as selfish mother, however, I do know my limits. I know when I need to get out and breathe.
On the eating front: The LCHF thing fell apart slightly, though I did not slide too badly, but peas have made it back into my eating…now I have to wean myself off it again. I have an unbelievable love for peas and mealies. However, I did weigh myself. I have apparently lost 11kgs. I actually honestly believe the scale is wrong. I know I must have lost some weight, but not that much. If I was more concerned about what I weigh I would bother to get a more accurate reading.
On the weekend we were at the local dam taking a walk. Honeybear loves to throw stones into the water so we took him to do that. While there we snapped a few photos…I was happily surprised to find I actually liked the photos of me. I remember hating the family photo we had to do for the school earlier this year and the ones taken of me at a kiddies party. I felt I looked huge and unattractive. This weekend I was happy. I can see the difference in me in that I am not so large…and this is a way of eating I know I can sustain. I am hoping the exercise gets easier.
Talking of photos, I saw a picture of a friend who had a baby about a year ago. I saw two photos…the first one she looked so tired and then when I saw her not too long ago, she looked even worse. We all know what it is like that first year and working on top of it all. I felt bad for her. The other day I saw another photo of her…gorgeous! She looked so extremely beautiful…like one of those Moms you see on the cover of a magazine. Wow is all I can say. I need to find out her secret! She is beautiful anyway, but this is one of those photos that make you stop and stare…and I know there is no Photoshopping or airbrushing involved.