What a busy weekend! Hubby and I had a lunch date on Friday afternoon and it was weird to have lunch alone with hubby, we never do it anymore. It was nice to hold hands (without a little one inbetween) and to talk and have an adult conversation. We could order drinks in glass and we could use the cutlery (we have to put the cutlery away from Honeybear normally). We were able to choose a table and chair instead of a booth. It is so different eating out without a child, though we did miss him.
I then had to have a quick re-test of my eyes and then I was off to a late afternoon meeting. The meeting went off very well and when I arrived home, I found a hubby with an upset tummy. He must have something icky to eat. We managed to sort it out that evening (I have my remedies, and even if hubby was sceptical, it worked).
We had a movie night after Honeybear was in bed.
Saturday we had to be out and about to get errands done, and only arrived home at 4pm. Quick dinner and then we tried Sharon’s bath paint idea. Honeybear loved it. I used a muffin pan to mix up the colours and left him in the bath with it. He had so much fun! We sprayed him down with the hand shower and then gave him a bath. I thought he might be stained, but it all washed out.
Sunday hubby was test baking his bread. I stayed out of the kitchen, because it looked like a horrible mess. I came in to make lunch and I held my tongue because he did say he would clean up, which he did.
During the weekend we moved our bed up against the one bedroom wall so Honeybear can sleep there and hubby and I can still cuddle.
Honeybear spent half the night in his room last night and then I heard him quietly crying. I went into his room and he came to me and cuddled. He went to lie down on his pillow and he quietly cried and said he wanted to sleep in Mama’s bed. It was so sad and sorrowful that I did not have the heart to leave him alone in his room. Hubby says I am too soft and that I give into that cry every time. My baby was sad and he wanted to sleep with us so what? Hubby loves to have a cuddle with that little body too, so he must be the last one to complain.
I love the school holidays, because we can sleep later and there is no traffic.
I arrived at work later than I normally get there, because we had a lie in, so my parking space was taken. I parked outside the gate. Not even two hours and my car was bumped by a truck. It is not serious, but I have to do the whole rigmarole of police and insurance. I think I must just suck it up an get the whole car re-sprayed. I just fear to think how long this will all take! I am not looking forward to it, and then I know the insurance is going to want to write the car off, like the last time. As old as the car is, there is nothing wrong mechanically. I like the car, and I was lucky to get a second hand car that was so well taken care of.
I was cleaning out Honeybear’s room while hubby was busy with baking. Hubby came to help me…we had a huge packet of maternity clothes that we had to decide about. So with me sitting on the ladder, and hubby standing there we had our discussion about a second child. Hubby has always said he wants another child, it is me that had been saying no. Yesterday he confirmed he would like another child.
I feel broody and against everything my head says, a part of me really wants to have another child. However, the fear in me is stronger than the want. I am too afraid of all the may bes and what ifs. I am not sure I have it in me to breastfeed again. I am not sure I want to do the nappy thing again (we have only just had Honeybear off nappies for a short while). I am not sure I could deal with two children. I am afraid I will lose my sanity with two kids. I am afraid I might have to give up my career completely. I am afraid that hubby and I will never have sex or time to ourselves if we throw another child into the mix. I am afraid the economy will fall apart and we will not be able to provide for two children. I am afraid Honeybear will be pushed aside.
I missed a pill a few weeks ago…we had the two week wait…when my period arrived, I was sad, very sad.
Do I have it in me to love to children?