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What a busy weekend! Hubby and I had a lunch date on Friday afternoon and it was weird to have lunch alone with hubby, we never do it anymore. It was nice to hold hands (without a little one inbetween) and to talk and have an adult conversation. We could order drinks in glass and we could use the cutlery (we have to put the cutlery away from Honeybear normally). We were able to choose a table and chair instead of a booth. It is so different eating out without a child, though we did miss him.

I then had to have a quick re-test of my eyes and then I was off to a late afternoon meeting. The meeting went off very well and when I arrived home, I found a hubby with an upset tummy. He must have something icky to eat. We managed to sort it out that evening (I have my remedies, and even if hubby was sceptical, it worked).

We had a movie night after Honeybear was in bed.

Saturday we had to be out and about to get errands done, and only arrived home at 4pm. Quick dinner and then we tried Sharon’s bath paint idea. Honeybear loved it. I used a muffin pan to mix up the colours and left him in the bath with it. He had so much fun! We sprayed him down with the hand shower and then gave him a bath. I thought he might be stained, but it all washed out.

Sunday hubby was test baking his bread. I stayed out of the kitchen, because it looked like a horrible mess. I came in to make lunch and I held my tongue because he did say he would clean up, which he did.

During the weekend we moved our bed up against the one bedroom wall so Honeybear can sleep there and hubby and I can still cuddle.

Honeybear spent half the night in his room last night and then I heard him quietly crying. I went into his room and he came to me and cuddled. He went to lie down on his pillow and he quietly cried and said he wanted to sleep in Mama’s bed. It was so sad and sorrowful that I did not have the heart to leave him alone in his room. Hubby says I am too soft and that I give into that cry every time. My baby was sad and he wanted to sleep with us so what? Hubby loves to have a cuddle with that little body too, so he must be the last one to complain.

I love the school holidays, because we can sleep later and there is no traffic.

I arrived at work later than I normally get there, because we had a lie in, so my parking space was taken. I parked outside the gate. Not even two hours and my car was bumped by a truck. It is not serious, but I have to do the whole rigmarole of police and insurance. I think I must just suck it up an get the whole car re-sprayed. I just fear to think how long this will all take! I am not looking forward to it, and then I know the insurance is going to want to write the car off, like the last time. As old as the car is, there is nothing wrong mechanically. I like the car, and I was lucky to get a second hand car that was so well taken care of.

I was cleaning out Honeybear’s room while hubby was busy with baking. Hubby came to help me…we had a huge packet of maternity clothes that we had to decide about. So with me sitting on the ladder, and hubby standing there we had our discussion about a second child. Hubby has always said he wants another child, it is me that had been saying no. Yesterday he confirmed he would like another child.

I feel broody and against everything my head says, a part of me really wants to have another child. However, the fear in me is stronger than the want. I am too afraid of all the may bes and what ifs. I am not sure I have it in me to breastfeed again. I am not sure I want to do the nappy thing again (we have only just had Honeybear off nappies for a short while). I am not sure I could deal with two children. I am afraid I will lose my sanity with two kids. I am afraid I might have to give up my career completely. I am afraid that hubby and I will never have sex or time to ourselves if we throw another child into the mix. I am afraid the economy will fall apart and we will not be able to provide for two children. I am afraid Honeybear will be pushed aside.

I missed a pill a few weeks ago…we had the two week wait…when my period arrived, I was sad, very sad.

Do I have it in me to love to children?

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11 responses »

  1. It is strange eating out with the little ones hey, haha. Strangely enough, the last time we ate out without Liam I also came home with a tummy bug that lasted 5 days. Karma?
    I’ve eventually stopped Liam falling asleep in our bed. Now I lie with him in his until he falls asleep. Ag you know, you find what works for you.
    I can practically smell that baking bread……..sniffffffffffffff
    Pfft on your car, how rude was that. Yes, our old “bangers” are worth more to us than anyone else.
    I hear you on the 2nd child thing. Fortunately DH and I are on the same page there. It’s passed discussion. I’m too old and it’s not worth the risk.

    • I would hate to think we are not allowed to go out alone (though I did feel guilty and I missed the little one).
      I just cannot stand strong in the face of that quiet little cry and asking to sleep in our bed seems like such a small request, I cannot say no.
      The bread was lovely, whit chocolate and cinnamon.
      We still have a few more years before we are too old, so I am guessing I will agonise over this a few more times (or there may an announcement)

    • I am waiting to hear if you will have some news for us soon ( the fluffy bumpy type)
      I hate cars right now. Now I found out someone who parked next to me at the mall just scrapped along my back and fender and drove of. All white cars beware…you cannot hide the bright blue paint you scrapped off my car!

      • Had to LOL at your warning to white cars. My car is white with lovely red scrapings left behind. I can’t wait to get her back later this week, with a brand new bumper. I’ll have to get a new license plate because that’s scuffed

  2. Glad hubby’s tummy thing didn’t last too long.

    Sorry about the car … what a pain!! Hope it gets sorted quickly …

    I think all your concerns are very normal. I worried about all those things when I had only Munchkin too. And when I actually got preggers with SWeetpea I use to cry sometimes, thinking about how I would have to take something away from Munchkin to give to SWeetpea … wondering if I was ruining Munchkin’s life forever by making her share us …
    But that’s not how it works. Love is not finite … you don’t have to take love away from one to give to another. Your capacity to love just grows … it’s amazing. It simply isn’t true that people with one child love that one child more than people with more!! Really ….
    And seeing my kids now … yes they fight and bicker … but they also have so much fun together … they miss each other when they are apart … they love each other! They will forever have each other with whom to face the trials of their lives one day …

    Anyway … it’s such a personal decision … whichever one you make will be the right one for you and your family 🙂 For us … even though I had more than one panic attack about how we were going to manage … we cannot imagine our lives without any of our kids 🙂

    PS. Hubby and I still have time for sexy times 😉 … we make time for it … and for each other … it’s absolutely doable 🙂

    PPS. Sorry for the mini blog response 🙂

    • Thanks Nusha, I appreciate the time to reply in a mini-blog.
      As I said to Robyn, I do not think I am there yet with another child. I grew up as one of 4 so I know what it is like to have a big family, but I also know life was not easy for my parents. I never felt unloved or hard done by.
      When deciding to have a child in the first instance, it was much thought out and planned and agonised over….I think I am back in the same place again.

  3. I am so for having more than one – being an only child myself. It is not nice to be an only child – not when you are small and even less so when you are grown up and your parents get older and you are the only one around. Plus no siblings to share memories with.

    Amazingly too first children get less demanding when a second arrives (trust me on this) and they become each others friends – you do not need to be their friends and play with them all the time

  4. Yes you have it in you to love two children – I bet it would come naturally to love all your children equally – no matter if it is one, two or six! I promise you I had all those fears you had about having another child, especially the one about able to handle two children, and hence there is an almost 4 year gap between my two. BUT that being said – one thing that stands head and shoulders above all the pros and cons is Jamie’s love for his little sister, the automatic bond – I think it is the best gift you can give a child – a sibling, Good luck with your decision!

    Oooh nice, glad you had a nice lunch date with hubby. Johnathan and I do the same at least every few months. We take a day off work specially for it, while Jamie is in daycare, then we go watch a movie at the cinema and have lunch in a nice restaurant… just to have some us-time, because we never go out in the evening, we like spending time with Jamie. We always end up picking up Jamie early though and doing something with him afterwards, so it’s a win-win situation for him too!

    I also allow Jamie to come sleep with me when he wakes up scared or in need of a cuddle during the night. They are small for such a little time and need the reassurance and love. Tell hubby you promise him that Honeybear won’t do it when he is a teenager anymore!

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