Sleep and stressing myself, will the hols ever arrive!

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Honeybear, I wish you would sleep my love. I know this too will pass, but sometimes I just want to sleep. I want to sleep without a 2 year old draped over me. I want to sleep on my pillow with some blankets.
I know some people might be thinking we must just leave him in his room, but we are not up for a screaming tantrum from a distressed child in the middle of the night. Sometimes, though, I want a break.
I tell hubby that sometimes I feel like a single parent (ok maybe they have it worse). Hubby works long hours so I am often the one taking care of Honeybear and doing bath-time and bed-time and singing and reading endless bedtime stories.
It does make me wonder what those single parents do. Who gives them a break? It must be tough sometimes, not having someone else there to help out and be your partner.
My sister is a sort of single parent, but she has loads of support from my parents and other two sisters, but I still think it must suck. You want someone to sit down with, amongst the sea of toys and books, when your little one is finally in bed. You want the other half to ooh and aah with you about how well your genes came together.
I must count myself lucky. Hubby comes home every night and he is there when I need him. He is the only other person Honeybear will go to without crying or making a fuss. I can leave Honeybear with hubby and have total peace of mind. That can happen with no one else.
In other news, I am looking forward to planning our holiday. We never get a family holiday during December (Hubby has to work). We are planning one now and I am all excited. I feel like Christmas has come again. We just need to work out what to do with our furry child. She is even more anti-social than Honeybear so it gets difficult getting someone else to look after her. It is almost better to leave her alone. I think we will just leave her home, with a friend to come by and make sure she has enough food and water (though that is not what I worry about). I wonder if it is hubby or I who create these anti- social children?
I was always surrounded by my friends all through school and varsity. I only began to feel lonely when I moved to Pretoria. I went through a whole long time feeling very lonely, but things have changed and I have settled in and made new friends. Not close friends like I ever had before, but friendly enough to have coffee and chat. No one I would ever share anything meaningful with, but close enough to invite around to share a meal.
Writing that makes me think I am anti-social. I like my privacy, and Hubby cannot understand why I never share anything with my Mom. I love my Mom and I know she is there for me, but I feel I should protect her. She does not need to know the deep things that bother me. I know my Mom would question some of my decisions, and I respect that so I never tell her anything. I think one of the reasons I do not share much, is I do not want to be judged or answer any questions about my choices. I share more here than I have ever shared with anyone, except Hubby. He has been the only person I have ever felt comfortable enough to share myself with.
I wonder what Honeybear will be like? Will he have a group like I did? Or be a solitary soul like hubby? I wonder if he will ever find someone he can share his secrets with? Do you wonder the kind of person your child will be and the things he will do. Will he be loved and liked? Will he be good to people and sensitive? Will he be selfish? Will he still be a sweetheart? Will he maybe be single parent one day?
Oh my word, this wondering is giving me stress, so I will stop right there!

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One response »

  1. Oh I like the new blog background πŸ™‚

    I ABSOLUTELY get the sleep thing. Mister sleeps in our bed … next to me. But wants to spend most of the night on top of me. It’s exhausting …
    Because I am being his bed and pillow hubby deals with any of Sweetpea’s wake ups on his own. This makes me feel a bit guilty that I can’t go to her or take turns with hubby, because if Mister wakes and I’m not there or if he wakes while I am passing him to hubby he starts screaming at the top of his lungs til he’s lying on me again!! I am really really hoping this phase passes soon as well!

    I have no idea how single parents manage … really. There’s no way I could manage my kids on my own.

    Oh planning a holiday is FUN (in caps) πŸ™‚ Enjoy it. We were thinking about taking a holiday to the coast this year but the thought of travelling with Mister totally killed it. We are now waiting until next year and then hopefully we will be taking our first family holiday of many,

    I actually only have ONE real friend that I share everything with. We met on first day of the Class 1 and have been best friends ever since. We’ve lived in different provinces and different countries and down the road from each other (we’re about 7k apart now) but we’ve always been each other’s best friends. Of course we both made lots of new friends as we studied separately and work separately etc. but none of our new friends come close to what we have. They are more like they way you were saying … good for a coffee and a chat etc. Hubby and my BFF are the only people I really share all my “stuff” with πŸ™‚

    I always wonder things like that about my kids as well …

    PS. sorry for the essay comment πŸ™‚

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