Trying it out again

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Hello Bloggies,

I hope everything is working well again.  However, I will persevere and try a post.

Honeybear is still crying every morning.  It really is getting us both down.  He is in tears.  I am in tears.  I do not think it is good for either one of us.  This morning was the first morning in  two weeks that there was some protest without him in a state.  He knows when I am turning into the school and he has already worked himself up.  What did we do different this morning? I gave him cookies in the car and talked about all the things we would do this afternoon when I fetched him.  I asked him the names of his friends.  I hope this is the turning point.  I really do not know what to do.  I know it will not last forever but it feels horrible right now.  The crying has become worse, not better, since the beginning of the year.  It had gotten so bad in the last two weeks, he was crying in the car, for about 15minutes before we get to the school.  I know he stops a few minutes later and he never wants to come home with me.  He is too busy playing and he hugs his teachers before leaving.  I can see that it is separation anxiety, and not the school doing bad things to him.  We have, in fact, stopped the extra activities, because he cries about going to those too.  He does not like change, at all.  I know giving him cookies is not good but at this poit in time, I will do just about anything to make him not cry when I drop him off.

Hubby was late getting home last night.  One of their staff had a miscarriage, at 6 months into her pregnancy.  Just hearing about it, made me so incredibly sad.  I do not know her, and know nothing about her.  She is a young woman.  She started bleeding and she ignored it.  The only time anyone knew anything was wrong was when she was in full labour, and the baby miscarried.  Why?  I do not know.  The paramedics say it was highly likely they could have helped if she had said she was bleeding earlier.  I just assumed all women would see bleeding as a sign of immediate medical care.  I just do not know what she was thinking, maybe she was afraid, or maybe she just did not know bleeding was a sign something was terribly wrong?

Hubby is greatly disturbed.  He came home vomiting and showering and very very sad.  He says he saw the little baby and you could see it was a little baby.  I think it brought home to him the things that could have gone wrong when I went into pre-term labour at 28 weeks.  He told me we were lucky that Honeybear was fine and born a full term baby.  I feel so sad for the lady.

Onto happier things, work is going really well, one month down the line.  I am glad I made the move.  Hubby should have final confirmation about his work in a few days.  Honeybear is growing healthy and is a generally happy little boy.

He has many tantrums and gets to be a wild little animal at times, but I think it is ok.  We manage them.  Yesterday was hard.  I had a bad headache (I get these often, and they are so bad I can hardly function).  It was a trial getting him through to bedtime.  I put him to bed next to me, because it was all I could do to drag myself into bed.  I eventually woke and had a shower when hubby arrived home 4 hours after we had fell asleep.  He eats much better, and just let him have whatever he wants.  I keep a range of things I do not mind him eating…yoghurt, cheese, peanut butter, bananas, cereal, biltong….and I allow him to have anything at anytime.  So if he is not interested in dinner, he can eat anything that is available.  We try not to buy the things we do not want him to eat in the first place, to avoid a tantrum.  He loves bananas, and now that he is tall enough to reach the counter, he helps himself to as many as he wants if I am not looking.

Hubby and I are doing much better, and fighting less.  I know when I have reached my point and need a quiet moment to avoid a fight.  The headaches throw me into a bad mood instantly, and I know I need to lie down as soon as I can.  I try to not let things bother me.  A light bulb moment for me:  We are each responsible for our own happiness and to make things better, we each need to change ourselves, instead of blaming and trying to change the other person.  I try to remember this all the time, and it is amazing how it stops a bad mood before it starts when you realize you have to make the change.  Reminds me of the serenity prayer for AA.

Hope everyone is well, and have not scattered too far.

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2 responses »

  1. Both a sad & a happy post.
    It’s so tough when our little ones play up. Liam and I talk all the way in the car in the mornings. I have a basket of toys on the back seat that he keeps busy with. I know he doesn’t throw tantrums about going to school anymore, he’s over that , but it’s more or less the same thing. He started swimming lessons 4 weeks ago. The 1st lesson was fine, the 2nd lesson he cried, the 3rd lesson he flat out refused to get dressed. The teacher picked him up fully clothed, plopped him in the pool and off they went. The 4th lesson he was fine an enjoying it. It’s tough and people keep saying to me that I mustn’t let the Liam manipulate me so, but sometimes giving in to their demands are the only way to get some peace.
    Ouchies on the headaches, sometimes the only thing that helps is a lie down. I’ve realised my headaches are caused my sore muscles in my back, shoulder and neck. I take Norflex Co and have a lie down. 30 minutes later all is good.
    Sounds like you have all the good things for Honeybear to snack on. Our fridge is full of fruit and L loves mango lately.
    It must’ve been awful for hubby to witness his colleagues miscarriage. Makes you wonder why she didn’t call someone sooner. So heartsore.
    Keep well MC, this is turning into a blog.

    • I know what I will allow and I let Honeybear do whatever until I reach my own boundary. I find it is not good fighting with him about everything, and I do not see the huge deal about stopping every single tantrum. Sometimes a good hissy fit makes one feel better. The teaher was brave!
      Hey you may be onto something. I always have neck and shoulder pain with the headache…..thanks Helen!
      Thanks for the comment.

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