I work in a corporate environment. Like most offices, we have one in which hard work pays off and one gets salary increases and promotions. I have never thought I was a career chaser, but I do know that I will not just work for someone else forever. There will be a time when I am part of the group that is more involved in the running of the office and a decision maker. I have my ambitions. Having a child has not changed that in the least. I do believe I can do both successfully.
I do have loads of Mummy guilt every so often (like All Moms, working outside home or not)
Our office just received the go ahead on a large project. Big project means more money, hence more time to be put in….and that means overtime hours.
I have always worked large amounts of overtime (we do not get remunerated for overtime because it is not always easy to judge it in this field). Since Honeybear arrived, I do not work overtime hours anymore. I cannot. I have to go get my child at a specific time and my child needs me and I need him. Work comes second. I don’t feel that I am any less dedicated to my work than I used to be, I just have other interests now. I have a child and I know I must leave every day at a certain time, so I guess I work more efficiently. I still get everything done. As far as I am concerned, that should be enough.
I can’t help but wonder if I am viewed as being less dedicated. That I will now no longer be viewed as someone who can move up. No longer an asset because I have a child that I will drop everything for.
I think that being a mother has made me a better worker. I work more efficiently. I can multi-task better because I have to do it at home anyway. I am dedicated. I am loyal, I have strengths that other people that have never had kids may not have. After 12 hours of labour without drugs I think that I know how to dig deep and give my everything. I have a child so I won’t just walk away from my work.
I can still manage to produce enough milk for my child which just points to the fact that I know how to relax in the middle of a busy day and put my mind onto something that needs doing (I found that I cannot let down milk if I am stressed so I have had to learn to just get over it).
No one has said anything, but I know I am not a key player for the upcoming big project….and I happy with that. I can continue to be the big fish on the smaller ones. I still wonder though if they see me as a liability.
Ok I know that is not true because I have been told that they are happy with the work in the past few months. Ugh. Does one ever relax and stop wondering about the impression that is being created?
I still have my ambitions and I know I will achieve them.
Which brings me to the reason I am very happy with having only one child…….but that is a different post.