I am so tired. I am not sure I can do it anymore. I know I can I know can I know I can…..
Honeybear wants to feed all night. He fed at 18h00, 19h30, 10h00, 11h30, and then I stopped looking at the clock. After 11h30 there was 3 more times until 04h00. The we fed again at 0600 and he is off to daycare. I am all for breastfeeding and I want to do it for as long as possible, but I do need to work too. Spending all day working after that kind of night is beginning to take its toll on me. It does not help that during the day when we are home, he feeds about every hour to two and becomes upset if he sees me walking away. He sees me and starts making this sucking open mouth motion and wants to be fed. At night he just comes at me with his mouth open, rooting. It is sweet and lovely, but I am physically exhausted. I now constantly have a pounding headache. I get light headed. There are only so many vitamins I can take and so much I can eat and drink in a day.
I know why he so hungry. He needs to eat food. He just does not want to eat. He totally turns his nose at anything pureed. So we now five him finger foods. It works better, but he sees me, and then wants breast milk. I allow him to feed himself (with supervision) and it is better than a spoon in his mouth, but still, he is not eating, really. He prefers breast mlik, direct from the breast.
What am I to do. A friend said she mixes cereal and formula in a bottle and gives it to her baby just before she goes to bed and he sleeps almost the whole night. However, her son also eats anything he is given. He is eating steadily and drinking anything. Mine, on the other hand, just wants mama. Maybe it is daycare? Maybe he wants to feel the closeness we don’t have during the day? I love my little one so much, but at 2am, when I have not slept much, I find myself ready to snap at him when he is crying and fussing yet again and only mama can fix it.
This then leads me to believe that it may be better just to give him the bottle at night and he will sleep better? That way mama is happy and loving all the time, without effort. He may be less hungry. However, if he wants me just for the closeness, then it won’t work.
What am I to do? I know this too will pass, but right now, I despair.