How one little piece of advice can give me sleepless nights…..I was crying in traffic.
Honeybear has been a little ill…..sort of, we did not know what was wrong with him (after consulting 4 doctors).
He is ill, so he does not want to drink or eat. When I went to fetch him from daycare yesterday, the caregiver said to me that maybe I should stop breastfeeding and give him formula. Maybe my milk is not good enough. I know I have been toying with the idea of weaning him, but it still hurt when she said it. She also suggested that I am spoiling him by breastfeeding, which is why he won’t eat and drink without me. I know some babies prefer breast and won’t take the bottle, but Honeybear has been easily doing both since he was two weeks old. He has been sick…maybe that is why he does not want to drink? He just needs a little extra patience when feeding him.
I know she was trying to help out, but it hurt. It made me second guess myself. She also said she gave him rooibos tea and yoghurt. Why? I send home-cooked food with him and cereal and milk and water. Everyone has different philosophies about how to raise their child. Mine is: I don’t want him to have dairy or tea right now. He has only just started eating. I am his mother. I want to introduce him to the food. I don’t want her to. He is my child. I will decide when he is ready to eat something else. I realise I am being a control freak here…but as a working mama, I feel like they are taking away even more of him from me, by giving him things I did not. I was clear that he was not to be fed anything until I said it was ok.
My plan was to get him eating properly before allowing him to eat the food cooked by the daycare. I am sure they cook decent stuff, but I want to introduce my baby to the flavours. It is not as if I don’t send anything for him to eat. How do they know he does not have allergies? I know they were just trying to do the right thing and get him to eat something.
I went out and bought different bottle teats and a soft top sippy cup (he drinks water from a feeding cup with me). I tried the bottle with him yesterday evening…..and we discover the reason for his hunger strike during the day……he is teething. He wants to bite the teat and it hurts to suck. The two bottom teeth are coming through. With a little patience and singing and talking and playing he does drink the bottle.
He is my child and I will spoil him….he is 6 months old and I don’t believe with-holding breastmilk is spoiling him. I feel like a bad mother for choosing to work. Now I allow other people to make decisions for my child. I finally got to sleep at 2am this morning. It was a long night of tears and second guessing and trying to work out what to do.
They take good care of him and they fed him in his best interests, but it hurt me so much. This morning I asked them not to feed him tea (for so and so reason). I said that he must eat his apple for lunch.
I do not want to go off at them, they take good care of him, and I do not want to come across as a crazy controlling mama(even though I am one)
He is my first and only baby, I want to be his mama in all ways possible, and still work (I really like my work and have wanted to be doing this since I was ten).
It just had a really sucky night and I had to write about it and get it off my shoulders.
I want my baby to be happy and healthy and I want to do it my way.
Control freak mama signing outJ
PS: Hubby thinks I am upset with him, however, I was unable to talk to him about this last night, and my reticence has been misconstrued. I know what happened but I left him to deal with it, I felt like an evil person yesterday. I felt like I had too much to process and trying to comfort hubby was beyond me.