Control freak mama


How one little piece of advice can give me sleepless nights…..I was crying in traffic.

Honeybear has been a little ill…..sort of, we did not know what was wrong with him (after consulting 4 doctors).

He is ill, so he does not want to drink or eat. When I went to fetch him from daycare yesterday, the caregiver said to me that maybe I should stop breastfeeding and give him formula. Maybe my milk is not good enough. I know I have been toying with the idea of weaning him, but it still hurt when she said it. She also suggested that I am spoiling him by breastfeeding, which is why he won’t eat and drink without me. I know some babies prefer breast and won’t take the bottle, but Honeybear has been easily doing both since he was two weeks old. He has been sick…maybe that is why he does not want to drink? He just needs a little extra patience when feeding him.

I know she was trying to help out, but it hurt. It made me second guess myself. She also said she gave him rooibos tea and yoghurt. Why? I send home-cooked food with him and cereal and milk and water. Everyone has different philosophies about how to raise their child. Mine is: I don’t want him to have dairy or tea right now. He has only just started eating. I am his mother. I want to introduce him to the food. I don’t want her to. He is my child. I will decide when he is ready to eat something else. I realise I am being a control freak here…but as a working mama, I feel like they are taking away even more of him from me, by giving him things I did not. I was clear that he was not to be fed anything until I said it was ok.

My plan was to get him eating properly before allowing him to eat the food cooked by the daycare. I am sure they cook decent stuff, but I want to introduce my baby to the flavours. It is not as if I don’t send anything for him to eat. How do they know he does not have allergies? I know they were just trying to do the right thing and get him to eat something.

I went out and bought different bottle teats and a soft top sippy cup (he drinks water from a feeding cup with me). I tried the bottle with him yesterday evening…..and we discover the reason for his hunger strike during the day……he is teething. He wants to bite the teat and it hurts to suck. The two bottom teeth are coming through. With a little patience and singing and talking and playing he does drink the bottle.

He is my child and I will spoil him….he is 6 months old and I don’t believe with-holding breastmilk is spoiling him. I feel like a bad mother for choosing to work. Now I allow other people to make decisions for my child. I finally got to sleep at 2am this morning. It was a long night of tears and second guessing and trying to work out what to do.

They take good care of him and they fed him in his best interests, but it hurt me so much. This morning I asked them not to feed him tea (for so and so reason). I said that he must eat his apple for lunch.

I do not want to go off at them, they take good care of him, and I do not want to come across as a crazy controlling mama(even though I am one)

He is my first and only baby, I want to be his mama in all ways possible, and still work (I really like my work and have wanted to be doing this since I was ten).

It just had a really sucky night and I had to write about it and get it off my shoulders.

I want my baby to be happy and healthy and I want to do it my way.

Control freak mama signing outJ

PS: Hubby thinks I am upset with him, however, I was unable to talk to him about this last night, and my reticence has been misconstrued. I know what happened but I left him to deal with it, I felt like an evil person yesterday. I felt like I had too much to process and trying to comfort hubby was beyond me.


9 responses »

  1. Dearest Mama-Kitty – you have every right to dictate to your babas caregiver what he should and shouldn’t eat and/or drink. You pay them good money and they need to do YOUR bidding with regard YOUR child. Explain to them that if they intend giving him anything other than what you have brought they should phone you first (and make sure that if you’re not happy with their explanation as to why that you say “no”). You carry on breastfeeding your child for as long as you can. You are NOT spoiling him!And chat to hubby – he needs to be involved in the upbringing of your child too and men can be quite thick – they don’t always know what’s going on until you tell them.Hang in there – you’ll feel better soon.

  2. I breast fed Jess exclusively until she was 7 months old and only then did she go onto rooibos tea. She would not drink it with milk and would not touch formula. So rooibos and juice or rooibos alone were her drinks along with water of course.She was then started on home cooked food, she would not touch Purity, and has loved trying everything anything since. You are the Mommy, you decide what you will do for your child. Hugs. xx

  3. i agree with Lynda. he is your child, not the daycare’s. but i will also say that if you find the perfect daycare, you should let us all know 😉 i dont really think it exists lol!and if you can do it, continue bf’ing till you decide to stop. it is not their choice. strongs with hubby, i saw again last nite they feel left out of everything, and is scared to be too interested (or something, cant put my finger on it). strongs xxx

  4. this is a catch 22 situation..with our boy thats 2yrs 4mnth in a playgroup since he was little…he is also cutting 2 molars and didnt want to eat last week, and only demandíng bottels…moving on-these caregivers sometimes can over do it…ur absolutely right u should introuduce him to different foods in the event he has a allergy to certain foods…..but he is with other kids and he will want to do what they do, he will want to eat/drink what they eat/drink…the caregivers cannot refuse the child the food…from my knowlegde they will offer the child the food they cook and give the one you prepared…i also made him home cooked meals and sent it with…i also had raising moments with them when he was younger, like they gave him fish fingers to eat, we are talking allergies, after informing them he hasnt eaten everything, they still gave him…

  5. OK, I’m not going to say anything about the food situation, what the ladies below have said pretty much covers it. But I am blown away by this theory of your milk not being good enough?? Who does this woman think she is? Breastmilk is THE best thing your child can ever injest. Breastmilk is ALWAYS good enough. How dare she even suggest such a thing! As you can see this is something that really gets me hot under the collar. You are the mom, you decide when to stop breastfeeding. Bugger everyone else and their opinions. Good luck handling this, I would have lost it with her long ago.

  6. You breastfeed as long as you want to, MC! It’s good for baby, keeps him healthy (or healthier, at least). Why would God create us to breastfeed if it’s not good for them?? It can’t make him sick! Maybe the daycare lady should just stick to your instructions and keep an eye out for those teeth and not just jump to hurtful conclusions!You stick to your guns, ok! They can’t just do what they want with your child.Strongs!!T

  7. It’s not ok for her to give your child food without checking with you first! Put your foot down, I say 🙂

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