We have started cereal. We have cut his hair. He can almost sit unassisted. My baby is growing up.
I cut his hair and I was so close to tears as I stood there with the first lock of hair in my hand. I collected up all his hair and I have it next to my bed. He looks very sweet with the hair trimmed. I am glad I did it and not some stranger in a hair salon. He was not bothered by it in the least.
The cereal is beginning to go well now. He is finally interested in it. He actually leans toward the spoon. I am still breastfeeding and he is growing like he should at the last visit at the baby clinic. Honeybear laughed…..LAUGHED!….at the sister after she injected his thigh. The previous times he cried but stopped in a few minutes when I held him. This time he did not need me to comfort him. Is it daycare? He does not need me so much anymore? He can get comfort from other people that are not me. I am a little sad. I don’t want to be one of those Mama’s that hold on too tight………but he is my baby…………..my baby.
When I think about the sister that administered Honeybear’s shots and the women at the daycare. You can see it. These are women that love children. They know how to connect with the children. They are not soft and spoil them to get them to do stuff….they just know how to make a child respond and how to handle different children. These are women made to work with children. I am constantly amazed every time I meet them. The way the children respond to them, as well. I know Honeybear responds to me, but then I am his Mama. Everyone has a calling, and when one sees a person doing their calling, it is amazing how right it is.
Honeybear is almost 5 months old and I am finally beginning to look like a woman again. I have had my eyebrows done. My legs are hair-free again ( I let is grow out after Honeybear arrived…I Know). I now just need to learn how to dress this new slimmer me. I think I deserve a shopping trip. I have promised myself that as soon as my hair stops falling out I am going to get it cut by a professional and then I shall shop for some new stuff. By then I would also have stopped breastfeeding and I feel like I deserve a reward for surviving intact so far, without having done anything too bad to Honeybear.
Hubby and I had a long conversation about him spending alone time with Honeybear. He is afraid. I understand about being afraid doing things for a little baby, but if we don’t just suck up the courage and do it, he won’t get bathed, fed, changed, have his hair cut…all those things we have to do for the first time.
The final straw for me was Saturday morning. I had planned to go to my Le Leche League meeting. Hubby knew how much I wanted to go, because I missed the last one as I was away. I just needed Hubby to take care of Honeybear while I dressed. But he would just not do it. I jumped out of bed early and bathed and dressed Honeybear. I then fed him and put him down to play. By then Hubby also got out of bed. We had breakfast and I needed to shower and dress. I asked Hubby to keep an eye on Honeybear while I was in the shower (Why do I need to ask?). Then I had to iron something. I wanted to look nice and feminine. I have not worn a skirt in more than a year and I wanted to wear one. Baby is fussing and fussing and Hubby just ignores him and continues doing what he is doing. I finally tell him to please pick up the baby. He does and Honeybear is now very upset because the fussing was ignored too long. I just gave up. I pulled on jeans and a t-shirt and took the baby from Hubby and said to Hubby I was not going anymore. I took Honeybear to bed and lay with him and we both slept a bit.
I was so upset. Hubby should just take care of him without having to be instructed by me. I am always the one that decides everything and makes all the plans. I don’t want the baby to be like everything else. I want this to be the one thing Hubby just does. This is our child, not our admin that you can just leave to me.
Sometimes I wonder if it is the breastfeeding. Hubby cannot feed Honeybear but he can still be a part of it all. He can come sit by us while I feed the baby. He can feed the cereal to Honeybear. He can read to him. He can take him to daycare on his late mornings or fetch him on his early afternoons. There are so many other ways he can be a part of Honeybear’s life other than breastfeeding. I just want him to think up these things himself. I do not want to tell him.
He used to be so enthusiastic when Honeybear was younger, but that seems to have faded. This is not some novelty. This is our child. He does new exciting, cute things everyday.
Also, I feel like I have gotten ahead of the game and hubby is lagging behind. It is easier just to let me do it. The only way Hubby will learn and be less afraid is if he actually does it more.
I do not want to nag him about this and we talked when I was ready to talk without being upset and pointing fingers. Hubby seems to understand what I am trying to say and he does make an effort, but I want it to be more.
Maybe I am over-reacting here. Maybe the lack of sleep is catching up to me and making me cranky and inflexible. Maybe I am not seeing all the things Hubby does. He does do a lot.
He is not sitting around doing nothing while I feed and change the baby. On Saturday he was cleaning the bathroom while I was trying to dress. He always does the dishes. He sterilises all Honeybear’s stuff. He takes all my bags to the car and helps me up to the house on his early days. He does all the shopping so I don’t have to do what I don’t like. He makes me a four course dinner and serves it restaurant style. He gives me endless body massages and irons my clothes. He cleans the floors an takes care of the cat. He makes me breakfast and lunch everyday. There are so many other little and big things he does to make my life easier. I am not ungrateful.
I want him to do things for Honeybear directly, not through me. I don’t want him to miss out.