Today is Honeybear’s first day at daycare and my first day back at work from maternity leave. How do I feel about all this?
I have been heartbroken and in tears for days at the thought of leaving Honeybear in daycare. Would they take care of him like I do? Will they know when he is hungry or tired? Will he miss me and be miserable? All sorts of horrible thoughts of him lying there crying and no one caring kept popping into my head. I totally forgot why we chose that daycare. I forgot that they were nice caring people and that the babies were well taken care of. Hubby came with me to offer support. At the gate there was a lovely lady helping us to get in. The lady I first spoke to called out to me as soon as we walked in. She remembered our names and our baby’s name. The principal was there to hug Honeybear and take him from me. They made it easier for me to leave him and walk away without tears in my eyes.
Another feeling I have is of happiness to be back at work. Some Mommies are going to be taken aback I think. I love Honeybear and I want to take care of him, however, I also like my work. I am doing my dream job, and I am happy to come back to it. It may sound contradictary. I want take care of baby and I want to work fulltime. That is how I feel. Also, I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home Mama. I was beginning to lose me. I am more than just Mama. I also am a woman with ambitions and goals that I had before Honeybear arrived
Yes, my life has changed greatly since Honeybear, but I am still me. Just another aspect has been added to me. I am faceted. Working is one facet. Mama is another. I don’t love Honeybear any less. I don’t want to be away from him. I do want to work and fulfill my goals.
I think Honeybear will have a happier more confident Mama, if I do the things I want to. I don’t want to feel like I have “given up” anything to be Mama. We waited this long, because I wanted to feel more confident in myself and career before having a child. I know exactly what I want and I know that I can be Mama, and a woman with a career.
Does this make me a bad Mama. Am I missing something. Does anyone think I love my child less because I want to work?
At the end of the day I still feel amazed and happy that: I am Mama