I cannot believe all that happened. I went into preterm labour. At 28 weeks I went into preterm labour. The shock, the fear and anxiousness. Just writing this still makes me want to cry.
I have been having the most boring pregnancy ever. Nothing happens that should not, and I am missing many of the symptoms other preggy women complain about. And then out the blue, preterm labour.
It was so unexpected and scary. I did not even know what was happening until I was hooked up to the fetal monitor and the nurse tells me I am having contractions. Contractions are supposed to be sore? You should know surely?
Anyway, I had a stay in the hospital for a few days until they were sure that they had stopped the contractions. Kitten was checked constantly, and I was given steroids to make sure his organs were developed enough if he did come early.
It brought home to hubby and I exactly what it means to be a parent….that anxiousness and fear for your child. You will do anything to make sure he is fine. There is no dignity in being a parent….you will do anything.
The hardest thing for me was trying to be calm and not bawling my eyes out because I was so scared. Hubby was amazing. He was strong and calm to help me. I am usually the level headed calm one, but I could not be this time. All I could think about was making sure Kitten would stay inside. And there was nothing I could do. I had to lie there and hope and pray and not cry.
The doctor explained it was nothing I had done, these things happen and I have no control over it. My fear is that it could happen again. If I cannot control it, it could happen again.
I try to concentrate on the fact that Kitten is fine. He is growing well and is actually a large baby. I have the urge to be connected to the fetal monitor constantly so that I know I am not having contractions and he is fine.
How could I not know something was going on? How could I not know that I was having contractions? How?
I feel like a bad mother. Also, it does not help when people constantly are telling me what I should and should not be doing. Don’t walk so much, don’t pick up anything, drink more water, eat this, don’t eat that. It is not helping my state of mind. Getting back to my happy place is going to take a long long long time. I do not think the fear is ever going to leave.