I am terrified!

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I cannot believe all that happened. I went into preterm labour. At 28 weeks I went into preterm labour. The shock, the fear and anxiousness. Just writing this still makes me want to cry.

I have been having the most boring pregnancy ever. Nothing happens that should not, and I am missing many of the symptoms other preggy women complain about. And then out the blue, preterm labour.

It was so unexpected and scary. I did not even know what was happening until I was hooked up to the fetal monitor and the nurse tells me I am having contractions. Contractions are supposed to be sore? You should know surely?

Anyway, I had a stay in the hospital for a few days until they were sure that they had stopped the contractions. Kitten was checked constantly, and I was given steroids to make sure his organs were developed enough if he did come early.

It brought home to hubby and I exactly what it means to be a parent….that anxiousness and fear for your child. You will do anything to make sure he is fine. There is no dignity in being a parent….you will do anything.

The hardest thing for me was trying to be calm and not bawling my eyes out because I was so scared. Hubby was amazing. He was strong and calm to help me. I am usually the level headed calm one, but I could not be this time. All I could think about was making sure Kitten would stay inside. And there was nothing I could do. I had to lie there and hope and pray and not cry.

The doctor explained it was nothing I had done, these things happen and I have no control over it. My fear is that it could happen again. If I cannot control it, it could happen again.

I try to concentrate on the fact that Kitten is fine. He is growing well and is actually a large baby. I have the urge to be connected to the fetal monitor constantly so that I know I am not having contractions and he is fine.

How could I not know something was going on? How could I not know that I was having contractions? How?

I feel like a bad mother. Also, it does not help when people constantly are telling me what I should and should not be doing. Don’t walk so much, don’t pick up anything, drink more water, eat this, don’t eat that. It is not helping my state of mind. Getting back to my happy place is going to take a long long long time. I do not think the fear is ever going to leave.

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17 responses »

  1. Hey there,one thing that I have learnt is don’t listen to what everyone else tells you. Each person is different and what works for them might not work for you and it is going to end up driving you insane! You are doing well and nothing you did could have changed what has happened and your need to protect your child the way you have proves that you are definitely one awesome parent!!! Good luck, hun and I am thinking of you and kitten…and remember in the end everything is ok if it is not ok it is not the end 🙂

  2. Sorry to hear about this…Don’t listen to everyone, even though they mean well. Listen to your doctor and yourself!Take carexxx

  3. Hey arcat. Don’t ever think of yourself as a bad mother, and stop listening to the know-it-alls. You and kitten will be just fine. Praying for you. *Hugs*

  4. You are doing just fine. Do what you feel you need to do. Let your body and instinct guide you. Nobody knows better than you what you are feeling or need. Sending love…

  5. its hard not to stress! and its going to be silly of me to tell you to relax, but you really have to try your best. a friend of mine had her baby at 24 weeks and he is big, strong and healthy now. just try and hold on to the faith and remember that you are doing the best for your child, you are not a bad mother! i have learnt to take peoples advice with a pinch of salt and trust my instincts.

  6. any chance of going on leave and doing the bed rest thing…ur almost at the finish line….yes these things do happen….my friend was having such a beautiful pregnancy,no complications, i had not heard much of her, just thought she must be resting and enjoying the last mnth…all the time i had her due date in mind mid June. I then received a mail and pic, baba was born 1 month early all well and healthy but under weight but gaining weight steadily!

  7. You are not a bad mother, everyone is different. I have 3 kids and with my last I didnt know that I was in labour….. (my first two were induced) until I got to the hospital. Remember you are the Mom and go with your instinct!

  8. I still have just over a month to work. My bosses understand and have reduced my fieldwork so I do less walking etc. I still don’t want to be completely sedentry, don’t want to become unfit.

  9. dont want to preach to you but yes walk less and rest alot and dont stand for long periods too, dont stress right now abóut ur bil…baby feels all of that, and its important ur pressure stays normal…take it easy pleaseeeee.i also had contractions towards the end, only tiggered when i walked, DR said STOP walking , read a book and relax :)did you get loose maternity clothing already or u fitting into normal clothes still…avoid anything tight around the tummy.

  10. Listen to Schnee Arcat. Seriously walking does bring on labour. When I went in to labour, the nurses encouraged me to walk around the hospital to bring on the labour quicker. So if you don’t want that to happen then keep your feet up and just relax. I also thought I was superwoman during my pregnancy but I really battled in the end and the Dr had to get me to go on early maternity leave and made me go on bed rest. It was not nice but I think had I taken it easy during my pregnancy I wouldn’t have battled like that in the end.

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