Lets all hold hands and sing!

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I had an unexpected phone call this weekend….from my sister’s wife beating husband. This is someone I really do not want to talk to. I happened to be the only person who had ever confronted him about his wife-beating ways. I let him have it and then that was the last time I spoke to him.

My sister is still with him and that is her choice, and my choice is never to have to associate with him, unless it is the opportunity to scratch out his eyes and make him suffer. However, that opportunity has not presented itself, and my sister apparently loves him, so she will not take kindly to me hurting him.

He is currently trying to reform his wife beating ways, part of which includes drug and alcohol addiction. Good for him, I hope it all works out. However, 3 months clean does not wipe the slate clear in my books. I do not believe he has kicked it all, yet. This is the 5th time he is at it, and I expect a lot more time before I believe that he is dedicated to recovery. Anyway, I want nothing to do with him.

I am not ready to forgive him the hurt he has caused my family, and is still causing my family. So why does he call me, the one person who has obviously voiced her disgust in him? Part of his recovery is to “make amends” So this apparently involves making amends to people who have been hurt by your wife beating, drug and alcohol abuse ways.

Great for him. He is trying, but I still do not like him any better. Just because he is ready to make amends, what makes him think I am ready to make amends?   Why am I expected to say it is all ok and I forgive him? I don’t. Yes, I am a grudge holding #@#! I do not want him to call me so that he can hear me say how it is all ok and how thankful I am and how happy I am and how I WISH HE WOULD JUST DISAPPEAR!!!!!

Now I am expected to have them over at my house? I don’t think so. I was civil to him, my sister wants him and for that reason, I will withhold my urge to kill him. However, I will not have him at my house. I will not have him sit at my table and have to pretend to be civil to someone I despise and have no respect for. I know that right thing is to let it go and make amends with him, and we can all hold hands and sing Kumbayah.

I am not at that point, and I don’t think it is coming anytime soon.

I certainly don’t want him anywhere near my son, and his suggestion that he will come visit makes me want to vomit and hide my child.

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6 responses »

  1. I wouldn’t have him over at my house either. In fact, I’m not even nearly as nice as you are. If I were in the same situation, I wouldn’t think twice before beating the crap out of him.

  2. I fully understand where you are coming from. For the sake of politeness so often we pretend not to know these things happen – more people should stand up and denounce those who commit these crimes behind closed doors and then join society as if nothing is wrong! They should be ostracised and shunned – and your sister needs some lessons in self-worth! Does she really think this is her best option in life? That’s really sad!

  3. absolutley agree with you, just because he wants to make amends doesn’t mean you have to or want to. don’t have them in your house until you are ready, and don’t feel guilty either

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