My selfish post

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My sister looks to me for advice and support. I am always ready to talk to her and give her what advice I think is the best. She normally does not take my advice anyway and I try to continue to be understanding and there for her when she wants to turn to me. She is the sister I have written about a few times, the one married to the wife-beating/addict.

I think that she should kick his wife-beating/addicted butt out of her life, but she chooses to remain his ever loving and loyal wife. I know it is her decision and I do not tell her to leave him. I just listen and tell her to make her own decisions. I try to explain all her choices as I see it and I leave it up to her to decide what is best for her.

They have a baby together now and she kicked his wife-beating/addict butt out last Thursday. Two days ago, she was telling me how she is divorcing him, but I know she will not, not right now, she still wants to be the loving wife.

I worry about her, the baby, and my parents. The loving wife is living with my parents because her wife-beating/addict husband cannot afford rent, food or any of the necessities most of us need. Therefore, my parents have been providing those necessities for the three. After seeing the wife-beating/addict husband almost hit my sister, my parents will not allow him back at their house.

However, the big problem comes with the wife-beating/addict wanting to visit with the baby. My sister is in my parents’ house with the baby, wife-beating/addict husband is not allowed at the parents’ house. What must she do? She cannot deny the wife-beating/addict the right to see the baby, but where? She would have to go somewhere other than the parents’ house for him to come over.

I totally understand why the parents’ don’t want him at their house. I agree with it. I know the wife-beating/addict is only asking to see the baby because he knows he is not allowed to visit. I also know he is using it as ploy to see my sister.

He has never shown interest in the baby before, or any type of undying fatherhood, which is why I think it, is a ploy. (He may be feeling some kind of fatherly feelings; I cannot really say he does not have them)

Anyway, I feel deeply troubled that I cannot help her. I do not know what is the right or best thing to do. I told her she has to make some arrangements between the wife-beating/addict and the parents. I know my sister feels like this is a ray of hope that he actually is going to be a good husband and father, but I also know this is not true right now. He may get clean and turn out fabulous, but right now that is not the person he is. This is what I call a toxic relationship. She is not able to get out of this relationship right now, for all the reasons battered women the world over give (Having never been in the situation, I am having a hard time understanding it). I know all about battered women syndrome, etc., but knowing is not understanding.

I could not help her make a decision today. I could not help her make her life better. I know it is not my right to be able to fix her life. I want to fix it for her, but I cannot. I want her to fix it all herself. She has to decide these things for herself. I am trying really hard to be the understanding sister that does not push her to divorce the wife-beating/addict.

I worry about the kind of life their baby will have. There are millions of people out there who want children so badly, but for whatever reason of the universe, they do not have children. Here we have the ever-loving wife and the wife-beating/addict who have a child without trying and they both deny that child at different times.

The wife-beating/addict says that it is not his child, the ever loving wife is more interested in keeping the wife-beating/addict happy than taking care of the baby. I have received messages about how the ever-loving wife wants to kill the child or does not want to see it. The parents are there to make sure everyone is safe and taken care of, but still it is not right.

I would never say any of this to anyone else or let my sister, the ever-loving wife know exactly how I feel so I have to vent this somewhere. This is the first time I have written a blog I would not want people I know to read.

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4 responses »

  1. You will never be able to make her life better Arcat.She’s the only one that can make that decision.If she really wants to let him see the baby, it needs to be under supervision…Get some legal council in on this!I wish you luck!

  2. I knew someone that was in a relationship like your sister, they ask for advice and when you give they do the opposite. Your sister has to make the descion to leave him. It is tough but you have to give your sister tough love.

  3. It’s so difficult to keep from asking her what the hell is she wasting her time and life with this whatever. It kills me to hear stories like these when we have so many examples of these situations. I guess it’s human nature. shooooooo!

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