IT IS TO BE

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I have been so unhappy about how I miss my family and work and why everything seems wrong. The one thing that makes me happy and smile, is the thought of the child Hubby and I will have one day (hopefully soon).

I will have to learn to deal with my family not being close enough to visit regularly. I am still working on that one. In terms of work, I realise I do not have to stay here. I can go look for another job if I do not like it here, and it has come to that: I do not like it here anymore. It makes me miserable to come to work and unless there are some changes made, I am going to continue to feel miserable. So come next year, I will be looking for another job.

Hubby and I decided that I would stay here until I go on maternity leave. It is not going to work so well if I start a new job pregnant. That is if we get pregnant as soon as we think we are. We know these things do not happen on schedule, but we can at least try it. If the pregnancy thing does not work out immediately, so be it and we can adjust plans accordingly, nothing set in stone.

Just making the decision that I do not have to stay in this job forever goes a huge way to making me feel happier. I need to take control of things, and stop feeling as if things happen to me. I allow things to happen to me and make me feel unhappy. So a little at a time, I can make me feel better.

I guess I will be whining here in the blogs more often, but a good whine, in the privacy of anonymity is a great way to feel better.

“IF IT IS TO BE IT IS UP TO ME”

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