Friendless

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I feel better these days, not so neurotic anymore.  I think the rain has got a bit to do with it.  Everything is cleaner and cooler.  I don’t feel energy-less and want to sleep all the time. This long weekend I did not have a single afternoon nap.  I spent the weekend doing stuff.  Stuff with myself that did not need anybody else.  

Normally a long weekend like that, when Hubby is working late everyday, I feel lonely and unhappy and lament to myself that I really don’t have any friends here.  I have lived here for a long time now, but I still feel all my friends are back in Durban. I live here and I need people here.  How I get myself some friends here I don’t know.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not some unfriendly hermit type. The problem lies in that all the people I consider friends I have known just about forever.  These are people I got together with when I was a child or at varsity.  I have known them for years.  I used to be very social.  There was lunches and shopping trips and movie nights and picnics and all those things people do.  When I moved here all that seemed to have died.
Hubby is a loner so there were no friends of his that I could get to know.  The people I work with are friendly and we all get along, but that is just work.  We don’t really do stuff outside work.  I have tried to invite people over for lunch or tea or anything, but every time someone does not turn up like they were supposed to, I feel bad. 
I think it is almost like dating.  Get rejected too many times, and then you don’t want to try anymore. I never thought I would not have friends.  It sounds really sad.  Those people back in Durban I see maybe once a year. I need people.  I am not a loner.  I need to sit down and talk.  I want to do other things.  I want to meet other people and be social.  How does one do it?  How do you make friends.  Really I am not unfriendly.  However, I think I am holding up friendship against the years long friendships I have always had.  All friendships must start somewhere, but where that point is I don’t know. Maybe my idea of friendship is too closed.  Sometimes I long for a friend that I giggle with.  I’ve never been the type that shares all, but sometimes I want to do that.  I want people I can call up and say come over for a braai.  Or we are going to see this interesting thing I read about, do you want to go take a look.  Or do you want o go out for breakfast this morning. Or do you want to come watch that new movie.  Or yes I’ll come help you paint your room.  Or it is my birthday, do you want to come over for dinner.  People I can rely on to actually turn up. I’m a sad sad sad individual sometimes.
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6 responses »

  1. I know excately how you feel as for the past 12 years I am also friendless and it does eventually effect one.Wishing you a nice and relaxing evening..(((HUG)))

  2. IF I COULD EVER SAY THAT I KNOW EXACTLY, SPOT ON, 150% HOW YOU SOMEONE FEELS, THEN THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE 2ND TIME MY BF AND I ARE LIVING & WORKING IN A DIFFERENT CITY (WE’RE FROM CT) AND IT’S THE SAME WITH US. OUR FIRST NEW EXPERIENCE WAS IN LONDON, SO IT JUST MADE IT THAT MUCH MORE…”ALONE.” WE STAYED WITH AN A WONDERFUL SOUTH AFRICAN COUPLE, AND MY BF & I ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR EACH OTHER, BUT U WANT TO CALL UP SOMEONE, DO STUFF, CHAT…NOW, WE’RE STAYING IN SANDTON, SAME THING. WE LOVE ENTERTAINING, ALTHOUGH WE HAVE OUR “RULES”, WE ATTEND CHURCH EVERY 2 WEEKS, WE PRAY BEFORE OUR MELAS (EVEN AT RESTAURANTS), WE LIKE GOING OUT, DANCING, ALTHOUGH WE DONT GET HAMMERED, WE ARE BOTH VERY RESPONSIBLE AND MY BF HAS NO MORE THAN 2 DRINKS WHEN WE ARE OUT. WE HAVE GOOD FUN AND LOVE BEING WITH PEOPLE, BUT AS FOR YOU, THAT IS HOW IT IS WITH US. IVE EVEN STARTED ASKING MYSELF IF ONE OR BOTH OF US COME ACROSS AS CONCEITED WITHOUT NOTICING? SHOULD WE LET OUR HAIR DOWN EVEN MORE. ARE WE TOO “LUVVY DUVVY”…LIKE…WHAT THE HECK! U KNOW…SO WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL GROUP OF FRIENDS IN CT, WHICH WE’VE BOTH INHERITED FROM EACH OTHER, WHOM WE MISS AND WISH WE HAD HERE IN SANDTON. WHATEVER IT IS OR IS NOT, IM GLAD AT LEAST WE HAVE EACH OTHER, THAT WE DONT GO ON STUPID WEEKEND ALCHOLIC FUELED BINGES, THAT WE CAN ENJOY EACH OTHERS COMPANY AND THAT WE CAN CALL UP OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY IN SUNNY CT. EVEN THOUGH WE HAVENT BEEN HERE LONG ENOUGH, IM SURE WE WILL MAKE A FEW GOOD FRIENDS. AT LEAST OUR LIFESTYLES ARE THAT OF A GOOD EXAMPLE TO OTHERS…’ROLE MODEL’ MATERIAL.

  3. For some people it’s really difficult to make friends. I am one of those people. But, I’m OK being alone.Maybe join a book club? Find out if there’s anything on the notice board at the library. Join a sewing circle, or go for a pottery course. Maybe you’ll meet like minded people that way?Or come to the MOB on 1 May…

  4. I avidly read all noticeboards. I love to sew and crochet and all things crafty, however, I find these things cost a bit. And in Pretoria, most people speak Afrikaans so in a group I sit quietly because I’m not totally sure what is going on.

  5. Hi Cherrie. I also think sometimes I must do something that other people don’t like. I’m not too sure what it is.

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