I feel better these days, not so neurotic anymore. I think the rain has got a bit to do with it. Everything is cleaner and cooler. I don’t feel energy-less and want to sleep all the time. This long weekend I did not have a single afternoon nap. I spent the weekend doing stuff. Stuff with myself that did not need anybody else.
Normally a long weekend like that, when Hubby is working late everyday, I feel lonely and unhappy and lament to myself that I really don’t have any friends here. I have lived here for a long time now, but I still feel all my friends are back in Durban. I live here and I need people here. How I get myself some friends here I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, I am not some unfriendly hermit type. The problem lies in that all the people I consider friends I have known just about forever. These are people I got together with when I was a child or at varsity. I have known them for years. I used to be very social. There was lunches and shopping trips and movie nights and picnics and all those things people do. When I moved here all that seemed to have died.
Hubby is a loner so there were no friends of his that I could get to know. The people I work with are friendly and we all get along, but that is just work. We don’t really do stuff outside work. I have tried to invite people over for lunch or tea or anything, but every time someone does not turn up like they were supposed to, I feel bad.
I think it is almost like dating. Get rejected too many times, and then you don’t want to try anymore. I never thought I would not have friends. It sounds really sad. Those people back in Durban I see maybe once a year. I need people. I am not a loner. I need to sit down and talk. I want to do other things. I want to meet other people and be social. How does one do it? How do you make friends. Really I am not unfriendly. However, I think I am holding up friendship against the years long friendships I have always had. All friendships must start somewhere, but where that point is I don’t know. Maybe my idea of friendship is too closed. Sometimes I long for a friend that I giggle with. I’ve never been the type that shares all, but sometimes I want to do that. I want people I can call up and say come over for a braai. Or we are going to see this interesting thing I read about, do you want to go take a look. Or do you want o go out for breakfast this morning. Or do you want to come watch that new movie. Or yes I’ll come help you paint your room. Or it is my birthday, do you want to come over for dinner. People I can rely on to actually turn up. I’m a sad sad sad individual sometimes.