How we change

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She was in a bad place.  This was the first guy she kissed, she had told him she loved him.  She had believed he was the one, and she had decided that he would be her first.  He was supposed to stay.  He was supposed to love her.  What was the point now.  Now that she was no longer a virgin.  What was the point in waiting for love.  He did not love her.  He just wanted to get into her pants.  He had done and now she was his dirty little secret.  Sneaking into his place when no one was there was not right.  But everytime he called she drove over and got into his bed and let him have his way.

“Life is hard,” she thought to herself. “She had to do something to get away from him……………….
 
“Come on,” I won’t come in you. Condoms are not nice.  You will enjoy this better.” She wriggled under him.  She knew that sex without condoms is not the way to go, but he wants to.  And he is stronger than her. He knows about these things.  Maybe he is right and it won’t be bad.  Maybe she would finally feel something this time.
And then she let him.  She let him slip into her and it felt strange and dangerous.  There she was half hanging off the bed while he grunted above her. And then the hot feel of his cum all over her tummy and breasts.  Oh it was gross.  But what is she supposed to say. He sticks his penis into her mouth.
“Clean it off for me” he demands.  And she obediantly does what he wants.  Laying next to him she wonders if this is what it is supposed to be like.  She never feels anything during sex.  She has never orgasmed.  Even with the one she thought she loved.  Maybe there is something wrong with her.  Maybe she is broken.  Oh well, it had served its purpose.  This one took her mind off the other.  At least now she was over him.  Here sex was just sex.  There were no promises of love.  She came to his bed for sex and there were no feelings.  She did all he wanted, because she was here to learn.  She did not even like him, but that was fine.  He was just somebody she needed now.  She knew he would not love her either.  There were no illusions here………………..
 
“I see two pink lines” she said it over the phone. 
“Come over to my place, we can talk about it” he says.
So dutifully she drives to him.  She knows that there is no way she can have this baby.  It is just not possible.  She cannot be tied down now.  She cannot hurt her parents so.  She has things to do and a carreer to build.
“We have to have an abortion” he says.
“I know” she says. “I’ll phone around and find somewhere”
“I can give you money if you need” he says.  “You don’t have to do it all alone”
“No, I’ll fix it.  Don’t worry about it.”
And then they fall into bed for another session of loveless sex.
 She found a place that did it.  It was painful and horrible, but at least it was gone now.  She went back to the office and carried on her work.  That evening sitting alone in her room, she thought about how unfeeling she was.  How horrible a person she was.  Where was the maternal instinct that was supposed to keep her from killing the baby.  What was wrong with her.  She called him.  There was no one else that knew.  There was no one else to talk to.  Even this person she just slept with.  And he was there.  Holding her and saying it was ok.  She could not even cry.  It was time to continue her life again……………………..
 
“Why, why do you have to go?  I love you?” he cried with tears in his eyes.
She looked at him “You don’t love me.  This was just sex”
“No, after all this time, it is not just sex.”
“You will meet a woman who you can love.  I am not her.  I am leaving. It is over”
“Please don’t make me beg. Please stay.  I love you baby”
“Baby? We don’t talk like that. You don’t love me.  Let’s just end this now.  I am moving to another city.  I’m here to say goodbye.”
Edit: Why can’t I post this? Or it posts twice?
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3 responses »

  1. Yippee you can actually read the post which means it did get posted. Yep, sad story…many young woman find the illusion shattered. Life is not the books we read.

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