I am angry

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I’m wondering if people are thinking straight. My sister, I wrote about her before.  She is married to the wife-beater.  She left him for a while, more like he kicked her out for another woman.  So she was back with the parents.  Today the parents tell me she is back with him.  And now the parents are the evil ones.  She up and left, they did not even know she had moved out again.  This from people who have not told her she should leave him, people who have supported her whatever she did, picked her up in the street at night because her in laws beat her up.  This is why one should never get between a husband and wife, no matter how bad it looks.  So she is off with the wife-beater until the next time she needs the parents to come pick her off the floor because she tried suicide again, or because the wife-beater has kicked her out, or because the wife-beater has brought home some sti from sleeping around.

Yes, I have heard all the stories about beaten women and why they can’t leave.  I know all of that.  However, there is a thing called respect.  My parents deserve a little respect for all the times they picked her up when the wife-beater pushed her down.  It was the parents that sat at her hospital bedside when the wife beater could not even call to see if she was still alive.  I do not pretend to know what battered women go through.  I do not pretend to understand how someone else can erode away your self-worth so you believe you can do no better than a wife beater.  I do not understand any of it. And I don’t want to understand!

I am angry at my sister.  Angry that she does not have the courage to leave the wife beater.  I am angry that she disrespects my parents the way she does.  I am angry that she is destroying her life.  She has turned into an ambitionless woman, who can’t see her life without the wife beater.  I am angry at her for not getting the help she needs.  I am angry at her for using the church as an excuse to go back to the wife beater.  I am angry at myself for just watching her destroy herself. I want to kill the wife-beater. I want to make him suffer.  I want to brainwash my sister so she can forget about him.

Through all the drugs, sex and alcohol she still wants him.  I guess he is her addiction.  I want to write her off and stop thinking of her and I want her to stop worrying me.  I am selfish and all I think about is me.

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18 responses »

  1. This is a bad situation. And you can’t do anything to stop it from happening. My ex did not beat me, but he did break me down mentally. And it took me 10 years to draw the line. And I had to do it myself.Nothing anybody said made a jot of difference.I can’t even give advice. You’ll just have to either bear it, or write her off. It’s not your fault. Don’t feel guilty about it, and don’t think you’re selfish. But you should not judge her either – it’s an untenable situation for her. Hugs…

  2. I don’t think you are selfish, you just care and that is a good thing. If I may ask, what sort of excuse does she make re the church. The bible is quite clear about divorce, if your spouse commits adultery that is the only reason you have to divorce him/her. If they are abusive, you can seperate yourself from that situation until they stop what they are doing and go for some kind of help but you can’t divorce unfortunately. The bible is also quite clear on how a marriage should function. If he continues what he is doing, he will answer one day.

  3. You know…my cousin is in the same position. She is married to a wife beater, drug addict…LOSER etc…but that’s the way she WANTS to live.HER F*CKIG PROBLEM (excuse my language) She wrote her parents off for this wanker. She is now pregnant with her 3rd child…none of them have jobs and they have NO STABILITY. The only people I feel sorry for in this whole ordeal is the kids. God be with them for having such incompetent parents. I don’t feel sorry for such people. If they can go back, then they know EXACTLY what it is they’re doing…Ek’t my niggie af geskryf. Here help my as ek haar in die pad kry. Iemand se gesig sal beslis brand van ‘n moerse klap because that’s EXACTLY what she needs! Clearly he’s not doing a good job! SHE ASKED FOR IT!

  4. It’s a tough situation…I don’t think you are being selfish for wanting to write her off, but she remains your sister and writing off is always easier said than done. Good luck to you. Hugs.

  5. Morning, No you are not selfish. Sad for your sister.Re Sleepless valentines; When I had your symptoms I thought too that it was iron deficiency only to find I am preggy! haha! take the test if not already resolved.

  6. Hey you,believe me you are not being selfish at all.Like Snich said you just care for your sister.Maybe she will learn in her own way & in her own time.Your parents are really sweet people,they keep picking your sis up becuase after all that is still there child no matter what anyone does or says.This will be your sister no matter what & i think you should be there for her.Dont get involved but make her aware you care

  7. Sparkle I am pretty sure I am not pregnant. I hva heard though some woman still menstruate for a few months, but I think this is not a baby. That is not in the plan just yet.

  8. Snich she says her marriage vows need to be upheld no matter what he is doing. That she needs to help him. That is the way of the church she says. Noble, but in my opinion stupid in this case.

  9. She is treating your parents the way she is because she is ashamed. Soemwhere she knows they are right but cannot do what she knows they want her to, and what she knows she should.She knows they know – and that’s hard for her

  10. how crushed must her spirit be to allow such a situation to continue despite all your family’s support? Funny, i just blogged on this on saturday night, the people upstairs are driving me mad

  11. I took a looksee at the blog you wrote. I have realised there is not much we can do. Just sit and wait and give her back the pieces again.

  12. That’s a sad situation.My mom got involve din a situation like this and married a man who was emotionally and physically abusive. He wouldn’t allow her to associate with any of us and we fell out fo contact for four years.One day she called us and told us how he had been treating her. My two brothers, my grandparents and I moved everything out of that house and she moved in with my grandparents. After all of this, including the worry she put ehr parents through, she went back to him.Needless to say, I was FURIOUS. But it was cos I cared. I didn’t like having to worry and I felt terrible for my grandparents. We didn;t talk again for another year.Then one day she realised what we had known all along, and she left him. She had been secretly saving up money, just in case. This was the biggest relief, and we knew it was for sure, because she had done it by herself. We have never spoken about what happened even though we are close now, but in the end it doesn’t matter. Family will always be family and people have to learn their own lessons. All you can do is let her know that, when the time comes, you will be there, but otherwise she has to take responsibility for herself.Hope that helps in some way…

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