The weapons of the ones we love


Why is it the ones you love the most have the power to hurt the most.  To hurt with the silliest things. 

Last night Hubby worked late. He should have been home at 17H30.  He did tell me he would be late.  I assumed that was 19H00.  At 22H00 I was still waiting for him.  And never a phone call to say that he was fine, that he would be home at so and so time.  And I sat there waiting, dinner getting cold, waiting and worrying.  Should I call? What if he is driving?  I rush into the shower at nine worrying the whole time that I might not be at the door to greet him. 
I finally called him at 22H00 to see if he was ok.  Yes he was leaving now.  So by 22H30 he was home.  I had a hot cup of tea waiting and dinner.  And then he tells me he has already eaten.  There was no phone call to tell him was going to be that late, that he was going to have dinner at work, that I should eat by myself.  I sat there on the patio waiting.  Waiting to get the first glimpse of his car so I could meet him at the door.  So he would not have to fumble with keys. 
After he said he had eaten dinner already, I told him he could go shower.  I put away the uneaten dinner, I put his tea by his bed with a chocolate and I went to bed.  He came to kiss me goodnight.  I kissed him and closed my eyes. 
It hurt that he did not have the time to give me a quick call, or send me an sms to say he was going to be finished that late.  Especially when he left at 05H30 that morning and I was still half asleep.  So I did not really see him.  Serves me right for not getting out of bed at 05H30 on Sunday morning to see my husband off to work.  Serves me right for sitting and waiting to have dinner with my husband.  Serves me right for not calling earlier to check when he would be home.  Serves me right for being a clingy wife.
It was a silly thing.  Something that probably did not cross his mind while he was busy.  And the little evil voice whispers to me:  You would have remembered, does he not care enough to remember too?
I am still hurting a little and I know that it will be a will ‘o the wisp on the wind in a few hours and I will be happy in his arms this afternoon.

7 responses »

  1. I understand how you are feeling. For what they are worth, a suggestion or two, as I know that ‘different things work for different people’. “Men are from Mars”… try reading that book. It gave me quite a few pointers as to how to ‘get things accross’ without causing a fight. Also, I suggest you write him a letter telling him that “I felt unloved/worried/ and any other things you felt at the time, make a huge effort not to accuse/be comfrontational, and tell him that you are aware of the fact that he possibly didn’t realise you would be waiting dinner for him. Affirm you love him. Whatever you do, try and avoid using ‘you’ if it might look like he is being ‘got at’. Good luck.

  2. I can imagine how you felt and hope you are feeling better?.Just a few points:a)He is wrong not to let you know as it’s normal to worry.b)Maybe he’s taking a little for granted the things you do for him?I would have a chat to him about it.

  3. I agree with bushbaby… but even more… don’t beat yourself up and/or berate yourself for not getting up at 5.30. You don’t have to be punished and nor should you make him feel that he should expect that from you. You do need to talk about him calling you if he’s going to be late – common decency so you don’t worry. (Not for ‘clingy’ reasons at all)

  4. hey bushbaby. I did sit down and talk to him the next day. By then he had worked out something was not right about Sunday evening. I feel better.

  5. Thanks Dinx. He and I have since sat down and talked about it. And I have told him how I felt and tried to understand his way of thinking to.

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