Wife beaters



I have been sad and angry and hopeless and despairing all over this weekend.  My sister’s husband beats her.  My mom told me on Saturday morning.  She has been so sick and is still waiting for results for what is wrong with her.  And what does her husband do when she gets home Friday? He beats her.  He is clever. He hits her where no one can see.  Where her clothes will cover it up.  She is so sick she cannot walk and he hits her the first day she is back home.  The pain and suffering she must feel.


I want to help her but I don’t know how. Mom says she does not want anyone to know.  And she won’t leave him. Why won’t she just walk out? Why does she stay with a man who hurts her? I cannot understand? Is there someone out there who can tell me?  I do not advocate divorce, but sometimes it has to be done.  When he hurts you so bad you cannot go to work you need to leave. Or am I wrong? What have I missed?


I spoke to her.   She won’t tell me that he beats her.  The impression I get is that she feels embarrassed.  She feels like she is the one that has something to feel ashamed of.  I just want to go get her and he can just suffer in hell for all eternity.  He cannot even say he is drunk and that’s why he beats her (not that that would be a reasonable excuse.  There is none).  I spoke to my mom-in-law.  Her husband used to beat her too.  40 years later they are still married and they sorted it somehow.  She tells me a woman who is not in that situation cannot understand why they stay.  Why they stay through all the pain. She has offered to talk to  my sister, but sister refuses to admit something is the matter.  The only one she has spoken to is my mom. And my mom is supposed to keep this a secret. 


The horrible man.  Why did she marry him? I have tried to encourage her to get counseling. I’ve told her to take him with her.  They need to do this together if they want to be together.  I would scratch out his eyes if I could, but she loves him.  That is what keeps him safe.  That she loves him.


Bloggers out there, how do I help her?  How do I help him to stop hurting her?  Help me to help them, please.


9 responses »

  1. Arcat dear, there are so many organisations that handles problems such as these. They are professinals and you must give them a call. Please dear.

  2. Your sisters’ story really touched me, as I was in this situation for 4 years. I don’t know your family dynamic but perhaps you should sit your sister down, tell her know what is happening, and let her know that she has a support system around her. Perhaps the only thing keeping her from leaving is the fear of having to face it alone? Another tactic is to let your brother-in-law know that YOU know and that your family will not hesitate to take action on your sisters’ behalf should it continue. It’s a rocky road & can be difficult to judge his reaction – be careful. THinking of you.

  3. Thanks Pegasi, I will do it today. Farmgirl, my parents have told her to come back home, they will take care of her. They have told her that she has a family that will be there for her and there is no shame. I’m afraid he might take things out on her if he is directly confronted. How did you get out Farmgirl?

  4. I have been there as a child, my mom was the same, she didnt want to leave my Father, But my Aunts Kidnapped her, literally, and after 2 weeks of being around people who loved her, she got the courgage to put in divorce paper, she laid a charge against him, got a restraining order etc. And if it wasnt for my aunts and there love, she would still be in that marriage. My mom said sometimes you just need to see that you can cope, that people do love you, and if you around people who are building you up! your whole mindset changes. My Aunts found it very hard, they forced my mom to cut him off and all forms of communication. They make you belive that you can not live without them nor do day to day tasks. Thinking of her, and i hope she gets better!!!

  5. That is an idea. I’m visiting my parents in two weeks. I’ll speak to my parents and my other sisters and get her to Gauteng with me. Maybe when she is away she might see things clearer. Thanks, your advice means lots to me.

  6. I’m so sorry to hear about her situation. I think counselling is a good idea. It’s a start. I hope she finds a way out of the situation.

  7. Men who hit women are pathetic cowards. And the women that stay have such low self-esteem that they think that they deserve it somehow. It’s a psychological minefield this situation. She needs to regain her self-esteem and self respect. Maybe you can help her with that. She needs to be empowered. She needs a huge support group. Good luck with this; if this happened to my sister I would have hired a hitman.

  8. oh hell. unfortunately she has to choose to help herself. The best you can do is just be there for her whatever her choices.

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