I’m sitting here thinking back to that night. The night where my life changed to a different path. I did not lose the good girl image, but I did lose my innocence.
“Mummy, mummy look, mummy come see”
I hear him in the background as I continue down memory lane. His father was the gentleman that night and when I was finally ready he carefully took my hand and showed me the way two people physically express their love for each other. He showed me gently and took away my fear. He chased away the monsters I had created in my head. My knight in shining armour. Yes the relationship started as a frightened girl trying to prove something to herself, but it led to a life long love story and this beautiful child.
I stand up and go to my son. I go out into the garden to see the finished koi pond they have been building for me. My darling boy. The boy that was the result of the whirlwind romance with his father. I still remember the excitement I felt.
And now I think to myself how can I break their hearts. How do I tell the two people that are my world that I will not be here to see those koi grow. I won’t be here to see my baby grow fully to manhood. I will never grow old.