Black and white or greys


I  have been thinking a lot lately about what makes couples drift apart.  When does one realise that the person they were madly in love with a while ago is now a stranger?  How does one go from love to indifference or hate?.  I know people change and my guess is that the change does not happen in tandem and they change away from each other.


Why does one cheat?  Is it such a strong uncontrollable urge that one cannot help but do this thing that will forever damage and hurt their partner.  Surely there is some level of thinking? Or is it that there are problems in the relationship already and the cheating is just a symptom of some already existing damage within the relationship.  However, this cannot be wholly true.  One reads and hears the story were the one partner does not have a clue.  He/she is under the impression that the relationship is going well, in love.  But then there is cheating going on. The hurt is extreme.  One makes one cheat?  Surely on some level you can stop and think how this will affect the other?  You have to deliberately want to cause this pain?


Why cheat in the first place? Is it not the right thing to end the relationship you are in first before beginning the next.  If you don’t want to be with someone, you can leave.  Where is the need to cheat?


I asked hubby what would I have to do for him to leave me? He says I would have to want to leave him before he will let go.  ( this is not an accurate situation.  People in love never think they will ever break up)  For me, if he cheated I am not sure that I would be able to stay.  Lyndy’s blog is interesting.  She has been a strong woman and managed to take her hubby back, but is still feeling twinges of uncertainty.  Will the trust ever come back?  Is the relationship damaged forever or is there the hope that the relationship will manage to survive but along a different path.


Indiangal still misses her partner.  She feels that she has done the right thing but the hurt sill hounds her.  The innocent one seems to suffer more than the cheater.  Is there an innocent one?  Is the cheater the scum of the earth?


What constitutes cheating?  A little cybersex is nothing, as long as you are not physically doing it. How can it be ok if it hurts the partner.  Is is still not cheating.  Yes the act of sex is cheating but where does it stop.  Surely doing something that you know will hurt your partner must be cheating.  Cybersex might just be virtual but your mind has already cheated.  But then again, is the mind not your own to do whatever you want? Where do the lines get drawn and is it a world of black and white or do we exist in the greys? The greys make everything ok, there was a reason.


8 responses »

  1. Seeing as I met my hubby here, I am keenly aware of the power of words on the Net. I regard cyber sex as cheating.

  2. I too met my hubby in the cyber world so for us its very clear that cybersex is cheating. How is it men and women have such different view points?

  3. Cryptic that’s a good point, why go wandering when you love someone. Maybe they are just greedy pigs like afternine says. I maintain that there is a difference between loving and being in love. Your situation with the cheater is like something on tv. Actually hiding in the cupboard. Sorry about the broken heart

  4. Trusting someone is hard enough already without throwing cheating into the mix. I just hate how the cheater always turns around and says, “But s/he means nothing to me”.The worst part is how common it’s happening… it’s almost like a dating woman’s rite of passage. “Have you been cheated on? Welcome to adulthood.” It sounds like the good men are exceptions to the rule, when they shouldn’t be. All the cliche’s “Good men are hard to find” etc. Have we normalised cheating?

  5. Cheating is cheating… I could probably forgive just sex…but emotional attachment…never!!Sex can happen, we are all human, and are all capable…but the minute it beco0mes emotional is another story.

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